October 23, 2010

A beast called Ricky

Mr Ponting is losing touch with his animal instincts, apparently
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Wednesday, 20th October Shane Warne, in his attempt to break the world record for pre-Ashes sound bites, has today found a new angle by offering us a zoological perspective on the merits of the current Australian captain:

“I think Ricky is at his best when he shows his Tassie devil side, which is aggressive, with a dash of flair.”

It transpires that Warne was referring to the Tasmanian Devil or Sarcophilus harrisii, a carnivore of the family Dasyuridae. Wikipedia has this to say about the apparently Ponting-like marsupial:

“It is characterised by its stocky and muscular build, black fur, extremely loud and disturbing screech, pungent odour and ferocity when feeding.”

It seems a bit harsh at first glance, but then again I’ve never seen Ricky eat a meat pie, or indeed stood close enough to him to offer an informed opinion on the pungency of his odour. Still, he might be forgiven for thinking that this is not perhaps the most felicitous of supportive pre-Ashes mammalian comparisons, particularly given that the Tasmanian Devil was declared an endangered species in 2009.

Thursday, 21st October Under intense pressure to do something about the bloated county fixture list, the ECB structure group have made their long-awaited recommendations. In a bold move, they have proposed an initial period of inaction, followed by inactivity in the medium term, leading to further inertia going forwards. They have tentatively suggested the possibility that something might be done in 2012, but have sensibly not committed themselves as to what that something might be.

As they explained, change cannot be rushed into without a proper review, and given that county cricket has only been running for 150 years, it would be far too risky to draw precipitate conclusions. They were able to report, however, that they have taken action in one crucial area. It was proposed that the tea served at future committee meetings should be Darjeeling rather than Earl Grey. A working party was appointed and is expected to report on the matter by 2015 or possibly later.

Friday, 22nd October In another triumph for the “names in a hat” method of captaincy selection, the WICB has chosen Darren Sammy to be the team’s next skipper, on the grounds that a) he wants to do the job, and b) he isn’t as good as the last chap so they won’t have to pay him so much. He is taking on the task with the touching naivete of over-promoted captains of dysfunctional teams everywhere, promising that he will be both bold and frank and referring to himself in the third person:

“That’s what Darren Sammy wants to do. Bring back the joy.”

However, the WICB were quick to issue a statement today reprimanding the new boy for his unguarded comments:

“We wish to make it clear that, as stipulated in his captaincy contract at Paragraph 127, subsection 17a, boldness and frankness are prohibited behaviours. We will also be monitoring levels of joy in Caribbean cricket, to ensure that they remain within acceptable levels, and would remind Mr Sammy that his remit does not extend beyond his core responsibilities, namely: taking the blame, doing what he is told and standing at second slip with his arms folded.’

Andrew Hughes is a writer currently based in England

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • TheAbacus on October 27, 2010, 0:12 GMT

    'Nipples' are censored on this blog? I am surprised at your prudence Andrew! :D

  • Srikanth on October 25, 2010, 6:07 GMT

    Andrew - a few days back you made a Ricky Ponting doll - now you make him out to be an animal - DOLL or ANIMAL - decide what Ricky is - to me he is a very good batsman - neither doll nor animal nor an object of ridicule....

  • Salil Khetani on October 25, 2010, 2:44 GMT

    nice - especially the ecb part!

  • Timir on October 24, 2010, 14:47 GMT

    I have been following your blogs regularly for quite some time, Andrew. Really like your one-liners and analogies. I myself have always compared Ricky Ponting to the Tasmanian devil. I think your posts were funnier earlier when you did not follow this Date-wise format. I think you should go back to your earlier style. Carry on the good work, mate. Regards.

  • Greg on October 24, 2010, 12:15 GMT

    What about his deputy rat called Clarke?

  • Manoj N on October 24, 2010, 11:32 GMT

    i totally love your column.. keep it going andy!!!

  • frocktail on October 24, 2010, 8:39 GMT

    This nonsense about WICB treating its players like boys are utter rubish coming from WIPA. WIPA under Ramnarine has no place in WI cricket. Stand firm WICB. The cricketers are the employees. You are incharge. The selectors are doing a magnificent job. The cricketers who feel that they are bigger than the game should continue to follow WIPA and see how far they will get.

  • jagdish on October 24, 2010, 7:54 GMT

    The article "A beast called Ricky" is extremely funny.Comparison of ricky ponting to the tasmanian beast which actually looks like a racoon.

  • pandu on October 24, 2010, 6:36 GMT

    Andrew, great writing mate, hilarious as usual. For those that don't find it funny, just move on instead of criticising what you don't understand.

  • tim on October 24, 2010, 4:29 GMT

    I don't think the WICB had any other option this time. Would you rather they choose someone who turned down a contract?

  • TheAbacus on October 27, 2010, 0:12 GMT

    'Nipples' are censored on this blog? I am surprised at your prudence Andrew! :D

  • Srikanth on October 25, 2010, 6:07 GMT

    Andrew - a few days back you made a Ricky Ponting doll - now you make him out to be an animal - DOLL or ANIMAL - decide what Ricky is - to me he is a very good batsman - neither doll nor animal nor an object of ridicule....

  • Salil Khetani on October 25, 2010, 2:44 GMT

    nice - especially the ecb part!

  • Timir on October 24, 2010, 14:47 GMT

    I have been following your blogs regularly for quite some time, Andrew. Really like your one-liners and analogies. I myself have always compared Ricky Ponting to the Tasmanian devil. I think your posts were funnier earlier when you did not follow this Date-wise format. I think you should go back to your earlier style. Carry on the good work, mate. Regards.

  • Greg on October 24, 2010, 12:15 GMT

    What about his deputy rat called Clarke?

  • Manoj N on October 24, 2010, 11:32 GMT

    i totally love your column.. keep it going andy!!!

  • frocktail on October 24, 2010, 8:39 GMT

    This nonsense about WICB treating its players like boys are utter rubish coming from WIPA. WIPA under Ramnarine has no place in WI cricket. Stand firm WICB. The cricketers are the employees. You are incharge. The selectors are doing a magnificent job. The cricketers who feel that they are bigger than the game should continue to follow WIPA and see how far they will get.

  • jagdish on October 24, 2010, 7:54 GMT

    The article "A beast called Ricky" is extremely funny.Comparison of ricky ponting to the tasmanian beast which actually looks like a racoon.

  • pandu on October 24, 2010, 6:36 GMT

    Andrew, great writing mate, hilarious as usual. For those that don't find it funny, just move on instead of criticising what you don't understand.

  • tim on October 24, 2010, 4:29 GMT

    I don't think the WICB had any other option this time. Would you rather they choose someone who turned down a contract?

  • PT - the Axis on October 23, 2010, 23:01 GMT

    those not getting the humour in this are surely not aware of the creature called the 'tasmanian devil' or are aussies ... i had made that corelation with ponting long ago and now andrew has caught onto it too. if one notices carefully aussie team has characteristics of the all the animals in oz - wallabe, redbacks, kangaroos, & especially crocs ... patiently lying in wait all day to finally grab the prey ... no wonder they never miss catches & don't get bored standing around in the field

  • j bannn on October 23, 2010, 21:55 GMT

    Andrew,my friend you try too hard :)

  • Hussie on October 23, 2010, 21:33 GMT

    One day WI cricket will bounce back and all those laughing now will be hoping for the days when we were weak. When WI dominated cricket during they hey days all u same folks were still critics, about bowler itimidation, slugging etec etc.

  • Hari on October 23, 2010, 20:51 GMT

    Was this supposed to be funny? You would be better at obituaries.

  • TheAbacus on October 23, 2010, 19:27 GMT

    And btw.. make up your mind whether the Tasmanian Devil is a mammal or a marsupial. Ponting is the former (yes, I noticed this fact myself when I saw him play on a cold morning at Lord's.)

  • Fifthman on October 23, 2010, 17:56 GMT

    Another thin-skinned Aussie who thinks the world revolves around Oz (the tersely-named 'a', if you're wondering). In case you hadn't noticed Andrew is also ripping the piss out of England (the ECB) and West Indies (the WICB).

    I think it's you who should be getting a life or getting out more...

  • jack on October 23, 2010, 17:19 GMT

    It is a waste of time anyone thinking of what the WICB has to say. if we are looking at cricket development and improving our test performance, we must look principally at those responsible for recommending players and captains. Let's look at the chairman of selectors, he cannot could command respect in his playing days, he is at sea to proper team selection in the WI and he and the WICB must remember that the cricketers in the WI are not children, but adults who must be respected.

  • Srikanth on October 23, 2010, 14:12 GMT

    As an attempt at humour this falls woefully short. The last article was much better. And this format of writing date wise crap is boring. Andrew why dont you keep things simple and straight and write on something that is really funny? Your last post passed muster - but this one falls flat....

  • a on October 23, 2010, 13:04 GMT

    surprise of surprises another Aussie bashing thread from Andrew Hughes. time to get a life mate, its getting boring.

  • jack on October 23, 2010, 12:41 GMT

    It is a waste of time anyone thinking of what the WICB has to say. if we are looking at cricket development and improving our test performance, we must look principally at those responsible for recommending players and captains. Let's look at the chairman of selectors, he cannot could command respect in his playing days, he is at sea to proper team selection in the WI and he and the WICB must remember that the cricketers in the WI are not children, but adults who must be respected.

  • Rasel ahmed (Amir) on October 23, 2010, 12:38 GMT

    its great to hear that shane warne is back again with ponting, and ponting is a great great player

  • Anonymous on October 23, 2010, 11:23 GMT

    The one about the WI captain is hilarious...still having a giggle about it.

  • Akshay on October 23, 2010, 10:12 GMT

    Absolutely hilarious, especially the friday section. "Names in a hat" method of captaincy selection, BRILLIANT!

  • FallsDown on October 23, 2010, 8:01 GMT

    Very funny article Andrew...well done!

  • ask_tweeves on October 23, 2010, 7:08 GMT

    yet again Mr Hughes!!! Really liked the last paragraph. Keep it up!

  • Ambedkar Narayan on October 23, 2010, 6:37 GMT

    I dn't u'stand y aussies media nd selectors r blameing their players.they have lost in INDIA b'cos INDIA have played.they should nt blame their cricketers.they have to accept that INDIA team playing extremmly good than his past.

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  • Ambedkar Narayan on October 23, 2010, 6:37 GMT

    I dn't u'stand y aussies media nd selectors r blameing their players.they have lost in INDIA b'cos INDIA have played.they should nt blame their cricketers.they have to accept that INDIA team playing extremmly good than his past.

  • ask_tweeves on October 23, 2010, 7:08 GMT

    yet again Mr Hughes!!! Really liked the last paragraph. Keep it up!

  • FallsDown on October 23, 2010, 8:01 GMT

    Very funny article Andrew...well done!

  • Akshay on October 23, 2010, 10:12 GMT

    Absolutely hilarious, especially the friday section. "Names in a hat" method of captaincy selection, BRILLIANT!

  • Anonymous on October 23, 2010, 11:23 GMT

    The one about the WI captain is hilarious...still having a giggle about it.

  • Rasel ahmed (Amir) on October 23, 2010, 12:38 GMT

    its great to hear that shane warne is back again with ponting, and ponting is a great great player

  • jack on October 23, 2010, 12:41 GMT

    It is a waste of time anyone thinking of what the WICB has to say. if we are looking at cricket development and improving our test performance, we must look principally at those responsible for recommending players and captains. Let's look at the chairman of selectors, he cannot could command respect in his playing days, he is at sea to proper team selection in the WI and he and the WICB must remember that the cricketers in the WI are not children, but adults who must be respected.

  • a on October 23, 2010, 13:04 GMT

    surprise of surprises another Aussie bashing thread from Andrew Hughes. time to get a life mate, its getting boring.

  • Srikanth on October 23, 2010, 14:12 GMT

    As an attempt at humour this falls woefully short. The last article was much better. And this format of writing date wise crap is boring. Andrew why dont you keep things simple and straight and write on something that is really funny? Your last post passed muster - but this one falls flat....

  • jack on October 23, 2010, 17:19 GMT

    It is a waste of time anyone thinking of what the WICB has to say. if we are looking at cricket development and improving our test performance, we must look principally at those responsible for recommending players and captains. Let's look at the chairman of selectors, he cannot could command respect in his playing days, he is at sea to proper team selection in the WI and he and the WICB must remember that the cricketers in the WI are not children, but adults who must be respected.