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The week on Twitter

'Fingers crossed for a bit of Whitesnake and Bon Jovi'

Unspeakable desires and then some in our Twitter round-up this week

Alex Bowden

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Graeme Swann celebrates after taking a wicket, Sri Lanka v England, Super Eights, World Twenty20, Pallekele, October 1, 2012
Like a drifter he was born to walk alone © AFP
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In this week's Twitter round-up, we learn when it is and isn't appropriate to cheer for your team, we discover a new use for Botox, and we find one cricketer going beyond merely smashing his food. We also get another vivid insight into the life of Kemar Roach, but be warned - it's like you're actually there, living his experiences for yourself. It's not for the faint-hearted.

The runner
Pat Cummins deserves better.

"I took Mum out for Lunch and she left halfway through. I don't like my chances of a second date. #notreplyingtomytexts"
@93Cummins

Wait a minute. Where did you take her?

The celebrations
Have the England players overcome their nasty habit of celebrating series victories with 1980s soft rock? Let's go to Graeme Swann for the answer.

"You should always celebrate a series win. Fingers crossed for a bit of whitesnake and bon jovi."
@Swannyg66

No, they have not.

The lack of progress
Last week Ramnaresh Sarwan was informing us of his "early morning movements". It's safe to assume he wouldn't do that again, right?

"Early morning movements!"
@ronniesarwan

What is this compulsion of yours to tell us this? What is anyone getting out of this?

The irrelevant hash tag
Andrew Hall's got some sort of self-cheerleading Tourette's.

"School visit today @ Latimer College talking about health and sport. #gosteelbacks"
@AndrewHall99

"Making a cup of tea #gosteelbacks" - you see how it doesn't always apply, Andrew?

The surprise
What's Matt Prior been up to in New Zealand?

"Well that was amazing! Never thought id do a handstand off a platform into a canyon!"
@MattPrior13

Few of us do expect that.

The jab
Queensland's Ben Cutting needs some treatment.

"Injection into the groin tomorrow before jumping on a QF home to Brisbane. The jab I hear u ask? Botox...."
@Cuttsy31

Relax. Pretty soon you'll be free of those unwanted wrinkles.

The query
Ajinkya Rahane has a question.

"In hyderabad, had good training session. What you all up to guys?"
@ajinkyarahane88

We're all checking Twitter. Obviously.

Life with Kemar Roach
Kemar's still sharing every detail with us. You get a real feel for how his week's been.

"Back On A Plane Again! #Grenada"
@KemarAJR

"Grenada!"

"Rainy Day In Grenada!"

"Brilliant Dinner!"

"Last Night In Grenada! #GoHardOrGoHome"

Presumably, as it's his last night, he opted to "go home".

"Barbados Here I Come Again!"

At least he's excited about it.

What's your philosophy?
We already know that Kemar Roach isn't a man to waste words.

"Words Of Righteousness Do Us So Much, People Have There Wealth And Yet No Purpose!"
@KemarAJR

Kemar's background image is a picture of a BMW.

Smashwatch
Can anyone go further than merely smashing food? Surely Tim Bresnan's a likely candidate.

"The one thing my wife needs to learn about cooking is portion control. This spag bol is delicious but I feel like the man v food bloke"
@timbresnan

That is not the spirit. Next.

Chris Tremlett?

"Just murdered final 400g steak of the trip.. back to normal portions from tomorrow.. bit cooler climate too"
@ChrisTremlett33

Food murder. That's more like it.

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket

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