'I've never seen a wicket turning or seaming'

The opportunity
Graham Onions is looking on the bright side.

On the other hand, the worst thing about back-to-back Tests is that the chance of a tired, dispirited team having their problems compounded by a second heavy defeat inside a fortnight is equally huge.

The childhood relived
Queensland's Ben Cutting is regressing.

Were you a bat?

The life on the edge
Paul Collingwood isn't holding back.

Is that a personal best? The ambassador would be most impressed.

The lap times
Speaking of personal bests, Nikita Miller reckons he's speeding up.

Laps of what? Laps of a track? Laps of the living room? Laps of a Scalextric track? We'll judge your fitness progress only when you include all the pertinent details.

The 12th man
Steven Finn played his part during the first Test.

Prior was impressed with Finn's work.

But the true greats are perfectionists, always looking for ways in which they can improve.

The 13th man
Graeme Swann says that Stuart Meaker's a keen student of the game.

The pitch
Bishan Bedi's turn.

You've clearly not been to Old Trafford recently. That pitch has turned through 90 degrees.

The film review
Rob Key's been to see Skyfall. Was it as good as everyone says, Rob?

Tino Best's modesty corner
Tino's still quoting himself.

It carries more weight when someone else admires your words, Tino. You're not impartial. In fact, you've actually got something of a reputation for not evaluating your own achievements in a realistic manner. Look at the title of this item if you want evidence of that.

What's your philosophy?
Virender Sehwag must be full of confidence and belief after flaying England's attack in the first Test.

It could also be a sign that you're paranoid and delusional. If you believe hairdressers want to steal your hair - because hair are your aerials, picking up signals from the cosmos - then that confidence is probably misplaced.

That said, Kraigg Brathwaite might disagree.

Kraigg used inverted commas for that but didn't say who he was quoting. Let's assume that he was quoting Kraigg Brathwaite.

Nando's Watch
"Friday night and I've got no idea what to do with myself.. Anyone fancy a nandos?!"
@AlexHales1

A last resort? The cricketer's favourite restaurant is fast losing its hard-earned reputation.