Cut that out
Things players can drop from their repertoires to be more effective
Jarrod Kimber
08-Jul-2010
"Do I think I can stand on my head while keeping wicket? Well of course, duh" • Getty Images
In order to preserve his ailing body and ensure he maintains himself for the long haul, Prince Brendon McCullum has given up wicketkeeping. It is a brave move for someone with a Test batting average of 34, but the Prince has never lacked confidence. If this works there could be a spate of players doing the same thing. Because players are too divergent with their energies in this day and age, they need to focus their chakras and their body-mind interface to get the personal momentum you need to be a winner.
Here are a few who could shed some of their workload in order to prolong or improve their careers.
Chris Gayle
Being cool
You hear it all the time, the man is effortlessly cool. Nonsense. I don't care who it is - Johnny Cash included - there is effort in being cool. How much effort? Well, at least 10% of his life must go towards being cool, if not more. He could start by giving up the designer sunnies, get a short back-and-sides haircut and stop looking like nothing is bothering him. With that extra 10% he could run between the wickets like Mike Hussey, and you don't need to be cool to be Mike Hussey.
Being cool
You hear it all the time, the man is effortlessly cool. Nonsense. I don't care who it is - Johnny Cash included - there is effort in being cool. How much effort? Well, at least 10% of his life must go towards being cool, if not more. He could start by giving up the designer sunnies, get a short back-and-sides haircut and stop looking like nothing is bothering him. With that extra 10% he could run between the wickets like Mike Hussey, and you don't need to be cool to be Mike Hussey.
Graeme Swann
Twitter
Any cricket fans on the social-networking micro-blogging platform know how important Swann is to it. Sehwag - prophet of Sehwagology that he is - is rather boring, Michael Clarke's tweets have never reached the heady heights of dull, and pictures of Sulieman Benn on a motorcycle are enjoyable, but not fulfilling. Swann obviously puts time and effort into his tweeting. Coming up with witty one-liners and new ways to abuse Tim Bresnan. While this is great for us, if he was to cut Twitter out of his life, he could learn how to play short-pitched bowling and become a real allrounder.
Any cricket fans on the social-networking micro-blogging platform know how important Swann is to it. Sehwag - prophet of Sehwagology that he is - is rather boring, Michael Clarke's tweets have never reached the heady heights of dull, and pictures of Sulieman Benn on a motorcycle are enjoyable, but not fulfilling. Swann obviously puts time and effort into his tweeting. Coming up with witty one-liners and new ways to abuse Tim Bresnan. While this is great for us, if he was to cut Twitter out of his life, he could learn how to play short-pitched bowling and become a real allrounder.
Lasith Malinga
Kissing the ball
It seems like such a small thing, but Malinga's ball-kissing must be taking so much out of his game. You could say it is the one reason he is no longer a Test bowler. Think of all the disgusting things on that ball, Murali's sweat, other bowlers' spit, possible bird droppings and the manure they use to fertilise grass. All this must eat away at the mental side of Malinga's game. In the shorter formats this might not be a problem, but in a Test match he might have to do this over 150 times a day: 150 times a day he is kissing a ball that just got rubbed all over Dilshan's crotch. That is too much for any man.
Kissing the ball
It seems like such a small thing, but Malinga's ball-kissing must be taking so much out of his game. You could say it is the one reason he is no longer a Test bowler. Think of all the disgusting things on that ball, Murali's sweat, other bowlers' spit, possible bird droppings and the manure they use to fertilise grass. All this must eat away at the mental side of Malinga's game. In the shorter formats this might not be a problem, but in a Test match he might have to do this over 150 times a day: 150 times a day he is kissing a ball that just got rubbed all over Dilshan's crotch. That is too much for any man.
Sulieman Benn
Annoying everyone
No one can annoy like Benn. Batsmen, umpires and his own captain are the usual subjects. In the history of cricket there have been few players who can get under the skin of players on both sides so brilliantly. But this is a skill. Skills need time, patience and hard work. While being the annoying spinner can work - Paul Harris has made a career from it - Benn can actually bowl. If he spent all the time he usually uses on annoying people on bowling, wow, the man could be a cult hero spin-bowling god, the Manute Bol of finger spin. And he wouldn't get sent off the field by his captain as much.
Annoying everyone
No one can annoy like Benn. Batsmen, umpires and his own captain are the usual subjects. In the history of cricket there have been few players who can get under the skin of players on both sides so brilliantly. But this is a skill. Skills need time, patience and hard work. While being the annoying spinner can work - Paul Harris has made a career from it - Benn can actually bowl. If he spent all the time he usually uses on annoying people on bowling, wow, the man could be a cult hero spin-bowling god, the Manute Bol of finger spin. And he wouldn't get sent off the field by his captain as much.
Daniel Vettori
Coaching, selecting, running New Zealand, writing press releases, peeling oranges and everything else
For some the term "allrounder" means that there are two reasons why their country could pick them. For Dan Vettori it means he does absolutely everything his country needs of him. It is a good thing New Zealand isn't in a war, as Dan would be feeding the soldiers, driving the tanks and sorting out strategy. If Dan gave up just 12 of his out-of-cricket tasks, he could be an even better "allrounder" than he is now. Then he could probably play cricket until he is 43.
Coaching, selecting, running New Zealand, writing press releases, peeling oranges and everything else
For some the term "allrounder" means that there are two reasons why their country could pick them. For Dan Vettori it means he does absolutely everything his country needs of him. It is a good thing New Zealand isn't in a war, as Dan would be feeding the soldiers, driving the tanks and sorting out strategy. If Dan gave up just 12 of his out-of-cricket tasks, he could be an even better "allrounder" than he is now. Then he could probably play cricket until he is 43.
AB de Villiers
Guitar-based pop
I'm sure you don't need to be reminded of the sweet pop stylings of AB's song "Show Them Who You Are". It is on your mobile music apparatus on constant repeat. As obviously talented as AB must be, making the perfect tune still takes time away from cricket. Imagine how great a batsman he could be if he just put down the guitar. With his hands now free, he could spend time with them in keeping gloves - you know, just in case.
Guitar-based pop
I'm sure you don't need to be reminded of the sweet pop stylings of AB's song "Show Them Who You Are". It is on your mobile music apparatus on constant repeat. As obviously talented as AB must be, making the perfect tune still takes time away from cricket. Imagine how great a batsman he could be if he just put down the guitar. With his hands now free, he could spend time with them in keeping gloves - you know, just in case.
Other players who could give up things to improve their careers: Shahid Afridi could give up his day job as a comedian. Mitchell Johnson could give up his mother. Ryan Sidebottom could give up being stroppy. And even Ravi Shastri could give up saying the phrase "tracer bullet".
Jarrod Kimber, the mind responsible for cricketwithballs.com, is an Australian writer based in London. His new book is now on sale