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India return to zero's welcome

Details of arrival scanty since no one really cares

R Rajkumar

Comments: 10 | Text size: A | A
MS Dhoni poses for a photo with a flight attendant, Visakhapatnam, October 21, 2010
Dhoni had to coax the team masseuse into dressing up as an airline employee and ask to have her picture taken with him © AFP
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Players/Officials: MS Dhoni | Virender Sehwag | Sachin Tendulkar
Teams: India

Thousands of fans screaming the names of their favourite players and trying to get autographs and pictures at almost any cost (one of them lifting up his shirt to show Virat Kohli the likeness of him he had tattooed across his stomach) didn't show up to greet the Indian team at the airport as the players arrived from their tour of Australia.

Instead, the airport wore a deserted, almost unrecognisable look, as players stood around waiting for their bags to be brought to them before realising they were going to have to do it themselves. Media crews assembled outside the arrivals hall, cameras popping wildly and reporters at the ready, failed to do any of those things, as they weren't actually there either.

Neither was this reporter, having had something more important to do instead, like download the latest version of Angry Birds, if there is one. In fact, he had to rely on reports from players' families and friends for the purpose of this article.

According to them, the players were able to unhurriedly exit the airport at their leisure, without incident. Players who live in or around the city were able to leave through the main exit as opposed to the customary "VIP" wing, which, incidentally, they were barred from entering. Those who caught connecting flights to other cities were asked to join the lines of other people doing the same.

"It's great to be able to walk around like a normal person for once," tweeted Virender Sehwag. "Not one person has come up for an autograph. I feel like a free man," he said, though this was quickly followed by: "Starting to feel a little weird, though".

Later in the day Sachin Tendulkar could be seen pacing the balcony of his house trying to sight a news crew so he could tell them how thrilled he felt to be able to appear on his balcony and, for once, not worry about a news crew trying to video his every move.

"So great to be able to walk down the street to the corner shop for buffalo milk and bread, and not worry about being mobbed along the way," said MS Dhoni, according to his mother. "I can take one of my bikes out for a ride and I don't even have to wear a helmet." According to his mother, Dhoni then broke down and sobbed in her lap, asking why no one cares about whether or not he plans to grow his hair back.

As per eyewitness reports there is little else known about the details of the Indian players returning to their homes, as there are no eyewitness reports.

A majority of Indian people seemed indifferent or unaware that the team had arrived. Indeed, reruns of highlights of the recently concluded series were reportedly going unwatched by India's traditionally sports-inclined television viewership.

Most viewers had apparently tuned in to other programmes, one of which might come as only a mild surprise to the players and officials who run cricket in the country: the newly inaugurated World Series Hockey league.

R Rajkumar tweets here

All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?

Tell us what you think. Send us your feedback

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Comments: 10 
Posted by Lynch_BCCI on (March 9, 2012, 4:35 GMT)

U mean Cricket Inclined Television Viewership when you say India's Sport Inclined Television Viewership... ...

Posted by Vincent49 on (March 9, 2012, 2:45 GMT)

I find that a bit hard to believe. You cant imply that there is no such thing as a loyal fan. Media manipulation is my thoughts.

Posted by chad_reid on (March 9, 2012, 2:41 GMT)

ahaahaha nice one. need to have 25 characters

Posted by yogikanna on (March 9, 2012, 0:41 GMT)

Haha good one.....I wish this was a true article. The team indeed deserves a zero's welcome...LOL, especially the test team.

Posted by mLv1 on (March 8, 2012, 20:57 GMT)

And no one logged in to read this (not-at-all) funny article as well.. This post is apparently a players' family/friend who's trying to show someone gives a damn!

Posted by Philip_Gnana on (March 8, 2012, 11:52 GMT)

Sad state of affairs. Thank you Rajkumar for having reported on their arrival although you were not there. At least someone has reported this event. The team could do with less intrusion and let this be the start of addressing matters that are of serious concerns to the Indian Test cricket as a whole. It is time to forget the past (looking to the future) including the seniors, who need to hang up their "boots" bats and ball whatever and bring in the changes that are necessary so the young and promising get the games they require. I am sure the likes of Satchin & co must be enjoying their new found freedom, literally speaking. A graceful exit will do the Indian cricket loving nation a who load of good. The fast lane is now hogged with the "old crocks" let the new breed now start using those tracks. Nice Picture that of Dhoni...and.. Nice to see a smiley couple. :) Philip Gnana, Surrey

Posted by   on (March 8, 2012, 11:27 GMT)

good thing..atleast, media also did not do so much of dissection..

Posted by   on (March 8, 2012, 9:46 GMT)

This could have been a real report. It is time to move on from cricket. It is time to thank Sachin and others for whatever they have done and get them out of our sporting minds. Hopefully this year's IPL will be deserted and some of the players' sponsors quit. The players don't care about pride. So hit them where it hurts (money). Let us not hate them, rubbish them and give them publicity. Let us just plainly ignore them.

Posted by godatno4 on (March 8, 2012, 6:14 GMT)

hmm...I guess we all know this... so nothing hilarious Raj... Few of your earlier posts were really funny... not just for the sake of writing an article in Page 2.. The quality of an article is quite important..

Posted by   on (March 8, 2012, 6:07 GMT)

@Sehwag,Dhoni&Sachin...carry on the good work....in due course we Indians will forget ur name also..hence u can roam around freely anywhere in India...who bothers.U...if u guys are not bothered about winning..the matches...

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