Nana Boycs

Like a certain former England captain, she has a degree in people

What if Ijaz Butt became the ICC chief?

And what will happen when a certain Loved One dies?

Nana Boycs

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Composite: Munaf Patel and Penelope Cruz
Can you tell what these two have in common? © Getty Images
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What will happen when Ijaz Butt becomes the ICC chief? asks harshalb
Apparently to avoid that situation, the ICC is considering putting an end to its policy of president rotation - which is not the same as switching on the ceiling fan that the president has just grabbed in fright because he thought he heard Kerry Packer's voice behind him. That is still very much part of the initiation rites at the ICC.

But would it really be bad if Butt was put in charge of world cricket? The current ICC staff hasn't been very successful in educating the players on right and wrong. That's not a problem for Butt, considering the number of class trips to court he has organised for Pakistan's players over the last few years. And I can't see him being lily-livered about enforcing the DRS universally. If the BCCI continue to resist, he'll just sack them on disciplinary grounds and force them retire. Also, when the ICC really make a mess of a situation, there's no one better to confuse the public and the media about what really happened. He may be no Humphrey Appleby, but Ijaz Butt can certainly obfuscate the point with conspiracy theories, denials and predictions so incomprehensible that you forget what you had asked in the first place.

What if Munaf Patel became a better fielder than Jonty? asks Swidwood
India would be world champions. No, wait, they already are. They would put the opposition under pressure because their worst fielder is the world's best fielder. But they are also already No. 1 in Tests, so do they need that?

There is no benefit to India if Munaf's fielding abilities were to suddenly get a massive boost*. It would be better for them if he turned his attention from spin bowling back to pace.

What will happen to the world when Sachin Tendulkar dies? asks Bharadwaj
There now, you've gone and upset my cats, VVS and Rahul, with your horrid question. To pacify them, everyone repeat after me in a breezy fashion: "That's never going to happen. Tendulkar will outlive us all, and will one day be sitting on the beach sipping margaritas, next to a couple of giant tortoises and several cockroaches he has taught how to bat."

Do you think Simon Katich did the right thing by speaking out against Cricket Australia? Or is it better to repress your feelings and hope to get another chance some day? asks Contractless
The ideal strategy would be to stay silent while manipulating the officials, media and players around you to make your way back in. In psychiatric circles it's called the Ganguly Disposition. But very few naturally possess it, and to create it artificially you need to combine electro-shock therapy with a complete understanding of Nietzsche's Superman theory. Don't try it at home.

I wouldn't recommend repressing your feelings, either. Look what happened to Paul Collingwood and his gentlemanly reserve. He chose to make a dignified exit from Tests, only for them to sack him as the Twenty20 captain. And where is he now? Only on the list of ginger cricketers, next to Andrew McDonald.

The Katich way, though axe to foot, is the only way then, I'm afraid. If nothing else, you have the satisfaction of possibly saving future generations from administrative incompetence, and perhaps seeing someone like Greg Chappell attend sensitivity classes.

*The maths teacher at our local primary school tells me that the energy levels of the "boost" that Munaf would require to better Jonty were last seen during the Big Bang. And the probability of Munaf achieving those energy levels is 1 in 1.5 billion, the same as the probability of any man finding Penelope Cruz's accent annoying.

Leave your questions for Nana Boycs in the comments below

Nana Boycs was speaking to Samantha Pendergrast while waiting in line to pre-order ESPNcricinfo's World Cup 2011 book

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Comments: 29 
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Comments have now been closed for this article

Posted by Chandan on (June 22, 2011, 7:16 GMT)

What will be when Zaheer Khan and S Sreesanth will open the Indian inn in test matches against Australia in perth?

Posted by Dummy4 on (June 22, 2011, 0:17 GMT)

Only thing ICC should change is to never make a corrupt BCCI official as President/CEO of ICC. BCCI is ruining Cricket with it corrupt and biased policies.

Posted by Naresh on (June 21, 2011, 20:57 GMT)

rofl @ "its called the Ganguly Disposotion.." bwahaha

Posted by amir on (June 21, 2011, 19:29 GMT)

hahahhaha....funniest article ever....appreciated....

Posted by Dummy4 on (June 21, 2011, 19:29 GMT)

@Muhammad Shahzad: Nothing much would change. Kamran Akmal actually sees football as big as a marble

Posted by Sunil on (June 21, 2011, 16:39 GMT)

Should Chris Gayle be advised to join the West Indian team in disguise, under a pseudonym?

Posted by Dummy4 on (June 21, 2011, 14:13 GMT)

it will abviously improve

Posted by Dummy4 on (June 21, 2011, 14:12 GMT)

Nothing will be changed as Pakistan cricket administration is real jokes.

Posted by Eshwar on (June 21, 2011, 13:55 GMT)

Questions of bad taste answered in much worse taste.

Posted by Dummy4 on (June 21, 2011, 13:52 GMT)

come on guys , Munaf atleast is quicker than praveen stop foolling yourself

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