January 15, 2011

ICC

... and we'll return after this short break (of a month)

Andrew Hughes
Haroon Lorgat and Sharad Pawar address a press conference, Mumbai, June 1, 2010
"... and instead of the World Cup final, we'll show highlights of the tournament as a recap for all those who missed the seven weeks of fun"  © AFP
Enlarge

RELATED LINKS

Tuesday, January 11th What? Postponed? Until February? Did one of the ICC’s crack three-man Judgement Squad have tickets to the opera? Were the seats in the Auditorium of Justice particularly lumpy? Or could it be that this was merely the operation of the oldest of legal principles: why finish today what you can charge for tomorrow?

Officially, the excuse is that Amir’s lawyers wanted the panel’s verdict written up but none of the Trio of Truth can type. At least I think that was it. Salman Butt’s lawyers also made requests, but, frankly, I suspect that their insistence on the verdict being inscribed by Franciscan monks on paper made only from the pulp of the rare Bolivian Sequoia and embroidered with myrrh might have been delaying tactics.

So the ICC can add “inability to stage a courtroom drama” to “failed brewery-based function arranging” and “inadequate administration of a popular bat-and-ball sport” on its corporate CV. Imagine the final moments of the penultimate episode of your favourite legal drama. The judge is poised to deliver justice, the courtroom is hushed and the faces of the accused taut with tension. The stirring theme tune strikes up as the credits roll and then you hear the voice of the continuity announcer:

“The concluding episode of No Ball No Justice will be shown in three weeks time.”

You’d want to throw something at the television. At least I would.

Wednesday January 12th Graeme Smith, how could you? Eulogising Imran Tahir like that, banging on about how terrific his legbreak is and how you’d always wanted a player like him and how exciting it was to have an attacking spinner in the squad. Did you, I wonder, ever give a moment’s thought to Paul? Of course you didn’t! In the Tests he is always there for you, but no sooner is his back turned than you’re gushing over someone new.

How do you think it makes him feel? He’s given the best years of his trundling career to you, but out of sight, out of mind, eh! If I was you, Paul, I wouldn’t stand for it. Why should you make yourself available for a man who don’t give you no respect, who snubs you in public like that? No one could blame you if you retired from international cricket on the spot. And let’s face it, that might save time later on.

Friday January 14th John Wright continues to ruffle feathers and disturb tiaras as the new director of the New Zealand Drama and Dance Academy. This time, he has had some harsh words for the troupe who were in such a hurry to depart the stage in Hamilton last week.

“If you’re picked as a batsman, your job is to get runs.”

Ouch. That was harsh enough, but it got worse.

“Whatever we plan, and they’re pretty simple plans…”

This provoked an immediate press release from the International Federation of Backroom Staff and Associated Hangers-On (Auckland Branch)”

“We note these comments with concern. Our members work tirelessly behind the scenes to produce the dossiers, pie charts and colourful graphs without which the modern game would completely grind to a halt. We estimate that a successful Test team needs 17.65 volumes of statistical analysis, featuring on average, 123,000 words, 164.12 diagrams and 17.4 pop-up flow charts. We can assure Mr Wright that there is nothing simple about our plans.”

Andrew Hughes is a writer currently based in England

RSS Feeds: Andrew Hughes

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Posted by krazycric on (January 19, 2011, 10:08 GMT)

"The concluding episode of No Ball No Justice".... Hilarious!

Posted by Rahul on (January 17, 2011, 7:41 GMT)

Top class! 2 thumbs up!

Posted by Agha Azhar on (January 15, 2011, 9:50 GMT)

I want to mention somthing about pakistan cricket , s problems ,If pakistani crickter ,natinal Heroes should keep themslves away from the sitautions surrounding any time any where,like bookie mafia ,it would be great help for their country if they avoid these bookies ,they will save the future of pak cricket bcause it is all depends on individuals ,this country have rich talent but last one deacade its been wasted due bad adminstrartin and few other elements, we never been able full use of shoaib akhtar,muhammad asif, now may be Ammir it is loss of cricket cricket ,

Hope pakistan will come back and come out of all these problem because we have the habit to bounce back,But world media should under stand the problems and encourage the Heroes of the cricket to be avialble for their peoples .

world will be happy to see these great entertainers.

Agha

Pakistan

Comments have now been closed for this article

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Andrew Hughes
Andrew Hughes is a writer and avid cricket watcher who has always retained a healthy suspicion of professional sportsmen, and like any right-thinking person rates Neville Cardus more highly than Don Bradman. His latest book is available here and here @hughandrews73

All articles by this writer