The week on Twitter March 21, 2013

'You can't have tea tea'

Rage over erroneously named foods and more in this week's Twitter round-up

Follow too many cricketers on Twitter and you'd be forgiven for thinking that the microblogging site is not a medium that lends itself to discussion of complex issues. Not so. This week we tackle all the important stuff: beverage nomenclature, meteorological ramifications, and bag identification. We also learn a hell of a lot about the preparation and evaluation of foodstuffs.

The tautology
Ravi Bopara's incensed.

"I know what Chai means. It means tea in indian. So what is chai tea? Its either chai or its tea. U can't have tea tea!!"

Why not dip a biscotti biscuit in it and relax a little?

The absolute worst
Shaun Marsh's imagination isn't up to much.

"Nothing worse than a 2 day tooth ache"

So you'll feel a lot better tomorrow when you've still got toothache, will you?

The torrid weather
Have you ever woken up and the weather's been so bad that you couldn't even bring yourself to get out of bed? Alviro Petersen has had that experience.

"Can't get out of bed. Rain falling ever so lightly, and there is a mild wind blowing through the trees... #winteronitswayinjhb"

Those mild winds can cut right through you.

The lively winged mammals
Phil Hughes has been under attack from all angles recently, but Damien Martyn witnessed what sounds like a vicious nocturnal assault on the poor lad.

"Well done Phil Hughes survives bats with energy and was positive ... Ashes locked in"

This is why we have commas.

The recovery position
Tim Bresnan wishes Graeme Swann well, having had elbow surgery recently himself.

"@Swannyg66 hope it went well mate. Enjoy the oxycodone. Oooossshhh Oh and you can borrow Bender from my house if you want. #10daysofhell"

"Bender" is the affectionate name Bresnan gave to the machine that continually bent his arm during his recovery.

The wrong bag
But Graeme Swann's got bigger worries.

"It pays to check which bag is destined for the charity shop and which for the dry cleaners. Especially when your lucky pants are involved."

Blame the oxycodone.

The middle seat
Dale Steyn didn't get a window seat or an aisle seat.

"Owned that middle seat! Dominated both arm rests and even woke me special isle seat to go pee! Twice! Boom, take that 6am flight!"

That's how you sit in a chair and occasionally get up, people.

The chef
Pat Cummins is cooking.

"Making this Pumpkin Soup is near impossible. I can't find a can opener to open the Heinz. MasterChef have it easy, they have heaps of them."

A poor workman always blames his tools.

Life with Kemar Roach
Spare no details, Kemar.

"Gym Time! #Summerbody"

"Time To Get My Day Started!"

"Long Day, Short Night!"

"Good Practise Session! #Shower #Food #Sleep"

It's amazing that we are still learning more about him each week. That fact in itself speaks of a man boasting enormous depth.

The issue of the day
So too Jonny Bairstow, who is in need of answers to some of the bigger questions in life.

"To help solve an argument... What's the best wine gum colour??"

Aesthetically? Or is this a culinary query?

What's your philosophy?
Let's finish with the words of the wisest cricketer of all - Shaun Pollock.

"A mistake we make is 2 answer people too quickly, just giving them something off the top of our head.Give it some thought & get back to them"

As we've seen above, Twitter is very much the home of thorough, patient contemplation. It is there that we can find considered answers to all the burning questions of the day.

Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • Kapil on March 22, 2013, 23:05 GMT

    @KingOwl - I think we Indian fans definitely have a right to comment about Bopara's invention of a language known as "Indian" because the guy is actually commenting about semantics itself when he made that language up. He is complaining that Chai Tea is a misnomer since Chai is just Hindi (not Indian) for tea. If we are supposed to understand that Indian equals Hindi (which btw is completely false considering India has dozens of native languages), then Bopara is supposed to understand that Chai Tea simply means Indian-style tea. If you are going to use wrong semantics to make a semantics joke, then you deserve to be made fun off.

  • Dummy4 on March 22, 2013, 11:37 GMT

    There is some truth in there. Men need only two kitchen tools. A can opener and a (beer) bottle opener; even when they have 3 day tooth aches. Little disappointed there were no Tino Best tweets.

  • Chatty on March 21, 2013, 11:51 GMT

    Well, well, all the Indian fans seem agitated by the presence or absence of the so called Indian language! Come on guys, we all know what he meant. But I do agree with Ravi Bopara - it does sound really dumb when people refer to Chai Tea! I heard this just the other day (coming from a colleague) and I kept mum. But perhaps my expression gave it away. My colleagues asked why I was smirking. I said it was nothing. But I was in fact laughing to myself thinking "chai tea, you #$%% idiot?". But nobody could really read my thoughts and so we are still friends!

  • Harriet on March 21, 2013, 9:10 GMT

    @ TheCentralGovernment

    That made me laugh! Did you pick the username especially or is it an amusing coincidence?

  • Dummy4 on March 21, 2013, 8:45 GMT

    With all due respect towards the so called Indian gene holders who are grown in a Indian Green House elsewhere than India.....There is no language known as 'INDIAN' or even no religion, caste, sub-caste, social group ETCetra ETCetra for that matter. Anyone who claims to be, even remotely associated in some weird ways, of 'Indian Origin', should know this all.

  • Maheshnarayan on March 21, 2013, 7:00 GMT

    Wow, there is a language called "Indian" ? You should have let us Indians know about it - perhaps it will resolve the national language debate rather quickly.

  • Dummy4 on March 21, 2013, 6:48 GMT

    Mr. Bowden, you are a great 'bender' of words, but who makes more money from this blog - you or your lawyer? Appreciate your sense of humor.

  • Circe on March 21, 2013, 6:32 GMT

    I congratulate Ravi Bopara on his earth shattering discovery of this hitherto unknown language called "Indian".

    Seesh! One would hope someone of Indian descent would know that there is no language called "Indian". Cricketers might give pop stars a run for their money in stupidity contests.

  • Sarthak on March 21, 2013, 6:30 GMT

    Steyn escapes the satirists, seen that time and again. Bounce him guys! And Ravi there is no language called Indian!

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