'Any advice on how you get a bat out of the house?'

Many of the world's cricketers have been paying tribute to Zaheer Khan after he retired from international cricket this week.

What's the view of MS Dhoni, one of the men who knew him best and who benefited as much as anyone from Zaheer's skill?

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"Most clever fast bowler I know" - that might possibly be considered a back-handed compliment.

Either way, life moves on. Test cricket moves on as well with the first day-night Test scheduled for next month. As cricketers are wont to do, Jimmy Neesham's already taking the positives.

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But will playing at night risk play being interrupted by non-cricket bats? Cricketers have been afflicted before.

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No idea. Open a window? Open a door? Try and lure it out with a particularly tempting cave?

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You opened a gate?

Oh, wait, not a bat gate, he's branding this incident "Batgate". He's using the suffix that has come to imply that the event in question is some sort of a scandal. Not sure that this really qualifies, but maybe we should let it slide. After all, you start taking issue with Michael Vaughan hashtags and you're committing yourself to a long and unrewarding task. #justsaying

Perhaps drunk on its infamy, the bat later reappeared for a second innings.

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Nor was Vaughan the only cricketer suffering bestial distress this week.

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He means his wife is freaking about the spider somewhere out of shot. That's not her in the pic. It's not a photo of Candy Falzon freaking.

There was a moment of horror for Graeme Swann as well.

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Steve's pretty bad, but this incident seems worse.

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That's right - they were playing golf. It doesn't get much more horrific than that.

Honestly, what kind of a person enjoys golf?

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The kind of person who's basically illiterate.

Step aside Nando's, there's a new delicacy in town.

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Somewhere in the world there is always a cricketer complaining about road travel.

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And more conventionally, some aspect of air travel.

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