Ryder Cup '14: Mankaddy Madness
Golf and cricket come together in a new game where European cricketers are pitted against the rest of the world
James Marsh
29-Sep-2014
The game features a two-stroke bonus for hitting a realistic Ian Botham squawking head that pops up unexpectedly in the course of play • AFP
As the life of a professional sportsman goes, it was a pretty tough weekend for cricketers, who had to choose between trying out the newly released FIFA 15 and watching the Ryder Cup. Golf or FIFA? FIFA or Golf? For the average player this is like asking them to choose which leg to keep, and a distraught Alex Hales even took to Twitter to express his horror at this very unique Sophie's choice.
Fortunately cricketers' twin loves of computer games and golf fantasies have been combined in a new title called Ryder Cup '14: Mankaddy Madness, in which European Cricketers battle it out against the Rest of the World for the coveted trophy. Here's how the final day singles panned out when I was lucky enough to be sent a preview copy. The level of realism is quite astonishing:
Stuart Broad v Yuvraj Singh, Europe win 3&2
After awarding himself an eagle for the first seven holes despite video evidence suggesting he had, in fact, ricocheted every drive off a tree into the hands of a steward, Broad is well placed. The match remains tight, however, until the closing stages, when Yuvi's disappointing run of 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6 means the controversial England quick comes out on top. He then drives a buggy into a bunker after refusing to walk back to the clubhouse.
After awarding himself an eagle for the first seven holes despite video evidence suggesting he had, in fact, ricocheted every drive off a tree into the hands of a steward, Broad is well placed. The match remains tight, however, until the closing stages, when Yuvi's disappointing run of 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6 means the controversial England quick comes out on top. He then drives a buggy into a bunker after refusing to walk back to the clubhouse.
Ian Bell v Shahid Afridi, ROW win 2&1
After a series of stunning irons that have the crowd purring, Bell is looking good until being docked five shots for wandering off the course before his birdie putt on the 15th to eat a sandwich for 40 minutes. Afridi takes full advantage but is apprehended on the 17th fairway by a PCB official, who tells him he's "too unfit to play golf" and fines him $2000. Afridi immediately announces his "retirement from all forms of plus fours" before coming back to the course three minutes later to seal his win by putting the ball into the hole from 35 feet left-handed.
After a series of stunning irons that have the crowd purring, Bell is looking good until being docked five shots for wandering off the course before his birdie putt on the 15th to eat a sandwich for 40 minutes. Afridi takes full advantage but is apprehended on the 17th fairway by a PCB official, who tells him he's "too unfit to play golf" and fines him $2000. Afridi immediately announces his "retirement from all forms of plus fours" before coming back to the course three minutes later to seal his win by putting the ball into the hole from 35 feet left-handed.
Tim Gruijters v Kumar Sangakkara, Europe win 6&5
Many had expected Sanga's lovely drives to win the day here, but in a shock twist the Dutch management claim Gruijters has severely injured his ear bending down to pick up his ball in practice and so replace him with Rory McIlroy. The Irishman goes on, not surprisingly, to win quite comfortably.
Many had expected Sanga's lovely drives to win the day here, but in a shock twist the Dutch management claim Gruijters has severely injured his ear bending down to pick up his ball in practice and so replace him with Rory McIlroy. The Irishman goes on, not surprisingly, to win quite comfortably.
Jimmy Anderson v Ravi Jadeja, match halved
After a strong start, with the ball still shiny in damp Scottish conditions, Jimmy races into a three-hole lead. Sadly, after an ugly dispute over whose checkered trousers are more ridiculous, Anderson is then docked four points for pushing Jaddu into a water hazard, but claws it back before the Indian southpaw takes the match on the 18th in a thrilling counter-attack. He celebrates victory by swinging his putter around like a samurai sword, unfortunately striking a tournament official in the shin. He is penalised a shot, meaning the match is halved. Both players grudgingly shake hands before being sent to bed early by their parents.
After a strong start, with the ball still shiny in damp Scottish conditions, Jimmy races into a three-hole lead. Sadly, after an ugly dispute over whose checkered trousers are more ridiculous, Anderson is then docked four points for pushing Jaddu into a water hazard, but claws it back before the Indian southpaw takes the match on the 18th in a thrilling counter-attack. He celebrates victory by swinging his putter around like a samurai sword, unfortunately striking a tournament official in the shin. He is penalised a shot, meaning the match is halved. Both players grudgingly shake hands before being sent to bed early by their parents.
Alastair Cook v David Warner, ROW win 8&7
Despite falling further and further behind to the punchy Australian, Cook steadfastly refuses to use his driver, instead choosing to putt the ball off every tee. He eventually loses 8&7, but ECB chairman of selectors James Whitaker is quick to praise the England skipper's "resilience in not using his driver " and immediately appoints him Europe captain for the next ten tournaments.
Despite falling further and further behind to the punchy Australian, Cook steadfastly refuses to use his driver, instead choosing to putt the ball off every tee. He eventually loses 8&7, but ECB chairman of selectors James Whitaker is quick to praise the England skipper's "resilience in not using his driver " and immediately appoints him Europe captain for the next ten tournaments.
James Tredwell v Saeed Ajmal, match halved
Disaster ensues as the Pakistani offspinner's arm is mistaken for a dog-leg right and Tredwell attempts to drive his ball up it with a bit of draw. With Ajmal injured in the mix-up, the teams agree the point will be shared.
Disaster ensues as the Pakistani offspinner's arm is mistaken for a dog-leg right and Tredwell attempts to drive his ball up it with a bit of draw. With Ajmal injured in the mix-up, the teams agree the point will be shared.
Moeen Ali v Shane Watson, match halved
Similar result to Tredwell v Ajmal, as Watson accidentally tries to put his golf spikes on the wrong way up and is unable to walk for three months.
Similar result to Tredwell v Ajmal, as Watson accidentally tries to put his golf spikes on the wrong way up and is unable to walk for three months.
Joe Root v Mitchell Johnson, ROW win by default
An aggressive start from Johnson sees him aim his first nine tee shots at the ribs and nose of the young England batsman. Although this loses him every hole, Root eventually decides to go and play against Ishant Sharma instead and forfeits the match.
An aggressive start from Johnson sees him aim his first nine tee shots at the ribs and nose of the young England batsman. Although this loses him every hole, Root eventually decides to go and play against Ishant Sharma instead and forfeits the match.
Jos Buttler v Sachithra Senanayake, ROW win 1 up
With Buttler about to putt on the 16th to win the match, the crafty Sri Lankan steals his putter and replaces it with a baguette. A quick check of the rule book finds that replacing an opponent's putter with a baguette isn't strictly illegal but Senanayake is widely believed to have breached golf's much-loved "spirit of baguettes". He goes on to win, despite further concerns his tactic of throwing the ball up the fairway instead of hitting it may be a bit suspicious.
With Buttler about to putt on the 16th to win the match, the crafty Sri Lankan steals his putter and replaces it with a baguette. A quick check of the rule book finds that replacing an opponent's putter with a baguette isn't strictly illegal but Senanayake is widely believed to have breached golf's much-loved "spirit of baguettes". He goes on to win, despite further concerns his tactic of throwing the ball up the fairway instead of hitting it may be a bit suspicious.
Ben Stokes v Pankaj Singh, Europe walkover
Stokes is awarded the match after Pankaj's clubs are unluckily mistaken for a bomb by security and destroyed in a controlled explosion.
Stokes is awarded the match after Pankaj's clubs are unluckily mistaken for a bomb by security and destroyed in a controlled explosion.
Chris Woakes v MS Dhoni, Europe win 1 up
With both the overall score and this match level, things are tense as the Indian keeper and young England tyro head up the last fairway. ROW fans are left bemused, however, as Dhoni hits a perfect four iron within three inches of the hole, but then refuses to tap it in, claiming he "wants another go" at his approach shot. Despite incurring a penalty on each occasion, he does this a further three times, leaving Woakes' steady but unspectacular par to win the hole, match and trophy. Following press criticism, Dhoni suggests the European players are just jealous of his snazzy golf bag.
With both the overall score and this match level, things are tense as the Indian keeper and young England tyro head up the last fairway. ROW fans are left bemused, however, as Dhoni hits a perfect four iron within three inches of the hole, but then refuses to tap it in, claiming he "wants another go" at his approach shot. Despite incurring a penalty on each occasion, he does this a further three times, leaving Woakes' steady but unspectacular par to win the hole, match and trophy. Following press criticism, Dhoni suggests the European players are just jealous of his snazzy golf bag.
James Marsh writes Pavilion Opinions. He is also a Tefl teacher whose students learn superlatives by being shown Graham Thorpe videos