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Stuart and Ash

Yuvraj Singh c Collingwood b Flintoff 58

Our intrepid commentary duo were in the box when Yuvraj let fly in Durban

Alex Bowden

Comments: 15 | Text size: A | A
Yuvraj Singh launches the fifth of his six sixes in an over, England v India, Group E, ICC World Twenty20, Durban, September 19, 2007
Massive, yes, but can you get more than six? © Getty Images

Stuart: The 19th over of this World Twenty20 match will be bowled by Stuart Broad.

Ash: Yuvraj is ticking, Stu. I think he's going to get after young Broad.

Stuart: Well, he's got the licence to play his shots and… oh, good heavens, did you see that fly past the window then Ash? What was it?

Ash: Sixer!

Stuart: A what? That's not a bird. I rather think it might have been a great crested grebe.

Ash: No, the cricket. Yuvraj has hit a sixer.

Stuart: A what? Oh, a six. Yes, you're quite right. India were on 171 before that delivery and the scoreboard reads 177 now, so he must have cleared the ropes. What a strapping young man he is. Now, about that grebe, Ash?

Ash: Sixer!

Stuart: No, grebe. Wait. What's going on?

Ash: Another sixer, Stu. Massive hit. Just massive.

Stuart: Well, if it's gone for six then that's pretty obvious, isn't it? Of course it's a big hit.

Ash: He's flicked it off his legs. Just massive.

Stuart: He still only gets six for it, Ash.

Ash: He should get 12.

Stuart: But he doesn't. He gets six.

Ash: Sixer!

Stuart: Jeepers. Is that two in a row?

Ash: Three, Stu. Massive hit. Just massive.

Stuart: It wasn't that big a hit. It barely cleared the ropes.

Ash: It was another 12 that, Stu.

Stuart: It was, at most, a seven. Should I put the battenburg somewhere safe? I rather feel that one of these might come into our commentary box. Wouldn't want the cake to bear the brunt of the impact.

Ash: Sixer!

Stuart: Don't say it, Stu. Don't say it. They caught that in the first row. It wasn't massive.

Ash: Massive. Absolutely massive. Four in a row. Four of the biggest sixes you'll ever see.

Stuart: They really weren't. Yes, they cleared the ropes, but they're hardly setting any distance records, are they? Be honest.

Ash: Just massive.

Stuart: Have you had too much sugar? I think I will put this battenburg away. It's clearly...

Ash: Sixer!

Stuart: Don't say it. Don't you dare say it.

Ash: Absolutely massive.

Stuart: Are you blind? It went very high, I'll give you that, but it wasn't an unusually large hit. It's not the size that's significant here, it's the fact that he's hit five in a row.

Ash: This is magnificent stuff.

Stuart: Why? Because he's hit five sixes in a row or because of how far he's hit them?

Ash: Both, Stu.

Stuart: No. Wrong. It's solely because he's hit five in a row. The size of the hits is absolutely nothing to write home about. Your critical faculties are failing you. You're all hyped-up on battenburg and you've lost your equilibrium.

Ash: Sixer!

Stuart: Stop saying that! Why can't you just say "six"?

Ash: It's six sixers, Stu!

Stuart: Not sixer sixers then?

Ash: Six maximums.

Stuart: I think that's worse. I think I prefer sixer to maximum.

Ash: Astonishing stuff.

Stuart: Maximum does make a certain sense, I suppose, but I just don't like the sound of it.

Ash: Six sixers. Absolutely amazing.

Stuart: Please say "six".

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket.
All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?

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Comments: 15 
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Comments have now been closed for this article

Posted by hattrick_thug on (November 29, 2011, 7:59 GMT)

Crashingly tedious. Perhaps something early teenagers might have a chuckle at. For consistent, well-rounded, adult humour, see Andy Zaltzman and Anand Ramachandran, and occasionally Sidin Vadukkut.

Posted by Dummy4 on (November 29, 2011, 6:49 GMT)

Just because you write for Page 2, doesn't automatically make you funny or you think so because of sense of entitlement!

Posted by Ian on (November 29, 2011, 6:36 GMT)

Stu and Ash are a global phenomenon. An archetype of post, post-modern comedic journalism. Indeed, they have been described as "the teeny decade's answer to Gonzo journalism." And as another expert put it, "it becomes impossible to discern who is being ironic", including (I might add) those who comment here as well as the author and his alter-egos.

In short, Stu and Ash are massive.

Posted by Dummy4 on (November 29, 2011, 5:06 GMT)

extremely boring. Page 2 needs better entries.

Posted by Dilip on (November 28, 2011, 21:25 GMT)

Classic and a reflection of a typical englishman's indifference, reluctance to admit any achievement by an asian/Indian player..

Posted by Shafraz on (November 28, 2011, 18:17 GMT)

seriously boring,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Posted by Abhishek on (November 28, 2011, 15:32 GMT)

super boring... please take inspiration from Andy Zaltzman... to be honest he is soo good, any other attmpt at comical journalism looks really naive ...

Posted by chaminda on (November 28, 2011, 15:03 GMT)


Posted by Rajat on (November 28, 2011, 14:49 GMT)

very seriously!!!!........u gurs can do a lot better than this!

Posted by Dummy4 on (November 28, 2011, 13:35 GMT)


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