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This, that and the other. Mostly the other
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50 Magic Moments : Boycott b Holding
Audio/Video: The fastest, and then some
Matches: West Indies v England at Bridgetown
Stuart: Michael Holding to open the bowling. Geoffrey Boycott to take strike.
Ash: Holding looks like he means business, Stu.
Stuart: Well, the crowd will be hoping he doesn't inflict any damage this over. They're here to see the great Geoffrey Boycott bat.
Ash: Er, I'm not sure they are, Stu.
Stuart: Boycott rapped on the knuckles there by a fearsome delivery. He survives, much to the crowd's relief.
Ash: I really don't think they're here to watch Boycott, Stu.
Stuart: Of course they are. Don't be ridiculous. They've paid good money to see some straight-batted excellence.
Ash: We're in Bridgetown, Stu.
Stuart: They're discerning people here in Bridgetown, Ash. They know the value of a good, solid forward defensive. And that's beaten Boycott. Boycott beaten outside off.
Ash: Listen to them. They're roaring every delivery.
Stuart: They're encouraging Geoffrey.
Ash: They're baying for blood.
Stuart: Holding through Boycott's defences. Looks like that's caught him on the thigh.
Ash: It's a wave of noise. That's not the noise you make when you're encouraging a batsman.
Stuart: Yes, it is.
Ash: No, it isn't. It doesn't sound like this when Boycott's batting at Headingley. Why would he get more support here in Barbados?
Stuart: Boycott fends that one off. He's having a torrid time. We can only hope he rides it out.
Ash: Why, Stu? Why would he get more support here in Barbados?
Stuart: To answer your question, Ash. Boycott is being given a warmer reception here in the Caribbean because they only get to see him occasionally. They're more appreciative.
Ash: That's demented.
Stuart: No, it isn't. Remember how you felt during the 1979 Lord's Test when there was no battenburg for the first four days?
Ash: I felt hungry.
Stuart: And what did you do when the battenburg arrived on day five?
Stuart: Go on. What did you do?
Ash: I… I roared.
Stuart: You did. You roared. You roared your appreciation.
Ash: I love marzipan.
Stuart: And the people of Barbados love Geoffrey Boycott. Boycott defends that one as well. Great reactions. That was a lightning-quick delivery.
Ash: I just think that when you're in the West Indies and the West Indies are playing and the ground's full of West Indians, they're probably supporting the West Indies.
Stuart: You leap to conclusions sometimes.
Ash: Isn't the most obvious explanation often correct?
Stuart: But it's impossible, and as Sherlock Holmes once said: "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
Ash: Why is it impossible?
Stuart: Because no one - no one! - no man on earth could possibly fail to appreciate the extraordinary and spellbinding batting of England's Geoffrey Boycott.
Ash: What are they cheering now then, Stu?
Ash: They're cheering Geoffrey Boycott's off stump as it careers towards the boundary boards, aren't they, Stu?
Stuart: It was, er… It was a brilliant delivery from Holding. As good as you'll see. And… Er…
Ash: The crowd are definitely louder now, Stu. They're definitely louder. Maybe they're admiring Boycott's walking-to-the-pavilion technique.
Stuart: They know greatness when they see it. Boycott did well to defend two of his stumps there. Few players would have managed that against the bowling we've just seen.
Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket.
All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?
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