Chris Read's sniper rifle
What were we thinking of when choosing Geraint Jones as our latest victim for the caption competition? Our past competitions have invoked the evil, the dirty and the downright bizarre in all of you but, this time, you usurped yourselves with ease.
Paramjeet Singh from Kuala Lumpur got the ball rolling, as it were, with what either could be considered a disturbing, or merely a spurious, lateral thinking with this thought. "Jones to Trescothick, 'I enjoyed that. Was it good for you too?'" Chris Sharland from Bath University was rather more obvious with his, and showed an appreciable degree of humour with "Wake up Jonesey, you can have a lie in next week!" Very good, Chris, but you were one of hundreds to offer similar sentiments. Better luck next time.
Addicted to words and puns as we are, David Rush's submission nearly had us rolling on the floor like Geraint. "Jonesy, when break dancing you're not actually meant to break anything. Numpty!" Although, perhaps it's just the word 'numpty' we enjoyed so much. Meanwhile, Simon Swain, a trainee solicitor had us scratching our beards with the most peculiar offering to date. "Important: This is a personal e-mail and is not an official communication of Slaughter and May". What on earth was he thinking, and what's all this death and murder mean in the finest of spring months, May? We soon found Simon's entry: "Lucky you didn't put Tresco off - we might have dropped you and brought Chris Read back if you had..." Erm, yes...except he was dropped, Simon.
Fernando Cuadros, working at Canary Wharf in central London, cast his gaze long enough away from the screen and out of the window, across the hazy city, to produce this gem. "If you stare at the clouds long enough - they turn into Freddie Flintoff!" Perhaps you might request to move floors, Fernando, and out of the clouds. While Fernando was cloud-spotting, Steve couldn't get The King out of his head. "And so mate...Elvis is walking out to bat" which confused as much as it tickled us.
Disturbingly for our employers, the sadistic comments you offered brought the most laughs. "Looks like Chris Read got hold of that sniper rifle," quipped Kevin Gibson from South Tyneside council. "I knew I shouldn't have bought Chris Read that sniper rifle for his birthday," offered David Welton which were the tip of an ever-growing iceberg of murderous thoughts instilled in you.
More worrying even than the many rifles shooting through our inbox was one man, Darren Beaney, a medical student from Brighton. "Kick him!" Darren said with glee,"That will wake him up!" I'm not familiar with the latest medical techniques in use these days, but "kicking" sounds thoroughly Victorian to me. Ian Johnson was similarly brutal, somehow bringing Geoff Boycott's mum into the equation: "Geoffrey Boycott's mum says she'll be back out to give you another slap if you even think about dropping another dolly..." Thankfully Talha Ashra took our minds off such gruesome images: "USA-CLEAN has the largest floor-machine service-only network in America!" he roared. Brilliant, Talha!
The wonderfully named Jolly Matthew from India stoked our linguistic fires with a fine piece of wordplay. "Geraint. Don't faint; if you can't read it then leave it for Read to read." Superb. Of equal excellence was Mark Hefter's dry comment "Jones: 'Duncan Fletcher always makes me lie like this after a c*ck up". Marvellous effort there.
Prizes, then, to David Welton, Jolly Matthew and Mark Hefter. Join us for the final Test at The Oval where we'll have another competition for you.
Will Luke is editorial assistant of Cricinfo