Flippin' mad

A buzzer-style quiz What better way to ensure that captains know their cricket? Imagine Dhoni and Smith, fingers on buttons as the match referee looks at a little card and reads out, "So who was the last Indian batsman to score a century at Lord's?" Apart from ensuring the smarter captain gets to call, it also means TV channels get to market a whole new segment. Bishan Bedi, who berated Virender Sehwag for not knowing who Pankaj Roy was, would approve.

Bidding 'Tis the flavour of the season. First it was the TV ad slots, then the players. This method will ensure countries that have painstakingly earned money from the game over the years are justly rewarded. What's the point of having these upstart Associates with no glorious histories - or even their own "best of" cricket shows (the horror!) - getting to call?

The Sreesanth Test Being a captain is all about controlling your players and putting up with egos, whiners, overnight millionaires and... Sreesanth. So as the acid test, before the match, both captains will be left in a room with everybody's favourite Mallu (sorry, dude), where they will be subject to histrionics, dances, multilingual abuse, and if they're lucky, an impersonation of Dale Steyn. The captain who doesn't run out screaming for his mommy gets to choose what he wants to do in the field.

Nom de players A deserving captain is one who knows his team in and out. Not their Twitter handles, their full names. Skippers will thus be encouraged to spend more time with their team-mates, hence building team spirit as well. This is not only fair, but imagine the fun we'll have during Sri Lanka-Holland games.

Arm-wrestling Let's face it. With increasing emphasis being placed on fitness, it's only fair that the closer you resemble Arnie, the better your chances. And don't you want to see Graeme Smith face off against Mashrafe Mortaza?

Catchphrases-R-Us Remember that old British gameshow where you were out if you said either "yes" or "no"? This works on the same principle - except with catchphrases. Imagine Dhoni struggling to complete a sentence without "Well, of course", or in an era gone by, Azhar without "Buttah, the boysah played wellah." The delicious possibility of this being extended to the commentary box might mean less wear on the "Mute" button in coming years.

Fantasy team scores from the last game Remember all those times you won your fantasy league and exclaimed, "Man, I would make a good captain!"? It's the hallmark of a good captain to predict the right combination of players and pay absurd amounts for... oh wait, that's franchise owners, but it's the principle of the thing.

Vox populi Has anyone noticed that the decision to bat or bowl is up to one guy? Whatever happened to democracy? Did anyone ask the players what they want to do? If you have voting by 22 players, it ensures you go with what the majority wants. The only danger, of course, being formation of coalition parties if matches are played in India, but apart from that, it's a rather safe bet.

PlayStation playoffs If you can't beat your opponent in a video game, what are the chances you can beat him on the field? Real men chase down 450 in ODIs using nothing but a control pad.

We hope the innovation cell at the ICC is listening.