World Cricket Podcast December 3, 2009

'Sehwag eats man-eating lions'

The groundbreaking first instalment in Andy Zaltzman's series of world cricket podcasts is here
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The groundbreaking first instalment in Andy Zaltzman's series of world cricket podcasts is here. In this special guest-free edition, Zaltzman turns an eye to the cavalcade of cricket that has been shovelled into our faces of late. Among the highlights: a look at the Dunedin Test, of which, despite not having watched a ball, he loved every ball; the first and last "paltry/poultry" pun ever; ways Mohammad Asif can get banned in future; the Zaltz Stat of the moment; the team that (sometimes) executes their plans as smoothly as Henry VIII did his wives; and in a world-first, a joke that features both Ali Naqvi and Dirk Wellham.

Read the transcript of the podcast here

Download the audio here (mp3, right-click to save)

Andy Zaltzman is a stand-up comedian, a regular on the BBC Radio 4, and a writer

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • Ricky Ponting on January 15, 2010, 11:54 GMT

    Sehwag is the best!!

  • Ravi Sharma on December 25, 2009, 23:26 GMT

    Excellent. This type of writing should re-generate interest in reading cricinfo's articles...Much like T20 renewed interest in all forms of cricket...hey keep it up...the 20-20 of cricinfo's articles!!!

  • deep on December 23, 2009, 17:48 GMT

    i watch cricket match only because of sehwag.

    if he gets out i witch off the tv set.

    ypu can understand what type of god gifted talent that man has...

  • Safic Paravanda on December 20, 2009, 14:58 GMT

    It is really interestin players did I see yet. I watch cricket for players like sewag, gyle

  • Chetan on December 14, 2009, 14:31 GMT

    My world is divided into two parts. One is for Sehwag's batting and the other is for the rest of factors.

    Sehwag is meant for Cricket only.

    Thanks to GOD who has created such a great player i.e. VIRENDER SEHWAG ...

    Keep it up man.

    --- Chetan

  • Oliver Chettle on December 7, 2009, 4:11 GMT

    This is probably funny, but I don't listen to podcasts because it is too hard to skip, or to go back over the good bits. Please stick to text in the future.

  • bgc on December 5, 2009, 6:09 GMT

    Liked it.

  • Jeremy Hicks on December 4, 2009, 12:02 GMT

    Haven't listened to it yet (see point 1 below), but I have two comments: (1) Can we please have the facility to download the podcast as an MP3? I don't want to listen to it when I'm working, but when I'm travelling to or from work (and not connected to the internet). (2) Please don't play the sound automatically when the page is displayed. I would like to choose when I hear it, not have it thrust upon me. I am quite capable of pressing 'play' when necessary.

  • waterbuffalo on December 4, 2009, 9:28 GMT

    Liked the jokes about Shastri and Zaheer Abbas. I saw Sehwag play in his first ODI, and he scored a 50 and it was obvious this guy was going to be a star. He scored a 300 against Pakistan , and had the nerve to bring up his 100, 150, 200, 250 and 300 with Sixes. Apropos New Zealand it seems to me they have always had very bright captains who managed to get their teams to punch above their weight. Three that come to mind are Martin Crowe, Fleming and Vettori, it is an absolute delight to listen to Crowe commentating on the current series with Pakistan, when you have Healy in Australia and Lloyd in England it is easy to see why it is better to be born deaf. I miss Boycott and look forward to Ian Chappell in the Pak series, in Australia. How can you possibly listen to a man (Healy) who sold women's clothing?

  • Manish on December 4, 2009, 6:43 GMT

    simply this can be said that viru is the most dangerous batsman anyone has seen in the history of cricket. though he has not been able to make another triple century, he is sure to do this on some another day very soon. when he is on the ground, the bowlers don't have much to do, instead to just bowl at their best and watch him batting at his best! amazing!

  • Ricky Ponting on January 15, 2010, 11:54 GMT

    Sehwag is the best!!

  • Ravi Sharma on December 25, 2009, 23:26 GMT

    Excellent. This type of writing should re-generate interest in reading cricinfo's articles...Much like T20 renewed interest in all forms of cricket...hey keep it up...the 20-20 of cricinfo's articles!!!

  • deep on December 23, 2009, 17:48 GMT

    i watch cricket match only because of sehwag.

    if he gets out i witch off the tv set.

    ypu can understand what type of god gifted talent that man has...

  • Safic Paravanda on December 20, 2009, 14:58 GMT

    It is really interestin players did I see yet. I watch cricket for players like sewag, gyle

  • Chetan on December 14, 2009, 14:31 GMT

    My world is divided into two parts. One is for Sehwag's batting and the other is for the rest of factors.

    Sehwag is meant for Cricket only.

    Thanks to GOD who has created such a great player i.e. VIRENDER SEHWAG ...

    Keep it up man.

    --- Chetan

  • Oliver Chettle on December 7, 2009, 4:11 GMT

    This is probably funny, but I don't listen to podcasts because it is too hard to skip, or to go back over the good bits. Please stick to text in the future.

  • bgc on December 5, 2009, 6:09 GMT

    Liked it.

  • Jeremy Hicks on December 4, 2009, 12:02 GMT

    Haven't listened to it yet (see point 1 below), but I have two comments: (1) Can we please have the facility to download the podcast as an MP3? I don't want to listen to it when I'm working, but when I'm travelling to or from work (and not connected to the internet). (2) Please don't play the sound automatically when the page is displayed. I would like to choose when I hear it, not have it thrust upon me. I am quite capable of pressing 'play' when necessary.

  • waterbuffalo on December 4, 2009, 9:28 GMT

    Liked the jokes about Shastri and Zaheer Abbas. I saw Sehwag play in his first ODI, and he scored a 50 and it was obvious this guy was going to be a star. He scored a 300 against Pakistan , and had the nerve to bring up his 100, 150, 200, 250 and 300 with Sixes. Apropos New Zealand it seems to me they have always had very bright captains who managed to get their teams to punch above their weight. Three that come to mind are Martin Crowe, Fleming and Vettori, it is an absolute delight to listen to Crowe commentating on the current series with Pakistan, when you have Healy in Australia and Lloyd in England it is easy to see why it is better to be born deaf. I miss Boycott and look forward to Ian Chappell in the Pak series, in Australia. How can you possibly listen to a man (Healy) who sold women's clothing?

  • Manish on December 4, 2009, 6:43 GMT

    simply this can be said that viru is the most dangerous batsman anyone has seen in the history of cricket. though he has not been able to make another triple century, he is sure to do this on some another day very soon. when he is on the ground, the bowlers don't have much to do, instead to just bowl at their best and watch him batting at his best! amazing!

  • dnyanesh on December 4, 2009, 2:02 GMT

    Note to cricinfo. Please have a text transcript of all such columns. Reading is more fun than listening. It can be done in the office. Don't need much bandwidth and don't miss much t in the various accents.

  • eric on December 3, 2009, 20:58 GMT

    i am speechless...Viru is just amazing...the great part is the fact that he has bullied the best bowlers in the world and almost given the worst a legendary status..

  • Sanjay Dey on December 3, 2009, 20:36 GMT

    shewag just showed the brinks of what will be the future of international test cricket,,, and it seems exciting.. he is surely a man- eater.... A man that can eat dreams of other man(srilankan's)

  • yohan fernando on December 3, 2009, 20:14 GMT

    @Mayur Bhakar , With due respect to Sehwag. i d like to acknowledge Murali had already to decide to quit soon b4 this series started(so its not Sehwag). Ya this is a poor tournament by his standerd but his legendery will not reduce by an odd underperformed series.He is the greatest spinner and it ll take decades to pass his wicket tally to any international bowler

  • bikram pratap singh on December 3, 2009, 20:10 GMT

    Bas maja aa gaya (i said in hindi and it mean i enjoyed it very much)

  • Jayesh on December 3, 2009, 17:27 GMT

    Andy, a fan of yours from Bugle. You've surpassed yourself. Hope the century bugle is heading towards will be one of the many. And hope this podcast (without the impeding influence of John) has a cricket crossword, and hotties from the annals of cricket.

  • Anonymous on December 3, 2009, 16:30 GMT

    fuck u man

  • Atul Bhogle on December 3, 2009, 16:17 GMT

    It's great to listen to you Andy. The quips on Chris Lewis and Stanford were priceless.

  • khan on December 3, 2009, 15:27 GMT

    its amazing to see that sehwag will be on top of lara

  • Adarsh on December 3, 2009, 15:24 GMT

    Very funny - very cool :)

  • Niels on December 3, 2009, 14:59 GMT

    Very good. Look forward to this once a week. Only thing that can be lost is the baby noise.

    Well done.

  • Lucifer on December 3, 2009, 14:59 GMT

    Nope, Andy. This does not work has well as your column.

  • Satya Prasad on December 3, 2009, 14:29 GMT

    Please provide transcript also. The audio was not very clear. Regards Satya Prasad

  • puneet jolly on December 3, 2009, 14:15 GMT

    SEHWAG...not a one man show...When he is the only person land who when plays a knock like this it seems whole country is playing. every single person of India are holdling there hands...n praying that he goes for 300+. BEST OF LUCK...!!!!

  • Sriram Iyer on December 3, 2009, 14:08 GMT

    This was really really good. I love your sense of humor. Keep it coming.

  • rv on December 3, 2009, 14:04 GMT

    Not bad at all, Andy! Could do well not putting the genre on top of your blog "Cricket, Satire, Whimsy". Unless you expect people to wholly misinterpret your pieces as funny!

  • Anonymous on December 3, 2009, 14:02 GMT

    nice title 'Sehwag eats man-eating lions'

  • Sarab P Singh on December 3, 2009, 13:55 GMT

    Wonderful podcast mate. It was really funny and enjoyable. I'd be waiting for the next one!!!!!!!!!

  • NAUSHAD on December 3, 2009, 13:43 GMT

    i would like to rite something about the great batsmans........and gr8 bolowers.....

    munaf patel: compared with shoaib akhtar whn he was starting his career.....but the first bowl he bowled of his career was slowest than spinner....isnt it???????????????.....

    andrew strauss: the england captain.....during the series of sa(2009)......dropped 3 catches in 20 mnts....but i think he was enjoing that place...didnt change his place upto end of innings.....gr8 job........is it coz he is captain????

    sangakara: hit wicket......wat a way to get out ....even f u try to do it intensionay u can do that....thts the skill ....everyone doesnt get tat skill.....god gifted......

  • Matt on December 3, 2009, 13:41 GMT

    Your voice is far deeper than I had ever imagined it. Now I have to re-read all your Confectionary Stall entries with the correct accent and inflection.

  • Md. Emjamam- Ul Hoque on December 3, 2009, 13:38 GMT

    "Sehwag Bats to Sri Lanka's baby bowlers."

  • anil on December 3, 2009, 13:21 GMT

    Thank your mum for delivering you, Andy. You are the next best thing after sliced bread, toothpaste tubes and a certain Ponting front foot pull shot that I saw a couple years back. Please post photos of the man-eating lion that Sehwag devoured (photos taken before said beast's tragic demise that is). Also, I may sue you for possible sleepless nights caused by recurring nightmares of a bat-shaped Zaheer Abbas discussing bio-mechanics with a freakily delivered infant Muralidaran.

  • Sahil on December 3, 2009, 13:19 GMT

    It was not worth listening!

  • kartic on December 3, 2009, 13:11 GMT

    Very good. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Look forward to your next one.

  • liaqat on December 3, 2009, 13:05 GMT

    lol brillaint , loved it

  • Hrishi Raval on December 3, 2009, 12:55 GMT

    Heart Breaking, Sehwag

    No one can stop him, He is the most ever dangerous batsmen ever. I really feel sorry for the Sri Lankans bowlers.

    It had happened against Pakistan, It had happened against South-Africa, And it will happened against Sri Lanka

    300 + ...........

    Great Man - VIRENDER SEHWAG

    Chears Hrishi Raval

  • Amit on December 3, 2009, 12:55 GMT

    Very good show - but too long. Otherwise, brilliant !

  • sanketh kumar on December 3, 2009, 12:54 GMT

    i cant wait for ur next podcast...esp i want to hear ur comments on the on-going sehwag knock.

  • Eby John on December 3, 2009, 12:51 GMT

    this guy is funny! gr8 podcast

  • Sachi on December 3, 2009, 12:50 GMT

    This is a wonderful innings ever played by our most dare batsman Mr. Sehwag. Perhaps he is just a follower of our Mr. Krishnamachary Srikath who was the most dare batsman in his time. I like the attidue changed by Veeru as taking time to settle down and dominate the bowler left and right made him good result. Please continue this method and I am sure he will be ever remembered as the most dare batsman in the modern era of Indian Cricket.

    Cheers, Sachi

  • Bharani on December 3, 2009, 12:46 GMT

    Hi Andy,

    For those of us with such slow net speeds, we would love transcripts of your wonderful works here.. It is so frustrating to see wonderful pieces and know we can't read them or hear them coz of slow speeds. I would love a text version.

  • padma sambhava on December 3, 2009, 12:37 GMT

    jeez boy you spoil the fun of it. I dont know who u are but ive studiouslyh avoided the riff raff you write.

  • jonty on December 3, 2009, 12:33 GMT

    you suck big time dude ...

  • Jaideep on December 3, 2009, 12:33 GMT

    Sweeeet!

  • CruelExecutioner on December 3, 2009, 12:31 GMT

    Boooorring. Here's chucking a rotten orange at you!! *splotch*

  • Sivram on December 3, 2009, 12:29 GMT

    Amazing!!!! Keep the pod casts going Andy! The individual sections have been well thought of.

  • vaidianathan.R on December 3, 2009, 12:28 GMT

    simply very good. Keep it up.

  • kunal on December 3, 2009, 12:20 GMT

    sehwaggggg,,,,hes d reason india wins so many test matches....hail sehwag...he taut ind hw2win test matches

  • ZILLUR RAHMAN on December 3, 2009, 12:10 GMT

    I really enjoy Viru batting, I like him to mutch, I pray his success every match

  • hemant singh on December 3, 2009, 12:10 GMT

    Awesome!!!! I loved it. I hate it when people waste those 2% of their brain on other things............

  • ZILLUR RAHMAN on December 3, 2009, 12:08 GMT

    I really enjoy Viru batting, I like him to mutch, I pray his success every match

  • Bav on December 3, 2009, 12:01 GMT

    Nice spin on all things cricket.

  • siddique faris on December 3, 2009, 11:58 GMT

    bradman good badsman but veru gooooooo..d

  • Keith Gomez on December 3, 2009, 11:56 GMT

    Even better than your written stuff. I'm not sure I'll have many sides left after a few more of these and this from a Sri Lankan who was not in best humour after checking the score this morning.

  • Deepak on December 3, 2009, 11:55 GMT

    After 2nd days play, Sangakara went to the umpires to complain that Sehwag shudnt be allowed on the ground or even in the stands as my players ( sri lankan lions) are too scared to come out.....

  • natarajan on December 3, 2009, 11:44 GMT

    very fine innings thaks to Sewag

  • Steven on December 3, 2009, 11:40 GMT

    Loved your show....it certainly makes working in a library towards to rather demanding maters a less painful journey...keep up the good work

    Steve

  • Osamah on December 3, 2009, 11:27 GMT

    Too good! 5 stars! We love you Andy!

  • neel shukla on December 3, 2009, 11:24 GMT

    hi just do all the good thing as with u sehwag chak de with good and spendid cricket cross the lara record

  • arcay on December 3, 2009, 11:08 GMT

    Haha! Love the man-eating lion comment. Yes, that is what Sehwag is a MAN who eats man-eating lions. 300 in a day, let do it .. again!

  • Sidd on December 3, 2009, 11:03 GMT

    Nice addition this! Andy sounds as funny as he writes.. ;-) BTW..SEHWAG RULES!!!

  • Mayur Bhakar on December 3, 2009, 10:27 GMT

    Yes, the title is absolutely perfect.Sehwag do eats maneating lions.He has eaten away the test carrier of the legendary Mutthiah Murlitharan, who because of his beating has thought of quitting cricket.I think after this innings of Sehwag he will definitely quit cricket.Those who find test cricket boring, please watch his innings or the highlights.

  • Mayur Bhakar on December 3, 2009, 10:26 GMT

    Yes, the title is absolutely perfect.Sehwag do eats maneating lions.He has eaten away the test carrier of the legendary Mutthiah Murlitharan, who because of his beating has thought of quitting cricket.I think after this innings of Sehwag he will definitely quit cricket.Those who find test cricket boring, please watch his innings or the highlights.

  • Dan on December 3, 2009, 10:16 GMT

    I reject your claim that Bradman would have made twice as many runs four times as quickly had he been a woman. Indeed, the Don could have just as easily have doubled his runs by simply playing twice as many Tests and quadrupled his run rate by equi-simply having 75% fewer deliveries bowled to him. Shame on the ACB for not scheduling more Tests during his career and shame on his teammates for giving him so much of the strike. And shame on you, sir, for ignoring this solution in favour of your veiled hint that Lady Jessie was a lesbian who, decades later, would be summoned to watch a young Tendulkar who, by your logic, would then be deemed the girliest batsman of the modern era. Something Claire Taylor, for one, might well dispute.

    So, your logic collapses in on itself, like the South Africans in a semi-final and your lies about Bradman are seen as what you acknowledge them to be - mistruths in the service of first-class comedy.

    I do, however, fully back your claims on Dirk Wellham.

  • Akshay on December 3, 2009, 9:55 GMT

    Needs more John Oliver to bring yang to Zaltzman's cricket-y ying. :-)

  • Alex on December 3, 2009, 9:08 GMT

    Is there a feed for the podcast?

  • No featured comments at the moment.

  • Alex on December 3, 2009, 9:08 GMT

    Is there a feed for the podcast?

  • Akshay on December 3, 2009, 9:55 GMT

    Needs more John Oliver to bring yang to Zaltzman's cricket-y ying. :-)

  • Dan on December 3, 2009, 10:16 GMT

    I reject your claim that Bradman would have made twice as many runs four times as quickly had he been a woman. Indeed, the Don could have just as easily have doubled his runs by simply playing twice as many Tests and quadrupled his run rate by equi-simply having 75% fewer deliveries bowled to him. Shame on the ACB for not scheduling more Tests during his career and shame on his teammates for giving him so much of the strike. And shame on you, sir, for ignoring this solution in favour of your veiled hint that Lady Jessie was a lesbian who, decades later, would be summoned to watch a young Tendulkar who, by your logic, would then be deemed the girliest batsman of the modern era. Something Claire Taylor, for one, might well dispute.

    So, your logic collapses in on itself, like the South Africans in a semi-final and your lies about Bradman are seen as what you acknowledge them to be - mistruths in the service of first-class comedy.

    I do, however, fully back your claims on Dirk Wellham.

  • Mayur Bhakar on December 3, 2009, 10:26 GMT

    Yes, the title is absolutely perfect.Sehwag do eats maneating lions.He has eaten away the test carrier of the legendary Mutthiah Murlitharan, who because of his beating has thought of quitting cricket.I think after this innings of Sehwag he will definitely quit cricket.Those who find test cricket boring, please watch his innings or the highlights.

  • Mayur Bhakar on December 3, 2009, 10:27 GMT

    Yes, the title is absolutely perfect.Sehwag do eats maneating lions.He has eaten away the test carrier of the legendary Mutthiah Murlitharan, who because of his beating has thought of quitting cricket.I think after this innings of Sehwag he will definitely quit cricket.Those who find test cricket boring, please watch his innings or the highlights.

  • Sidd on December 3, 2009, 11:03 GMT

    Nice addition this! Andy sounds as funny as he writes.. ;-) BTW..SEHWAG RULES!!!

  • arcay on December 3, 2009, 11:08 GMT

    Haha! Love the man-eating lion comment. Yes, that is what Sehwag is a MAN who eats man-eating lions. 300 in a day, let do it .. again!

  • neel shukla on December 3, 2009, 11:24 GMT

    hi just do all the good thing as with u sehwag chak de with good and spendid cricket cross the lara record

  • Osamah on December 3, 2009, 11:27 GMT

    Too good! 5 stars! We love you Andy!

  • Steven on December 3, 2009, 11:40 GMT

    Loved your show....it certainly makes working in a library towards to rather demanding maters a less painful journey...keep up the good work

    Steve