Back in Black

Ottis Gibson is being sorely missed at the Riverside this year. A fairly simple statement you might think. The man was nothing short of talismanic last year. But while his presence was not only vital to our on-field results, as wickets came his way with considerable regularity, he also lent much-needed credibility to the club’s Twenty20 marketing campaign. That the campaign won an award for best advertising (forgive me for not knowing the actual name of such a prestigious acclaim) owes solely to Gibbo’s presence.

There was someone else who featured… someone who you may feel was equally as critical to its success, as his name was the cornerstone of the whole gimmick. At this point I will cease that most nauseating of habits – talking about myself in the third person – yes, Gibbo and I were the chosen ones. Those of you who have seen the film ‘Men in Black’ will know that it features one of many Will Smith’s that exist in this world.

So due to my penchant for favouring the moniker ‘Will’ to my full Christian name William, the fact that Gibbo has the aptitude for looking mean and moody (not to mention his innate coolness), and that for last year’s Twenty20 competition the Durham Dynamo’s wore black, all went hand in hand to create the fantastic opportunity for my good name to be sullied. I simply cannot do mean and moody like my multi-million pound namesake. Or, it seems, like Gibbo.

Nevertheless, the photo shoot was conducted, amid much shoddy sunglass-enhanced pouting and pseudo gun (for gun, read silver-painted cricket bat) waving. Interesting fact: the man charged with organizing this just so happened to be a good school friend of mine. He is now an ex-school friend.

So for this year’s Twenty20 campaign, one in which we as a club are determined to make successful on the pitch (helped by the signings of Albie Morkel and Shaun Pollock) it appears the marketing department are keen to repeat the dose of excruciating embarrassment for me, by commissioning ‘Men In Black II.’

Presumably, I thought, they would draft Gibbo in to provide the sequel with the necessary ballast. After all, ‘Men in Black II’ featured both the cool, mean Will Smith and the nerdy Tommy Lee Jones. Not so. Maybe Gibbo has realised that in assuming his role as England’s bowling coach, he has just risen above this kind of shenanigan. I don’t blame him.

So who to cast as my sidekick then? He has to be someone tough, someone who takes no prisoners, someone who has a threatening physical presence perhaps. It turns out Gibbo’s replacement is one of only two people in the squad who I actually might have covered in the height stakes! That man’s identity may surprise you; it is the one and only Gareth Breese – our loveable, pint-sized off-tweaker.

So, a few weeks ago, a similar photo-shoot took place. Of course it was all old hat to a seasoned ‘Man in Black’ like myself. I must say I had to guide Breesey through the tougher aspects of the shoot. He had trouble in particular trying to perfect the slight head-tilt, necessary to create the aura of such a brave world-saving hero. It took time, but we got through it in the end, and now the results are on display for all to see. ‘Men in Black II – Back in Black.’ Should you find yourself wandering through Newcastle city centre, or perhaps if you use any form of North-East public transport, then you may just notice us, two of the most un-intimidating cricketers imaginable, staring at you smouldering with intent. Don’t be scared.

For the mean time its back to my day job – the somewhat mundane matter of county cricket will make do for now, but I expect the job offers and castings to flood in due course.

On the pitch, the early season gripes about rain and no form seem to have disappeared for the time being. A few sunny days followed by a few runs in the second team, and all things seem rosy again. Cricket is an amazing game – the ups and downs can go from the richly rewarding to the excruciatingly frustrating. As a team, we are through to the quarter finals of the Friends Provident Trophy, after two victories over Bank Holiday weekend. We are defending champions of course, and a mouth-watering tie at home to Nottinghamshire next Wednesday is looming large on the horizon.

All that and then the explosive Twenty20 arrives in town. I believe we are running out to field to AC/DC’s ‘Back in Black’. You’ve got to hand it to our marketing department!