'When did someone transport the Nagpur wicket to Lord's?'

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That was after the first Test, but wise England fans didn't commit to an answer.

This was wise, because despite excellent preparations…

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… the second Test started badly.

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Then it got worse.

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And then it got worse still.

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The excitement was all too much for Shane Warne, who developed some sort of eating disorder.

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So in answer to Saqlain Mushtaq's question, what do we think of England's performance so far this Ashes? They need to channel Kirk Edwards and show more positive energy.

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England's deterioration in fortunes came at least partly thanks to Australia's coven of Mitches.

Three fast bowlers, all called Mitch?

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Jimmy Neesham's least favourite Mitch moment was as follows.

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Neesham was asked whether that was innuendo. Disappointingly, he didn't answer: "In YOUR endo."

Maybe he hadn't yet had his morning coffee.

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Nor did his week improve.

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Meanwhile, over in the Caribbean, it's all pretty much business as usual.

Chris Gayle has gone from referring to himself in the third person to addressing himself as if he's a completely different person.

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While it's all go in Kemar Roach's world.

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Anything else?

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Whatever next?

Somewhere in the world, there is always a cricketer complaining about air travel.

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But there are signs of change. Some are adopting more of a "glass half full" attitude.

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