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The Heavy Ball

England squad enjoy well-earned rest

A look at what the various members of the side got up to on their break

Alan Tyers
14-Sep-2012
Stuart Broad was all smiles having shrugged off his involvement in the Kevin Pietersen twitter parody account, Lord's, August, 15, 2012

Not the internet innovator of the year, then  •  Getty Images

England's victory at Edgbaston on Wednesday night brought the curtain down on the English summer and ensured that the players went into their break with a spring in their step, the squad revelling in the luxury of up to 13 hours leisure time before taking a plane to Sri Lanka to defend their World Twenty20 crown. How did they spent their downtime?
Stuart Broad: "Showed my new-found maturity by definitely not having anything whatsoever to do with a hilarious new Nottingham-based website called Kevin Pietersen Is A Prat that was coincidentally designed in my bedroom by person or persons unknown."
Jonathan Trott: "Arranged furniture in house in alphabetical order, re-indexed collection of interesting bits of tree bark. Got in cardboard box full of straw until they wake me up for the Test matches."
Steve Finn: "Time for a few games of Murder Death Kill VI on the Xbox360 but kept knocking console box over with my hand. Got to bed quite early. Managed to grow an inch in the night. Fell over a few times on the way to the airport but definitely something to build on, skills-wise, with my walking."
Tim Bresnan: "Nightmare journey to airport. Batsmen behaved really badly on bus and let the side down. So I was booted off the coach and made to walk."
Graeme Swann: "Bants."
Jade Dernbach: "Worked out 23 different ways to get from my house to the airport as slowly as possible. Stopped off for a tattoo on the way."
Kevin Pietersen: "Directed short video, starring me; it's like a reboot of Cry Freedom and it's about my suffering and struggle. Powerful stuff. Updated my blacklist of people who have been unfair about me. Going to need a bigger notebook."
Samit Patel: "Conditioning run, high-intensity interval training, gym, swim, weights, stretching. Nandos."
Ravi Bopara: "Worked on my bowling innit. Got to take care of your moneymaker."
Andrew Strauss: "Letters of commiseration to Alastair for bequeathing him this rabble."

Alan has ghost-written a book for Premier League legend Ronnie Matthews. It is called I Kick Therefore I Am.
All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?