'About to pare a pair of pears'

And you thought left-arm seamers had everything their own way these days…

—

However, as birds go, pigeons are less persistent than Kiwis. Success is no longer hoped for, it's expected; so unremarkable they barely even react.

—

Jimmy Neesham, still out injured, remains one of us, reduced to experiencing the joys and tribulations of cricket via television.

—

Amid all the glory of a drawn series which feels very much like it went to New Zealand, there were at least some pluses for England. How good is Ben Stokes? The best England allrounder since...?

—

In recent weeks Fidel Edwards seems to have been complaining about the food and weather in England. How's his fellow West Indian, Darren Sammy, getting on?

—

—

Kemar Roach is back home in the Caribbean and so he's retained his appetite.

—

But Chris Gayle's adaptable. He's in the UK, so you'd think this might be a bad sign.

—

But no, for there's an obvious solution that Edwards and Sammy appear to be overlooking.

—

Somewhere in the world, there is always a cricketer complaining about air travel.

—

That's just about acceptable.

But this?

—

Tough times. Our hearts bleed.

Finally, let's end on a high for once. Twitter can at times seem like some sort of pit of illiteracy; a place where everyone writes like a six-year-old. So how about this from a man who hasn't written like that for 38 years?

—

Good work. Hats off.