'My performances reflect why I've had a stop-start career'
Opener Shan Masood blames his inconsistent batting for the spells he has spent out of the Pakistan team

"I am working on learning to cut, trying to play with soft hands, rotating the strike" • Getty Images
I don't think I am satisfied with what I have achieved so far. My career has been stop-start, but I can make as many excuses as I like. A good player fights and gets out of adverse circumstances. Fine, I never got more than two Tests at a stretch, but it was up to me the way I got the start. I feel there were small mistakes I could have mended. That 40 I got against New Zealand could have been a fifty. The 75 against South Africa could have been converted into a century - a hundred on debut would have been a different story. At Old Trafford I was feeling my best and was unbeaten at 30. The next morning started well with two boundaries, but then I played a loose shot.
I don't want to make excuses. My performances are the true reflection of why I have had an inconsistent selection. That Pallekele Test I was playing after a gap of seven months, and it went well only because I had toured Sri Lanka with the A team before the national team went there. Even when I got only 13 in the first innings, I felt good. And then in the second innings, I got a chance to rectify my mistakes and it went well.
It's not like if you are educated then you are automatically intelligent. In my upbringing, I was taught to treat people on merit. My family achieved everything starting off as a middle-class family.
People do say things like I am in the national team because of my influential background, but it's not true. I never asked for shortcut and neither did my family. My path, if you follow it, started from youth cricket to now. I never got a head start through a jump. If I have strong backing, why have I been dropped and why has my career been so stop-start?
It discouraged me at the start of my career, but I have to shut these things out and focus on my cricket. When I look back, I see I worked hard to make it to the top. It's painful to be called "sifarshi" [one who comes with a bureaucratic recommendation] because it's not right. I should be judged on my cricket and as a cricketer.
I was playing Anderson just as a bowler who is the No. 1 bowler in the world. Like Dale Steyn troubled Mohammad Hafeez, Josh Hazlewood had Hashim Amla, Anderson had the world's best batsmen in Virat Kohli and Sachin Tendulkar. You have to accept it and move on. If you look closely at the modes of dismissal, you can easily say that some of them actually went in favour of Anderson, especially in the UAE.
For me, Misbah was an exemplary role model. But I would say that the Anderson thing wouldn't be fixed by dropping me. There was one solution: that I go back and score runs and do not get out against Anderson. I respect that Misbah bhai said that my career was to be protected because I was very young, but I had set my heart on playing the Birmingham Test because I was not defeated inside and I wanted to score.
If you look at the evolution of my career, I was very limited. I had two or three strokes, which actually helped because your discipline is good that way. That is what I learnt in England. But when I came to Pakistan, I had to increase my range to stay relevant in domestic cricket. I tried to score fast and went extreme with that. There were innings where I scored 97 off 99 balls in a four-day match. I pushed myself hard to remodel my game, but then I realised that it has to be a slow process and that I have to find a middle ground. So now I have not only enhanced my range of shots but have also become more productive. You have to be selective and mark your best scoring areas. I have finally found a mode where I feel comfortable. It might not be English anymore, but there are components I extracted from there, like discipline.
I took a significant step last year and started scoring runs in the one-day format as well. To break a perception, I need to be doing something extraordinary. This tag will fade away when I have runs under my belt. I believe I can do it, otherwise I couldn't be playing the format. What I am looking at is how I can be a better cricketer. Things will happen on their own when I start scoring runs.
I don't think I am talented. In fact, I don't believe in the word talent. All the sportsmen I have followed in my career, I see no substitute for hard work. I grew up watching players like Younis Khan and Misbah-ul-Haq, who are the best examples of those who made themselves purely through hard work.
Umar Farooq is ESPNcricinfo's Pakistan correspondent