My Aunt Doris
A distant aunt of mine is a psychic
ESPNcricinfo staff
25-Feb-2013
A distant aunt of mine is a psychic. Well, actually, let me explain further. Up until fairly recently Aunt Doris (stage name “Doris Decker-Spirit Queen”) was viewed by everyone in our family as an affable albeit slightly scary fruitcake.
Imagine my surprise then, when last night during a routine family get together, Doris whips out her Ouija board and proclaims to be communicating with Coverdrivicus the Greek God of cricket. Our entire family (being the cricket nuts we are), put down our chopsticks and paid attention to what is transpiring to be some scarily accurate insights into the future;
Doris’s predictions;
“I see a big red bus. It is surrounded by thousands, no tens of thousands of people. The people are cheering and shouting. On top of the bus there are happy people, very happy people, wait….yes I see them now, they are the Bangladesh cricket team”
“I see men sitting at a big table looking very serious. They are all pointing at one man and calling him bad names. He is a little man with a worried expression but I can’t quite make out his name….Gunter….no…Bunter….no…...Punter…that’s it”
“I see some English people cheering, they are drinking lots of beer and making up some songs, I think I can hear something……ooh that’s not very nice dear, and it certainly doesn’t rhyme with Bangladesh.”
“I see a quaint game of club cricket way out in some little Australian suburb. I don’t recognise any of the players, they are all a little overweight and slightly old. Oh hang on, there’s a player I recognise, it’s that nice young man Damien Martyn, what’s he doing there?”
“I see three sheep…oops, sorry, wrong vision”
“I see an advertisement in the paper, it looks like a job advertisement, is it for a bus driver……no….coach driver…..no…coach, that’s it, Australian cricket coach”
“Oooh this is sad. It looks like someone has passed away. It is a funeral I’m sure. I see everyone dressed in black and they do look very sad. It looks like the person that passed away was a Mr Oz Cricket, strange name indeed. I wonder if that’s bails they’re burning at the wake?”
So Aunt Doris, from all your family, we are sorry for all those years of doubting, name calling and making you eat your dinner in the garage with Spot. It seems that you are indeed, a genuinely talented psychic phenomenon.