Danny Morrison April 6, 2012

April? Here we go again

Danny’s back, and so is savage yet workmanlike biffery
12

I suspect, if she’s being honest with herself, Katy Perry only has the vaguest idea what all that was about. But still, a gig’s a gig, and she fulfilled her contractual obligations admirably, as did MS Dhoni and chums, who were required to stand on stage in their best canary yellow outfits, like self-conscious children at a family gathering, with Priyanka Chopra in the role of the embarrassing aunt. At least they didn’t have to sing.

Game one of 76 wasn’t lacking in showbiz either. Mumbai are as glamorous as sweaty men in polyester can get and took to the field sporting the kind of costumes you usually see worn by circus trapeze artists, complete with fetching gold café lame flashes. And in the commentary booth, we welcomed back the unique vocal stylings of Mr Daniel Morrison, with his trademark mix of 1980s New Zealand street slang and random. Pauses.

Early on in proceedings, he gave us all food for thought by reminding us of that old adage, “a fast game is a good game”, although he did then have to clarify that it wasn’t that old, and since we’d never heard of it before, it didn’t really qualify as an adage either. In any case, today’s game was neither fast nor good. At one point Chennai went 28 balls without scoring a boundary, which quite frankly is heresy in the church of Twenty20.

M Vijay was the main culprit. He looked like a child with stage fright who had been ushered onto stage and told to do a few impressions. Sadly the only impression he could manage was that of a nervous mouse at an owl convention. He poked and prodded as though trying not to alert anyone to his presence, before chipping a straight slow one to Harbhajan, who, as is his wont, roared to the skies.

Chennai eventually stuttered to one hundred and not very many, and then Mumbai reached their target with all the urgency of a builder who knows he’s being paid by the hour, though their reply did include a sublime Tendulkar six. At full stretch, to a Morkel outswinger, he still managed to send it sighing on its way over extra cover with a modest swing of the blade. And then he shook his head because he hadn’t been quite to the pitch of the ball.

At the other end was new boy Richard Levi, who, like most of the new generation of South African cricketers, is around eight feet tall with arms like tree trunks. What do they feed them on? If Rocky IV had been a cricket movie, this is how Dolph Lundgren would have played. Levi is a towering force of biffery, an elaborate steam-powered Edwardian thwacking machine. At the moment, he only has the one shot but it’s a good one.

Andrew Hughes is a writer currently based in England

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • Sehwag_Is_Ordinary on April 7, 2012, 7:08 GMT

    Yes Vidya Natarajan you just sopke like a true indian! congrats! Since 1950, Indians don't get humours and thats understandable looking the racism tendency which they grew over the years

  • Sandeep Karoor on April 6, 2012, 21:30 GMT

    So very similar - Andrew Hughes writing about IPL, Katy Perry at the IPL opener, Danny Morrison commenting on IPL. Clueless, out of place folks, making a buck or two while they still can. Go back to writing on English County Cricket (if that still exists)

  • cricket lover on April 6, 2012, 21:18 GMT

    very well written ignore the crictics your the best

  • Kez on April 6, 2012, 18:23 GMT

    @Rahul Raina: One correction, Sanath Jayasuria has to be the worst commentator ever, although Danny is a close 2nd

  • Praxis on April 6, 2012, 12:54 GMT

    I remember your blog posts to be funnier & less frequent, Mr. Hughes.

  • Rahul Raina on April 6, 2012, 10:29 GMT

    Few truths from the article: 1) Danny Morrison is the worst commentator ever. 2) Murali Vijay is worse opener than Parthiv Patel. 3) Richar Levi actually has only one shot. I dont know how far can he go with that.

    My motto this year--- BOYCOTT IPL

  • Mumble on April 6, 2012, 10:13 GMT

    Classic one Mr Hughes, you certainly captured the weirdness that is Danny Morrison. And as to what they feed Levi, protein shakes and rhino steaks since the age of 11 is my guess..

  • Name on April 6, 2012, 9:21 GMT

    Only 28 balls without scoring a boundary? I think it should be 58 or 68 maybe..

  • Vidya Natarajan on April 6, 2012, 9:05 GMT

    So dumb ,,,, trying very hard to be funny but ending on the boring side.. Hughes must 've been busy chatting notes with boycott and tony grieg forgot his own line if u dont watch IPL , y bother to comment on it and making a joke of yourself good Article for IPL bashers , english and australian fans to sooth their moods After all this hullabaloo, hughes must be staring IPL WASTE OF COLUMN SPACE AND INDIAN ADVERTISERS MONEY...

  • Sarath on April 6, 2012, 9:03 GMT

    "What do they feed them on?" Pls bring the answer too :) Lol. Nice article.

  • Sehwag_Is_Ordinary on April 7, 2012, 7:08 GMT

    Yes Vidya Natarajan you just sopke like a true indian! congrats! Since 1950, Indians don't get humours and thats understandable looking the racism tendency which they grew over the years

  • Sandeep Karoor on April 6, 2012, 21:30 GMT

    So very similar - Andrew Hughes writing about IPL, Katy Perry at the IPL opener, Danny Morrison commenting on IPL. Clueless, out of place folks, making a buck or two while they still can. Go back to writing on English County Cricket (if that still exists)

  • cricket lover on April 6, 2012, 21:18 GMT

    very well written ignore the crictics your the best

  • Kez on April 6, 2012, 18:23 GMT

    @Rahul Raina: One correction, Sanath Jayasuria has to be the worst commentator ever, although Danny is a close 2nd

  • Praxis on April 6, 2012, 12:54 GMT

    I remember your blog posts to be funnier & less frequent, Mr. Hughes.

  • Rahul Raina on April 6, 2012, 10:29 GMT

    Few truths from the article: 1) Danny Morrison is the worst commentator ever. 2) Murali Vijay is worse opener than Parthiv Patel. 3) Richar Levi actually has only one shot. I dont know how far can he go with that.

    My motto this year--- BOYCOTT IPL

  • Mumble on April 6, 2012, 10:13 GMT

    Classic one Mr Hughes, you certainly captured the weirdness that is Danny Morrison. And as to what they feed Levi, protein shakes and rhino steaks since the age of 11 is my guess..

  • Name on April 6, 2012, 9:21 GMT

    Only 28 balls without scoring a boundary? I think it should be 58 or 68 maybe..

  • Vidya Natarajan on April 6, 2012, 9:05 GMT

    So dumb ,,,, trying very hard to be funny but ending on the boring side.. Hughes must 've been busy chatting notes with boycott and tony grieg forgot his own line if u dont watch IPL , y bother to comment on it and making a joke of yourself good Article for IPL bashers , english and australian fans to sooth their moods After all this hullabaloo, hughes must be staring IPL WASTE OF COLUMN SPACE AND INDIAN ADVERTISERS MONEY...

  • Sarath on April 6, 2012, 9:03 GMT

    "What do they feed them on?" Pls bring the answer too :) Lol. Nice article.

  • Ankit Sehgal on April 6, 2012, 8:56 GMT

    On the Katy Perry note I have to say that the Indian audience seemed pretty clueless as to who she was and what her songs were too as was aptly on display the few times the poor divorcee dared to point the mic at the crowd with such original shout outs such as "sing it" and "say it" and was greeted with stunned silence...on second thought it could be her outfit too which looked like the dress code of a Mughal harem...and yes I love my run on sentences...

  • Divya Narayan on April 6, 2012, 7:23 GMT

    A brilliant tongue-in-cheek take on the opening of the IPL. Then again, those people who worship the IPL (for example, those commentators who have no choice but to 'like' the IPL 'cos they earn money by commentating in the games, and those who think that making fun of the IPL is 'lame, snobbish and uncool') will never understand your tongue-in-cheek humour.

    What was going on in that opening ceremony, I still cannot figure out.

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  • Divya Narayan on April 6, 2012, 7:23 GMT

    A brilliant tongue-in-cheek take on the opening of the IPL. Then again, those people who worship the IPL (for example, those commentators who have no choice but to 'like' the IPL 'cos they earn money by commentating in the games, and those who think that making fun of the IPL is 'lame, snobbish and uncool') will never understand your tongue-in-cheek humour.

    What was going on in that opening ceremony, I still cannot figure out.

  • Ankit Sehgal on April 6, 2012, 8:56 GMT

    On the Katy Perry note I have to say that the Indian audience seemed pretty clueless as to who she was and what her songs were too as was aptly on display the few times the poor divorcee dared to point the mic at the crowd with such original shout outs such as "sing it" and "say it" and was greeted with stunned silence...on second thought it could be her outfit too which looked like the dress code of a Mughal harem...and yes I love my run on sentences...

  • Sarath on April 6, 2012, 9:03 GMT

    "What do they feed them on?" Pls bring the answer too :) Lol. Nice article.

  • Vidya Natarajan on April 6, 2012, 9:05 GMT

    So dumb ,,,, trying very hard to be funny but ending on the boring side.. Hughes must 've been busy chatting notes with boycott and tony grieg forgot his own line if u dont watch IPL , y bother to comment on it and making a joke of yourself good Article for IPL bashers , english and australian fans to sooth their moods After all this hullabaloo, hughes must be staring IPL WASTE OF COLUMN SPACE AND INDIAN ADVERTISERS MONEY...

  • Name on April 6, 2012, 9:21 GMT

    Only 28 balls without scoring a boundary? I think it should be 58 or 68 maybe..

  • Mumble on April 6, 2012, 10:13 GMT

    Classic one Mr Hughes, you certainly captured the weirdness that is Danny Morrison. And as to what they feed Levi, protein shakes and rhino steaks since the age of 11 is my guess..

  • Rahul Raina on April 6, 2012, 10:29 GMT

    Few truths from the article: 1) Danny Morrison is the worst commentator ever. 2) Murali Vijay is worse opener than Parthiv Patel. 3) Richar Levi actually has only one shot. I dont know how far can he go with that.

    My motto this year--- BOYCOTT IPL

  • Praxis on April 6, 2012, 12:54 GMT

    I remember your blog posts to be funnier & less frequent, Mr. Hughes.

  • Kez on April 6, 2012, 18:23 GMT

    @Rahul Raina: One correction, Sanath Jayasuria has to be the worst commentator ever, although Danny is a close 2nd

  • cricket lover on April 6, 2012, 21:18 GMT

    very well written ignore the crictics your the best