'Call me an allrounder when I'm not frightened of anything over 70mph'

You average 20 with the bat in Tests and 34 in ODIs. When can we start calling you a genuine allrounder?
When I'm not frightened of anything over 70mph?

A high catch goes up. Take it and you win the Ashes. Which of your team-mates do you want to see under it?
Jonny Bairstow or Jos Buttler. They've got gloves on! It should be impossible to drop it with those things on.

Whose wicket are you the most proud of?
I have managed to get Brendon McCullum out like five times. To get a player like that out means I must be doing something right.

Which of your team-mates is the last at the bar to get a round in?
Graham Onions. He is the tightest man in the whole of England.

Who is the worst dancer?
It depends on what time of the night it is because there are some horrendous ones at the end. Jimmy [Anderson] has got a bit of hip action and Ramps [Mark Ramprakash] is ex-Strictly Come Dancing so he is right up there with the best.

But who is the worst?
I'll have to go with Adil Rashid.

Which of your team-mates look like they get dressed in the dark?
Alex Hales. Nothing he wears ever goes. For some strange reason he always seems to be representing England and Notts. He will wear jeans and an England top. Or a hoodie and some England shorts. He may have a nice shirt on, then wear some training tracksuit bottoms with it. Can I pick another?

Go for it...
Well there's two, actually. Jason Roy, because he's built like a farmer. He has to have clothes specially made for him. And one I used to play with a few years ago - Dale Benkenstein. He used to wear Asics trainers with jeans. It was like a "walking fitness regime" look.

Who has the worst dressing-room habits?
Alex Hales is the sloppiest man I've ever seen. Anything he could possibly forget - wallets, watches, belts, keys - he forgets. Stokesey picks his scabs. And Liam Plunkett's toes are always made up of dead skin, which isn't great.

The England squad are lined up for a 100m race. Who wins?
Chris Jordan is rapid. I'll go for him.

Who is slowest?
Rooty [Joe Root] and Chef [Alastair Cook] can bat all day, but I reckon the Titanic turns quicker than those two.

Which of your team-mates would you least like to get in a boxing ring with?
Stokesey - for obvious reasons.

Who has the strongest throwing arm?
Stokesey again - or Plunkett. Their throws never seem to go up, they're always so flat. I hate backing up when Stokesey is throwing. Even if the batsman is a yard out his crease I'll be shouting: "Hold it!"

What's the best thing about playing cricket for a living?
Being in a dressing room, the team atmosphere. You're hanging out every day with your best mates, having a laugh.

And the worst?
When you have to start in March or April, it's really cold and you're not allowed to wear a woolly hat.

Who has the worst banter in the England dressing room?
Adam Lyth used to get shot down a lot. He had poor chat and rated himself on the football field. He was a good player - don't get me wrong - but he used to get a bit of stick.

Give us one name to look out for who is destined for a bright future in cricket.
Tom Helm. If he stays fit, he will be a phenomenal bowler.

What piece of advice would you give a young fast bowler?
Keep it simple and have a bit of fire in your belly.

What meat is your favourite on a roast dinner?
Lamb. Easy, next...

Describe yourself in four words.
Northumbrian, extrovert, rugged, Capricorn.