If I tell everyone what it is, then they (CSK) won't buy me at the auctions. It's a trade secret. Dhoni tight-lipped on the secret behind CSK qualifying for the playoffs at will.

I won't count it as a bad performance. It was so bad that I can't count it as a performance.
MS Dhoni usually didn't mince his words after a poor display.

You can convert 1.8 runs or 1.9 runs into twos, but not 1.75 or 1.7.
Some calculations from one of the best runners between wickets for when an outfield has dew.

Personally I feel I use a bit too much of my brain in this format.
Has anyone summed up the Twenty20 format better?

That's why you should watch the game. What went wrong you would have realised.
There were times when journalists were at the receiving end of his one-liners.

Another 20 days and you can apply for citizenship.
The feeling after India's long tour of Australia in 2014-15.

It's like having 100kg put over you. After that even if you put a mountain, it will not make a difference.
What's pressure? A matter of a few extra kilos.

Whenever we have played with four fast bowlers, two things happen. One the captain gets banned, two we lose.
He often got straight to the point when discussing tactics.

They actually feel it will be better off to put a bowling machine there.
When his bowlers didn't like the new ODI rules introduced in 2013.

God is not coming to save us.
The words of wisdom in the huddle before India's successful defence of a below-par total in the 2013 Champions Trophy final.

At the moment, we are not even using one, where will we bowl two?
The time he felt helpless when two-bouncer-an-over rule was introduced in ODIs, given how India's fast bowlers were either injured or out of form.

Frankly, I am quite bad at analysing technique; you have seen my technique.
But will we see him as an expert on the telly?

We will be busy shopping. That's something we can afford to do. There is nothing really in our hands.
What to do when your team's fate lies in the hands of a match played by others.

From Kishore Kumar, we have gone to Sean Paul.
Dhoni had to adapt to the old and the young during his stint as captain.

You die, you die. You don't see which is the better way to die.
His wit didn't desert him during back-to-back whitewashes in England and Australia.

I don't mind repeating everything.
After he led India to the 2011 World Cup. A lot of Dhoni fans wouldn't mind hearing those words now.

The only person who can control Sreesanth is Sreesanth. It is beyond my control and I don't think too much about.
Man-management MS Dhoni style.

Till the full stop doesn't come the sentence is not complete.
The time when he got metaphorical ahead of the 2011 World Cup final.

One other guy won't play.
It's not easy remembering your XI, especially when it's the first game of a World Cup campaign.

The only thing that went well for us was the warm-up before the game.
The positives from a bad game.

Frankly speaking I don't understand Duckworth-Lewis. I just wait for the umpire's decision.
He is like the rest of us.

What happens inside a meeting, where the selectors, the captain and the coaches are there, when it comes out, it is disgusting and disrespectful.
The time when he got upset when discussions of the selection meeting were leaked to the media.

If you are not 100 per cent fit and not at your best [and still play], it's cheating.
When he made his stance on fitness clear after sitting out a Test series in Sri Lanka, in 2008.

When you've played international cricket, you realise you never play 100 percent. When his stance on fitness evolved in a 2019 IPL match.

I'll just ask Mahela if he will lend Mendis for a couple of practice sessions.
That was a plan.

You [media people] change my girlfriends every two days. Please let one continue for some time.
The days when Indian media loved speculating about all things Dhoni.

We are told that Mumbai is a city which is always on the move. See, me and my boys have brought the entire city to a standstill today.
His reaction after crowds thronged to welcome the team at a parade following the World T20 win.

Before I start I should say I read an article by you in Cricinfo. You'd said Australia were the favourites. Today I think me and the boys, we proved you wrong.
Speaking to Ravi Shastri after India's victory over Australia in the semi-finals of the 2007 World Twenty20, MS Dhoni had revealed that he read our site.

Now even PETA has said you can't cosmetically remove the tail.
A woke answer from a woke captain - after many questions about India's lower-order batting.

You may put hybrid fuel in the car but the cylinder, the engine, everything, needs to be like that.
On whether India needs a fielding coach.

I love to go back to Ranchi. I have three dogs at home. Even after losing a series or winning a series, they treat me the same way.
On the break from being India's captain and under constant scrutiny.

In countries like Australia or England, people speak English in such an accent that it is very hard to understand. So, at parties when locals come to us and start talking, even if we are not getting anything, we say 'yeah'. Or if I have a drink in hand, I excuse myself by saying, 'I'll just get a drink' but never show up in front of that person again
Early tours with the Indian team were challenging on many fronts.

From 1929 hrs consider me as retired
Finally, Dhoni using his first Instagram post in six months to announce retirement in a way only he could