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The week on Twitter

'I've never seen a wicket turning or seaming'

That and other frank confessions in this week's Twitter round-up

Alex Bowden

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Paul Collingwood at the premiere of 'Fire in Babylon' at Leicester Square, London, May 9, 2011
Ruthless minibar-raider by night © AFP

The opportunity
Graham Onions is looking on the bright side.

"The lads are hurting but the best thing about back to back tests is that the chance of bouncing back so quickly is huge!"

On the other hand, the worst thing about back-to-back Tests is that the chance of a tired, dispirited team having their problems compounded by a second heavy defeat inside a fortnight is equally huge.

The childhood relived
Queensland's Ben Cutting is regressing.

"went back to my roots tonight..hanging upside down from the monkey bars! #gotstuck #Orielpark"

Were you a bat?

The life on the edge
Paul Collingwood isn't holding back.

"Just had an unbelievable experience, 5 ferrero rochers of the bounce #minibar #irresistible"

Is that a personal best? The ambassador would be most impressed.

The lap times
Speaking of personal bests, Nikita Miller reckons he's speeding up.

"3 laps in 4mins. Fitness is improving by the day. #winnings"

Laps of what? Laps of a track? Laps of the living room? Laps of a Scalextric track? We'll judge your fitness progress only when you include all the pertinent details.

The 12th man
Steven Finn played his part during the first Test.

"Good fight back from the lads today. My personal highlight was hand feeding @MattPrior13 a banana in a drinks break."

Prior was impressed with Finn's work.

"@finnysteve it was done with a level of expertise I wasn't quite expecting steve! Might use a knife and fork next time..."

But the true greats are perfectionists, always looking for ways in which they can improve.

"@MattPrior13 think I held it the wrong way. Would have been easier to eat on the droop rather than on the rise."

The 13th man
Graeme Swann says that Stuart Meaker's a keen student of the game.

"Amazed to discover that @SMeaker18 has got to international level still believing that 'played on' is different to 'bowled' in the scorebook"

"It's unclear whether @SMeaker18 also thinks that caught left handed is different to caught right handed."

The pitch
Bishan Bedi's turn.

"I've never seen a wicket 'turning' or 'seaming'--always believed it was the bowler who 'turned' or 'seamed'...!!"

You've clearly not been to Old Trafford recently. That pitch has turned through 90 degrees.

The film review
Rob Key's been to see Skyfall. Was it as good as everyone says, Rob?

"Just watched skyfall. Not bad but not as good as people have said. #slow"

Tino Best's modesty corner
Tino's still quoting himself.

"Giving up isn't an option I'm gonna leave everything out there on that field that's how I want to be remembered~Tino95"

It carries more weight when someone else admires your words, Tino. You're not impartial. In fact, you've actually got something of a reputation for not evaluating your own achievements in a realistic manner. Look at the title of this item if you want evidence of that.

What's your philosophy?
Virender Sehwag must be full of confidence and belief after flaying England's attack in the first Test.

"To Believe In Something In Which Everyone Believes Is "Belief" But To Believe In Something In Which Nobody Believes Is "Confidence""

It could also be a sign that you're paranoid and delusional. If you believe hairdressers want to steal your hair - because hair are your aerials, picking up signals from the cosmos - then that confidence is probably misplaced.

That said, Kraigg Brathwaite might disagree.

""Nothing is impossible unless you stop believing in it""

Kraigg used inverted commas for that but didn't say who he was quoting. Let's assume that he was quoting Kraigg Brathwaite.

Nando's Watch
"Friday night and I've got no idea what to do with myself.. Anyone fancy a nandos?!"

A last resort? The cricketer's favourite restaurant is fast losing its hard-earned reputation.

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket

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Posted by Dummy4 on (November 25, 2012, 13:29 GMT)

There are some things I could do without before lunch. Finn and Prior debating the best way to feed someone a phallic object is probably one of them.

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