The Index
Moonlighting
They play cricket, but their true callings are elsewhere. Our alternative-employment XI has the details
Andrew Hughes
13-May-2009
Rahul Dravid
Growing up in a small Welsh village, the young Dravid was known as "Rahul the Wall" for his skills with bricks and mortar. Sadly his time as a brickie was cut short when he was selected to represent India.
Growing up in a small Welsh village, the young Dravid was known as "Rahul the Wall" for his skills with bricks and mortar. Sadly his time as a brickie was cut short when he was selected to represent India.
Jacques Kallis
Those watching the IPL may have noticed the corpulent Kallis fielding at point and diving over the ball in the manner of one of the larger primates slipping on a banana skin. That is no coincidence, since in the off-season he dons a hairy suit and works as a Gorillagram for the Jonty Rhodes Party Agency.
Those watching the IPL may have noticed the corpulent Kallis fielding at point and diving over the ball in the manner of one of the larger primates slipping on a banana skin. That is no coincidence, since in the off-season he dons a hairy suit and works as a Gorillagram for the Jonty Rhodes Party Agency.
Kevin Pietersen
KP makes batting looks easy, but in fact every single plie, petit jete and pirouette is carefully choreographed. Renowned for his media skills, it is less well known that the former England captain once studied at the Natal Academy of Dance and is a prima ballerina of some distinction.
Full postKP makes batting looks easy, but in fact every single plie, petit jete and pirouette is carefully choreographed. Renowned for his media skills, it is less well known that the former England captain once studied at the Natal Academy of Dance and is a prima ballerina of some distinction.
Bling when you're winning
Ten must-have accessories for an age when players need to wear shades because their jewellery is so shiny
Reggie Hartman-Goodin
12-May-2009
The shoulder-length bandana
…Is visible to the world when Chris "Cool Cat" Gayle bats. He is out to plunder runs and the bandana aptly gives him a pirate look. It is superfluous, though, just like Gayle's footwork: his ample dreadlocks keep the sweat out of his eyes anyway.
…Is visible to the world when Chris "Cool Cat" Gayle bats. He is out to plunder runs and the bandana aptly gives him a pirate look. It is superfluous, though, just like Gayle's footwork: his ample dreadlocks keep the sweat out of his eyes anyway.
The sunglasses
Since Ramesh Powar has let us all down by not wearing his delightfully red ones, his Kings XI Punjab team-mate Piyush Chawla has stepped in. Exclusive to Sony Max's viewers, the cunning Chawla is seen wearing them only in the headshot that appears on screen when he comes to bat. Cover 67% of the face area, reflect all evil eyes right back, luridly coloured - they have everything going for them. However, during a recent day game, Powar forced this one into a tie, by wearing the Hideous Big Blue ones.
Since Ramesh Powar has let us all down by not wearing his delightfully red ones, his Kings XI Punjab team-mate Piyush Chawla has stepped in. Exclusive to Sony Max's viewers, the cunning Chawla is seen wearing them only in the headshot that appears on screen when he comes to bat. Cover 67% of the face area, reflect all evil eyes right back, luridly coloured - they have everything going for them. However, during a recent day game, Powar forced this one into a tie, by wearing the Hideous Big Blue ones.
The earrings
Among the many contenders for this one, Dimi Mascarenhas wins hands down. Just because his are shiny and adorn both ears. Also-rans: Dwayne Smith, Kevin Pietersen, Fidel Edwards, Dwayne Bravo, Ramesh Powar and Virat Kohli, but their rings don't bling like Dimi's do.
Full postAmong the many contenders for this one, Dimi Mascarenhas wins hands down. Just because his are shiny and adorn both ears. Also-rans: Dwayne Smith, Kevin Pietersen, Fidel Edwards, Dwayne Bravo, Ramesh Powar and Virat Kohli, but their rings don't bling like Dimi's do.
Plug and play
Ten things commentators will be shafted for shilling next year
S Ingle
10-May-2009
1. "That was a Tide of a dive by Gibbs at gully. Boy, those clothes will need a Tide wash."
2. "The umpire has just declared that a Dunlop Spectrawide. Tough call, if you ask me. It didn't look all that Dunlop Spectrawide from here."
3. "Another Levis Skinny Leg-bye is added to the total. Great Levis Skinny Leg running between the wickets by the batsmen."
Full postDescartes, Hegel, Harbhajan
Ten of the most influential thinkers in the modern game. And Andrew Symonds
Andrew Hughes
06-May-2009
Virender Sehwag
Teaches us that the external world is illusory and that pitches, bowlers and cricket matches do not exist. The essence of Sehwagism is simple. If it moves, hit it. If it doesn't move, hit it. If you can't quite see what it is, hit it.
Teaches us that the external world is illusory and that pitches, bowlers and cricket matches do not exist. The essence of Sehwagism is simple. If it moves, hit it. If it doesn't move, hit it. If you can't quite see what it is, hit it.
Chris Gayle
Siddhartha Gautama once resolved to sit at the foot of the Bodhi tree and not move until he had found Truth. Centuries later, the West Indies captain seeks to emulate the Buddha's search for enlightenment by standing completely motionless for hours at a time.
Siddhartha Gautama once resolved to sit at the foot of the Bodhi tree and not move until he had found Truth. Centuries later, the West Indies captain seeks to emulate the Buddha's search for enlightenment by standing completely motionless for hours at a time.
Kevin Pietersen
A devotee of Freud's theory of the Super Ego, he has added much to the school of Existentialism, with his poignant writings on the loneliness of the million-dollar sportsman and his habit of referring to himself in the third person.
Full postA devotee of Freud's theory of the Super Ego, he has added much to the school of Existentialism, with his poignant writings on the loneliness of the million-dollar sportsman and his habit of referring to himself in the third person.
Down with royalty, celebrity, and single captaincy
Nine things we love to hate about the IPL
Judhajit Basu
03-May-2009
1. Celebrities who keep their sunglasses on all through day-night matches
Okay, we've all heard of the media glare, but the fashion statement is okay for the first half of the match. Surely you're joking, Ms Zinta and Mr Mallya, when you say the floodlights need to be dimmer?
Okay, we've all heard of the media glare, but the fashion statement is okay for the first half of the match. Surely you're joking, Ms Zinta and Mr Mallya, when you say the floodlights need to be dimmer?
2. Charu Sharma for not joining the ICL and bad-mouthing Royal Bangalore Challengers
The picture of restraint and good behaviour. Frankly, it's disgusting.
The picture of restraint and good behaviour. Frankly, it's disgusting.
3. That, as is the norm with KKR fans now, we may all end up referring to teams as CSK, DD, RR, DC, BRC, MI and wait for it... KXIP
Also, that the use of "SRK" may set a precedent for PZ, VM, SS and MA in the future - figure those out yourselves.
Full postAlso, that the use of "SRK" may set a precedent for PZ, VM, SS and MA in the future - figure those out yourselves.
Warm that bench, lads
Ten things Collingwood and Shah could do, since they don't look likely to play a game anytime soon
Andrew Hughes
30-Apr-2009
1. Stand-in Chess Pieces
Every Sunday during the IPL, Lalit Modi will be entertaining guests with a game of living chess on the manicured lawn of his palatial Cape Town villa. Spare pawns are always useful, should any of the regular pawns cry off.
Every Sunday during the IPL, Lalit Modi will be entertaining guests with a game of living chess on the manicured lawn of his palatial Cape Town villa. Spare pawns are always useful, should any of the regular pawns cry off.
2. Trophy-Integrity Monitors
Equipped with feather dusters and a range of cleaning products, the dynamic duo could keep their eye in by swatting away specks of dust that threaten to settle on the IPL Trophy.
Equipped with feather dusters and a range of cleaning products, the dynamic duo could keep their eye in by swatting away specks of dust that threaten to settle on the IPL Trophy.
3. Reserve Cheerleaders
For when the first team girls need a break. Pretty much what they've already been doing, but with fewer clothes.
Full postSharp nicks
We salute XI players whose handles go a bit beyond the addition of a "y" to their names. Warning: Aussie-heavy
S Aga
29-Apr-2009
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Ronnie (Andrew McDonald)
Has the surname and the hair to pass for a clown who hawks product for an certain American fast food giant. And when he's drunk, he probably has a shiny red nose as well.
Has the surname and the hair to pass for a clown who hawks product for an certain American fast food giant. And when he's drunk, he probably has a shiny red nose as well.
Castro (Fidel Edwards)
His lush beard, revolutionary Marxist speeches in the dressing room, and habit of smoking fine Cuban cigars while fielding at fine leg evidently earned Edwards this fine monicker.
His lush beard, revolutionary Marxist speeches in the dressing room, and habit of smoking fine Cuban cigars while fielding at fine leg evidently earned Edwards this fine monicker.
Andy G (Nathan Bracken)
Because he looks (a tiny bit) like a more aquiline, less bearded, blond version of Australian Idol host Andrew Gunsberg. What do you mean that's not reason enough?
Full postBecause he looks (a tiny bit) like a more aquiline, less bearded, blond version of Australian Idol host Andrew Gunsberg. What do you mean that's not reason enough?
Let's take a moment (or 75)
Inspired by the strategy time-out, 11 other breaks that cricket can work into games
Suresh Menon
24-Apr-2009
The strategy break, or tactical time-out (where the batting team says, "We must score more runs faster; a couple of sixes will help" and the bowling team says, "We must cut down the runs and take a couple of wickets") is not the only surprise the IPL has in store. We know the million-dollar advertising rate for a two-and-a-half minute slot during the strategy break is pure coincidence. Some of the following breaks have been lined up for the rest of the matches. Some may already be in force.
1. The Dog-Running-Onto-The-Ground Break
After some six overs of the first game, the first dog - second only to rain as cricket's constant companion - arrived. The advertisements during the ensuing break apparently took care of the salaries of half the Chennai team.
After some six overs of the first game, the first dog - second only to rain as cricket's constant companion - arrived. The advertisements during the ensuing break apparently took care of the salaries of half the Chennai team.
2. The Injury-Break Break
One player is nominated during each match to fake an injury. The cameras then move away from the action, and television viewers are treated to a whole cycle of advertisements. The time is not important, timing is.
Full postOne player is nominated during each match to fake an injury. The cameras then move away from the action, and television viewers are treated to a whole cycle of advertisements. The time is not important, timing is.
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