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Tricking fate for Tendulkar's sake

This is your chance to speed up the milestone looming over all our heads

Samantha Pendergrast

Comments: 31 | Text size: A | A
Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar share a light moment during practice, Birmingham, August 8, 2011
Rahul Dravid dutifully guffaws when Tendulkar points at a team-mate's unzipped fly © Getty Images
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Players/Officials: Sachin Tendulkar
Series/Tournaments: India tour of England
Teams: India

You know how it won't fail to rain if it's the day you decided not to take the umbrella, wore white pants and suede shoes (which is also a crime against fashion)? It's called tempting Fate, that nasty old lady who wants you to believe that you're not in control, that you're destiny's child (but not the bootylicious one). Generally we'd advise you not to tempt her but these are dire days. Waiting for Tendulkar's 100th hundred has meant too many sleepless nights wondering if our servers can take the surge when he does get it. So let's get it over with in this series. Let's tempt fate into believing we really don't care, or don't think it will ever happen. Make it convincing, okay?

Fans
If you really love him - and if you don't, what are you doing on this site? - would you consider moving to a cricketless, and maybe news-less, country for the next few seasons? We hear North Korea is quite nice in the summer.

You're on Facebook, right? If not, how are you going to "like" this piece? So get on it and post messages about the very unlikely possibility of Tendulkar getting his 100th hundred. Because once it's out there, floating in cyberspace, theoretically possible for 500 million people to see, fate's going to make sure the opposite happens. Give your post a snazzy title, like "Ponting's so gonna get 100 b4 Sachin duz".

Don't buy that dream home you've been saving for. Use the money to place bets against Tendulkar getting to the milestone. Move in with your parents.

BCCI
Not that the Indian board would listen to us, but there are some things it could do too to speed up the process. It could leak documents "revealing" that it wants to drop Tendulkar in order to promote young talent.

Announce a schedule of only Twenty20s for the next two seasons. (It's a scary thought, but then the BCCI might just listen to us here.)

Spread the rumour that the board is considering giving this year's Player of the Year award to Rahul Dravid, to finally give credit where it's due etc.

Media
Publish a front-page article that statistically proves Bradman was greater than Tendulkar ever will be. And while you're at it, junk all pre-written tributes, comments and editorials about the milestone. Tell your advertisers you'll wing it "if" it happens.

Bring all the reporters covering the England-India series back home because of the "foregone" conclusion.

Write a piece full of contrived humour about how you can get Tendulkar his hundred.

Tendulkar's team-mates
To make sure our efforts don't go waste, his team-mates need to look after him.

Don't injure him during practice, sneeze into his food (unless he's exceptionally rude to you), keep him up late at night asking him how to play the short ball (geniuses can't explain their techniques) or irritate him with Facebook friend requests.

Don't mention the hundred in front of him, but also don't pretend like there is no elephant in the room. Acknowledge the elephant from time to time with a clever joke.

Also, do laugh at his jokes, listen in wide-eyed wonderment when he reminisces (even when the stories stray towards the apocryphal), and agree vehemently if he says the spirit of cricket is more important than winning a match.

And most importantly, don't run him out.

Tell us what you think. Send us your feedback

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Comments: 31 
Posted by   on (August 15, 2011, 15:30 GMT)

good or bad ...... selfish or selfless ... overrated or apt-rated.... myth or normal.... pressure or no-pressure...... useful or useless.... Sachin remains soul of cricket ..most discussed... he did it..he has been doing it...and he will keep doing it .... even a critic who ruthlessly says that he i9s useless.. will know after he goes... that there is a large bit of void formed... and Indians believe that sachin is useless ...as if each and every single person in the country is worth more than him... a Drawback of being a Great..... respect Sachin for pointing India in world map...atleast in sports if not socially ....atleast in cricket if not in sports ... he made us proud to be an Indian .....

Posted by   on (August 13, 2011, 12:03 GMT)

"And most importantly, don't run him out." JINXED

Posted by   on (August 13, 2011, 9:34 GMT)

He has been playing from past 2 decades and handling pressure is not new for him. Asking team to pretend and safeguard will not work. Infact by asking our people to go soft on him, we are giving message to all other teams that he is vulnerable and they will take advantage. Moreover, he himself know where he is standing. Even if you keep him in closed doors, you cannot control his mind. Better to let him play his natural game. The only way to help him is for the openers to give good start which will help him play freely. By looking at last two years of his cricket, I strongly feel that once he hit 100th 100, it will be very difficult to stop him. He may start chasing every bowler and opportunity he gets from here on... And the time will come when it has to... no point in everyone pushing for it.... No one expected him to hit 200* and he gave a surprise to everyone... something like that will happen soon...

Posted by   on (August 13, 2011, 6:34 GMT)

sachin always rocks only.............. no one can speak abt sachin wrongly

Posted by harshacc on (August 13, 2011, 5:19 GMT)

I admire Sachin but India would not have been the team they were in the last two decades if it was not for RD,VVS,SCG and those two unsung heroes Javagal Srinath and Anil Kumble.Lara for my money will always be miles ahead of SRT.He could bat with No 9,10,11 to save test matches.

Posted by swarzi on (August 13, 2011, 4:43 GMT)

Freddykurian, you are super at wishful thinking. It is quite true that Sachin has achieved a lot, but whenever the records are properly "spread out" in the manner that Ananth does, you see quite clearly that so many others are ahead of him. The one or two players who are putting him above players whom they know are better than him have their own agendas to settle. Alistair Cook whom they predict to go past him in test centuries scored '294' today - TENDULKAR SEEM NOT TO BE ABLE TO SCORE A 250 WITHIN THE TIME USUALLY ALLOTED TO HIM - NOT EVEN IN A FIRST CLASS MATCH! Regular massive scores of 250 and beyond are some of the ingredients of a genuinely great batsman; because they dominante the scene when they are at centre stage! There would always be questions about those players who are being touted to being SO GREAT, YET THEY HAVE 'NO RECORD TO SHOW THAT THEY HAD BEEN THE DOMINANT BATSMAN IN ANY SERIES - THEY PLAY FOR ALL THEIR LIVES WITHOUT CREATING ANY FEAR FOR ANY BOWLER'.

Posted by rraheel on (August 13, 2011, 4:27 GMT)

@ reality_check Sachin's average in Australia 59, england 58, srilanka 68, s.africa 47, n.zealand 50. Sachin have 99 hundreds & 57 hundreds are outside india.Sachin have 20 hundreds against australia, 17 vs srilanka, 9 vs england,12 vs s.africa, , 7 vs pakistan, 9 vs n.zealand, 7 vs w.i. So he has proved himself in every part of the world. Learn to respect the legend.

Posted by worldchampionsx3 on (August 13, 2011, 0:12 GMT)

For all the sachin critics here's something to consider. A standing ovation from every stadium he goes, especially the Lords . Many great batsmen, bowlers and critics have already made him the greatest batsmen of his time. Why dont you all just take a look at cricinfo's tribute http://www.espncricinfo.com/sachin/content/site/. His form might be declining, and he might be near the end of his career. But this does not take away from all his achievements. And if he were to retire, every true cricket fan will miss him, and will wish they had seen sachin's action one more time. And as for comparing him with others, sorry folks his only competition is the don himself.

Posted by Hurricane08 on (August 12, 2011, 22:18 GMT)

Indians rarely retire gracefully. Currently there seems to be a contest between Dravid and Tendulkar as to who will continue to play till their last breath. Tendulkar will get his 100th 100 somewhere on a flat track in Faislabad or Kandy, but even after that he will try to stick around, because not many have the courage to drop him for non-performance.

Posted by MasterfulStars on (August 12, 2011, 22:07 GMT)

Its really funny to read such articles on sachin... How many times the media and the mediocre cricket followers tell something bad about sachin again and again only to see him come back with bang.. he has proved again and again... all those who talk at his back.. please see his record over the last few years...... Yes. This series he played badly.....But just dont repeat sachin never performed... i saw some comment stating he never scored in WC finals and semis... whenever india reached WC semis, he scored half century... mind your words and see the records before you guys talk abt Sachin.. No matter what you guys say, sachin will stand as the Best Batsman of his era...

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