Would you go out with the IPL?

The IPL

Age: 4 (but I've developed real quick)
Sex: Not much since the after-parties stopped
Location: India, South Africa and a few undisclosed tax-free locations
Profile: While I don't quite put the fun in profundity, I do bring the action in satisfaction for all those who take a chance on me. I'm hotter than the Kardashian sisters rolled into one, easier than Rebecca Black's lyrics, and as insistent on long-term commitment as Gadaffi is on democracy. Some people think my attitude is as revolting as a butt-jiggling contest but I say to them that if it's Beyonce who's doing the jiggling, it's not so bad, is it?
Hobbies: Attending auctions. Participating in hyperbole contests. Retail therapy.
Turn-ons: People richer than me. Ravi Shastri.
Turn-offs: Anti-trust laws.
Looking for: Cricket virgins. If you've always been curious about the game but been too afraid to ask, I'm the one for you. I'll take you on the ride of your life. It'll be a short one and you may not remember it after we're done but it'll be sweet while it lasts.
Ideal first date: A cheerleading class.
Favourite drink: Tequila shot.
Catchphrase: Wham, bam, thank you ma'am

World Cup

Age: 10 (but I look older).
Sex: Once every four years.
Location: Currently India. But even if I move out my heart will always remain there.
Profile: Let's be brutally honest, ladies. I'm the only one who matters. If I'm around, there's nothing else to look at. Even Shahrukh Khan won't release a movie while I hold court. Rajnikanth came to see me. Only a privileged few get to have me. Tendulkar waited 20 years. People say I'm partial to Australians but that's true only because they do their damndest to please me. Having me is a life-changing experience.
Turn-ons: Trips to the subcontinent. Exclusive clubs.
Turn-offs: Minnows. Caribbean vacations.
Ideal first date: A Sonu Nigam concert.
Favourite drink: Champagne.
Looking for: Someone who can help me get trim but without costing me any money.
Catchphrase: The cup that counts. Up to 10.

Test Championship

Age: Yet to be born.
Sex: The sort that doesn't look exciting but is truly satisfying in the end.
Location: England. But I'm open to moving.
Profile: No one knows it yet but once I come into the picture, the world will be a better place. I might appear confusing at first but at least I'm not designed with the idea of favouring India (like some people). And with me you're guaranteed a proper lunch and tea.
Turn-ons: White clothes, freshly cut grass, red balls.
Turn-offs: Tiny attention spans. People who ask, "When is it going to finish?"
Ideal first date: A walk in Regent's Park.
Favourite drink: Pimm's
Looking for: A deep, meaningful, long-lasting relationship.
Catchphrase: White is right.