Forget the Ashes, England

From Brendan Layton, Australia
One of the unexpected laughs of the week came at the expense of England, who showed the world they are still the masters of disaster with a dismal collapse to 51 in their test against the West Indies. And the reason I laugh? Every Pommie supporter has been in my ears or on Cricinfo talking up how Australia will be devastated on their trip for England. Following their ridiculous fall on the weekend, I am completely confident that we will retain our hold on the priceless urn.

England and Australia are often accused of paying too much attention to the Ashes. It is true to some respects, although Australia in its time puts a lot of priority on its duels these days with South Africa and especially India, as well as having a long standing competition with the Windies for the Frank Worrell Trophy. England, however, are clearly Ashes-obsessed. The tabloids in England are more infatuated with beating Australia than they are with Amy Winehouse's drunken exploits or what stupid comment the Gallagher brothers have summoned for the week. It's an old sore that they cannot tolerate, a colony creating its own identity and then emerging as superior in some aspects, as they have with cricket.

The hysteria surrounding 2005, when England thrillingly won to breathe life back into the contest, was a good example of how much they revere the contest, and how much it means for them to win. There were some that hadn't ever seen the urn in England's trophy cabinet following its capture in 1989 and subsequent long term possession by Australia. I don't blame them for going mad and then giving MBEs top the victorious team. They did the same for the English Union team when they won the World Cup in 2003, having knocked off, you guessed it, Australia for the title.

England were widely rumoured to be treating this tour as an 'Ashes warm-up'. How that has now backfired spectacularly. Their reliance on Kevin Pietersen is beginning to grow with every Test, especially with the continually lean showings of Alastair Cook and the spineless Ian Bell. Their bowling, apart from the luckless yet venomous 'Freddie' Flintoff, is rather frail. Stuart Broad is developing but can't hide a lack of real pace. Ryan Sidebottom is steady and accurate, but can be negotiated by a good batting line-up. He went wicketless at Kingston, and that might be playing on their minds. The less said of Harmison and Jimmy Anderson the better. Neither are the answer for England's bowling woes.

Harmy is way too inconsistent and has problems with his attitude. Now that he is on the wrong side of 30, they need to cut off from a talented but highly enigmatic bowler. Anderson is a real conundrum. He can bowl prodigious swing at a good pace at times but when he has an off day, which is quite often, he can be plundered for many runs. He was highly ineffectual in the last Ashes series, and the Australian batsmen will be licking their lips if he comes into contention for a place. Monty is certainly their best spinner. And one would hope he finds his mojo, as he can be considered a far better spin bowler than anyone Australia can muster at the present time. England needs to have a long think, and so do all you Pom supporters out there. Do you really think you can win the Ashes with this inconsistent bunch of underachievers?