June 10, 2011

Why South Africa is in debt to English village cricket

Russell Domingo earned his stripes at Penshurst Park, didn’t you know?
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Mohammad Amir’s rather naughty appearance in a village match in Surrey has created an understandable stir in the world of cricket. Unsurprisingly, a man who spent much of last summer making Test batsmen look like village players returned tidy figures when bowling to actual village players. Perhaps not tidy enough to have made it worth his while risking his already career-shattering ban being increased still further - even a spell of 10 for 0 would not have tipped those scales - but tidy nonetheless. And the four St Luke’s batsmen dismissed can take solace in the fact that Alastair Cook was routinely scalped by Amir last summer, and it seems to have transformed him into an unstoppable animatronic run robot. By this time next summer, expect to see several of the current St Luke’s XI firmly ensconced in the England set-up.

I hope Amir’s ban is not increased, or that any increase is at least suspended. It would be a shame if any lingering chance of one of the 21st century cricket’s greatest talents finding on-the-field redemption is reduced still further by such an idiotic offence.

The selection of “the ringer” has a long and proud history in lower level cricket. And, some would say, in the England team. In fact, the struggles of several Test nations suggests that the ICC should consider allowing the lower-ranked teams to field one ringer of their choice in each match. This would make the international game much more competitive and unpredictable. And make Dale Steyn a very tired man.

Another man in the cricket news this week can also claim to have enjoyed “ringer” status earlier in his cricketing life, albeit without either attracting quite such media attention at the time, or flouting the terms of an ICC ban.

One of Gary Kirsten’s first acts as the undisputed Nebuchadnezzar of South African cricket was to appoint a coaching team of Allan Donald, whom ESPNcricinfo readers will remember as one of the most spell-binding cricketers of the modern era, and Warriors coach Russell Domingo, whom ESPNcricinfo readers will probably not remember in quite the same manner.

I, however, do remember Russell Domingo. As a ringer. For my village team. In a mid-week friendly, in the mid-1990s. Mid-week friendlies often present serious recruitment problems for village selection committees, and on this occasion the mighty Penshurst Park CC found themselves struggling to field the traditional 11 players for the annual match away at Hartfield (a largely ceremonial occasion that was, to all practical intents and purposes, a time-killing curtain-raiser for the much more serious business of a pub crawl back to Penshurst). One of our players had already recruited a friend for the day; with the team still short, that friend offered to bring along his friend, a “useful player” from South Africa, who was free for the afternoon, and who, it transpired, was Russell Domingo.

The game proceeded at the usual low-octane, semi-arthritic pace of a village friendly, as Penshurst tootled along towards the standard tea-time declaration (as I recall, star opener Andy Zaltzman only partially troubled the scorers that day). About 15 minutes before tea, a wicket fell, and Domingo – heart no doubt thumping like a divorced kangaroo, as the magnitude of his Penshurst Park debut sank in – marched out to bat.

Approximately 14 minutes later, he was slightly sheepishly raising his bat to the pavilion to acknowledge his half-century, clouted off about 16 balls, greeted with considerable grumblings and mutterings of “ringer” from the Hartfield team, and with even more considerable grumblings from the people on the adjacent tennis court, unfortunately located just over the midwicket boundary, whose gentle Thursday afternoon mixed doubles had been interrupted by a bombardment of cricket balls plummeting from the Sussex skies via the heavy artillery of Domingo’s bat.

That innings represented the high-water mark of Domingo’s Penshurst Park career – the only water mark, in fact, as he returned to play at a level more suited to his abilities. This was, of course, neither the first nor the last incidence of an English team benefitting from selecting a South African who was far better than the local talent available. But Domingo’s career path since then suggests that the confidence gained by playing as a ringer for Penshurst Park set him on the path towards reaching the highest level as a cricket coach. If England have benefitted in recent years from the production line of South African cricket– from D’Oliveira and Greig, via Lamb and Smith, to Pietersen and Trott – now South African cricket should be eternally grateful to English village cricket for its role in developing an international coach for them. Let’s call it quits.

Andy Zaltzman is a stand-up comedian, a regular on the BBC Radio 4, and a writer

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • Rileen on July 1, 2011, 7:20 GMT

    "heart no doubt thumping like a divorced kangaroo" - WTF?

    You're brilliantly ridiculous, Andy :-)

  • ET on June 16, 2011, 11:11 GMT

    About 12 years ago a few teaching colleagues and I entered a team into the indoor cricket league in Johannesburg. We were in the basement league, and were often a player or two short. My housemate and the time was Martin Saggers, future Eng test bowler, who was playing Jhb league cricket on his winter break. He kept wicket to my donkey drops and I returned the figures of 11 for -22 (each dismissal docked 3 runs off a team's total) in my two overs. Martin's bowling was less spectacular but I'm sure the poor blokes who faced him took up bungee-jumping or shark-diving as gentler midweek evening pursuits.

  • Canuck on June 15, 2011, 15:19 GMT

    Nice!

  • RamK on June 14, 2011, 17:40 GMT

    Witty, amusing and therapeutic after a long, tiring day of fielding at fine leg while Jimmy Adams kept padding away Paul Harris who had practiced all week with a coin two yards leg of leg stump -- of dumping data in spreadsheets, to be more accurate. Keep 'em flowing, Andy. Waiting for Ind-Eng confectionery.

  • waterbuffalo on June 13, 2011, 23:46 GMT

    my club team in the early 90's-66'ers, half state jr. old boys and half friends and passengers, had a genuine ringer once, our captain left for Australia and he was by far our best bat, so we thought of packing it in, losing in 90F and 80% humidity wasn't fun. This guy from India showed up at our nets, (we had a few join us that way) and asked could he have a bat? Turns out we found our Sehwag (this was before the real Sehwag). The guy opened, would blast 20 from two overs, watch the field go back, slips disappear, and just milk it. We never lost with him; unfortunately he left us after half a season, then we never won again.

  • Raghav on June 12, 2011, 20:32 GMT

    Andy Z :Page 2 :: Zak : Indian bowling attack..he doesnt write just for the sake of writing something funny (or doesnt seem to at any rate)..with the other writers its more of forced humor..

  • Raks on June 11, 2011, 19:58 GMT

    @AndyZaltzmannsHair - Amir does not need another idiot to advise him. He himself is enough :)

  • hassan on June 11, 2011, 7:48 GMT

    i'm glad to see englishmen supporting Amir. he is one of cricket's greatest losses, it's shameful that such a young and bright talent was not adequately protected by ICC anti-corruption unit, and the story had to be unveiled by a near-tabloid newspaper. Thanks for your support Andy.

  • Prashant on June 10, 2011, 20:53 GMT

    Bwahahaha. Interesting. It's even stevens really. :) SA and Eng should call it quits. That said, I honestly believe that SA are cursed. I think the closest any South African will ever get to a WC victory is when Kirsten led India to WC glory as the coach. :/

  • Piers on June 10, 2011, 18:56 GMT

    Ya, cool story bro!

  • Rileen on July 1, 2011, 7:20 GMT

    "heart no doubt thumping like a divorced kangaroo" - WTF?

    You're brilliantly ridiculous, Andy :-)

  • ET on June 16, 2011, 11:11 GMT

    About 12 years ago a few teaching colleagues and I entered a team into the indoor cricket league in Johannesburg. We were in the basement league, and were often a player or two short. My housemate and the time was Martin Saggers, future Eng test bowler, who was playing Jhb league cricket on his winter break. He kept wicket to my donkey drops and I returned the figures of 11 for -22 (each dismissal docked 3 runs off a team's total) in my two overs. Martin's bowling was less spectacular but I'm sure the poor blokes who faced him took up bungee-jumping or shark-diving as gentler midweek evening pursuits.

  • Canuck on June 15, 2011, 15:19 GMT

    Nice!

  • RamK on June 14, 2011, 17:40 GMT

    Witty, amusing and therapeutic after a long, tiring day of fielding at fine leg while Jimmy Adams kept padding away Paul Harris who had practiced all week with a coin two yards leg of leg stump -- of dumping data in spreadsheets, to be more accurate. Keep 'em flowing, Andy. Waiting for Ind-Eng confectionery.

  • waterbuffalo on June 13, 2011, 23:46 GMT

    my club team in the early 90's-66'ers, half state jr. old boys and half friends and passengers, had a genuine ringer once, our captain left for Australia and he was by far our best bat, so we thought of packing it in, losing in 90F and 80% humidity wasn't fun. This guy from India showed up at our nets, (we had a few join us that way) and asked could he have a bat? Turns out we found our Sehwag (this was before the real Sehwag). The guy opened, would blast 20 from two overs, watch the field go back, slips disappear, and just milk it. We never lost with him; unfortunately he left us after half a season, then we never won again.

  • Raghav on June 12, 2011, 20:32 GMT

    Andy Z :Page 2 :: Zak : Indian bowling attack..he doesnt write just for the sake of writing something funny (or doesnt seem to at any rate)..with the other writers its more of forced humor..

  • Raks on June 11, 2011, 19:58 GMT

    @AndyZaltzmannsHair - Amir does not need another idiot to advise him. He himself is enough :)

  • hassan on June 11, 2011, 7:48 GMT

    i'm glad to see englishmen supporting Amir. he is one of cricket's greatest losses, it's shameful that such a young and bright talent was not adequately protected by ICC anti-corruption unit, and the story had to be unveiled by a near-tabloid newspaper. Thanks for your support Andy.

  • Prashant on June 10, 2011, 20:53 GMT

    Bwahahaha. Interesting. It's even stevens really. :) SA and Eng should call it quits. That said, I honestly believe that SA are cursed. I think the closest any South African will ever get to a WC victory is when Kirsten led India to WC glory as the coach. :/

  • Piers on June 10, 2011, 18:56 GMT

    Ya, cool story bro!

  • Nicholas on June 10, 2011, 18:16 GMT

    I think we can call it quits since half the England team comes from South Africa.

  • clive greenwood on June 10, 2011, 15:58 GMT

    Why, Andy, did the kangaroo divorce his missus? Was it because he found a ringer hiding in her pouch? Keep up the good work; keep your nose to the keyboard!

  • nishant on June 10, 2011, 14:51 GMT

    Funnily I've never found village teams short of a 11 and willing to take me on. It must be down to the fact that my cricketing abilities are only rivalled by that of Mr Zaltzman and they don't want to be subject to the grumblings of 'ringer' by the opposition!!

  • Nick on June 10, 2011, 14:33 GMT

    Not just for the coaching staff do the south africans owe a lot to the English club system over the years a local Kendal club in the lake district call Netherfield had some well known professionals play as "ringers" including Jacques Kallis, Herschelle Gibbs and Charl Langeveldt. They all have a lot of international runs and wickets between then

  • Mustafa on June 10, 2011, 14:06 GMT

    Nice article ... thanks for sharing. Its always good to hear about these feel good stories!

  • Graham on June 10, 2011, 13:16 GMT

    Andy Zaltzman is worth 50 of the unworthy scribblers that normally grace these pages. The man can actually write, in a coherent and logical fashion, and tell a story that makes you read to the end.

    And he's funny, of course. Read and learn, the rest of you.

  • udayshankar on June 10, 2011, 12:16 GMT

    You are doing a disfavour to your countrymen by perpetually making fun of everything english.Thanks to people like you and the insufferable Mr.Bean englishmen are considered as jokers everywhere.You may choose to reply personally to me by email.

  • Oliver Kirsten on June 10, 2011, 10:36 GMT

    Love your articles and blog, Andy! I have not laughed as hard at any cricketing article as when some months ago you described Dale Steyn, after another devastating spell of fast bowling, as confirming his status to English cricket as "the one that got away"! Absolutely hilarious! By the way, in your SA production line list you omitted a certain Mr Strauss...

  • Paul Watson on June 10, 2011, 10:32 GMT

    Two summers ago, Grant Elliott played a midweek friendly against my village club, Ockham CC, in Surrey. My mate who opened the bowling had him dropped at 1st slip of the second ball of the innings, only for Grant to smash a quick century before retiring, presumably bored! Later that year Grant was playing Test cricket. Got to love a proper village cricket ringer.

  • Rehan Visser on June 10, 2011, 9:31 GMT

    What an incredible story!

    Oh and Andy, if South Africa win the next World Cup (50-over) and beat England in all series played between them in that period of time, then we can call it quits.

  • Dr Cam on June 10, 2011, 8:51 GMT

    As always, a very fine and amusing blog. Thanks Andy.

  • AndyZaltzmannsHair on June 10, 2011, 7:07 GMT

    BREAKING NEWS!!! Mohammad Asif caught standing next to a samosa seller in a local park in Lahore whilst an Under-11 cricket game was being played. ICC is set to launch a $2 Million inquiry into whether Asif has breached his terms of ban by encroaching within 50 yards of a cricket pitch. Interpol has already been contacted to locate the school children who had participated in the "illegal" game, and answer to charges of whether they had fixed the match with Asif. It's unclear as of now whether the samosa seller was a licensed tradesman, if not the Food Standards agency may well be brought into it. The ICC is fervently seeking answers on all fronts. When asked by a local reporter how they plan to tackle declining interest in Test Match cricket, the ICC responded with the following quote, "That's not our problem. We are now officially a Private Military Corporation, that's where the real money lies."

    P.S. Who was the idiot at Addington CC that told Amir he was cleared to play?

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  • AndyZaltzmannsHair on June 10, 2011, 7:07 GMT

    BREAKING NEWS!!! Mohammad Asif caught standing next to a samosa seller in a local park in Lahore whilst an Under-11 cricket game was being played. ICC is set to launch a $2 Million inquiry into whether Asif has breached his terms of ban by encroaching within 50 yards of a cricket pitch. Interpol has already been contacted to locate the school children who had participated in the "illegal" game, and answer to charges of whether they had fixed the match with Asif. It's unclear as of now whether the samosa seller was a licensed tradesman, if not the Food Standards agency may well be brought into it. The ICC is fervently seeking answers on all fronts. When asked by a local reporter how they plan to tackle declining interest in Test Match cricket, the ICC responded with the following quote, "That's not our problem. We are now officially a Private Military Corporation, that's where the real money lies."

    P.S. Who was the idiot at Addington CC that told Amir he was cleared to play?

  • Dr Cam on June 10, 2011, 8:51 GMT

    As always, a very fine and amusing blog. Thanks Andy.

  • Rehan Visser on June 10, 2011, 9:31 GMT

    What an incredible story!

    Oh and Andy, if South Africa win the next World Cup (50-over) and beat England in all series played between them in that period of time, then we can call it quits.

  • Paul Watson on June 10, 2011, 10:32 GMT

    Two summers ago, Grant Elliott played a midweek friendly against my village club, Ockham CC, in Surrey. My mate who opened the bowling had him dropped at 1st slip of the second ball of the innings, only for Grant to smash a quick century before retiring, presumably bored! Later that year Grant was playing Test cricket. Got to love a proper village cricket ringer.

  • Oliver Kirsten on June 10, 2011, 10:36 GMT

    Love your articles and blog, Andy! I have not laughed as hard at any cricketing article as when some months ago you described Dale Steyn, after another devastating spell of fast bowling, as confirming his status to English cricket as "the one that got away"! Absolutely hilarious! By the way, in your SA production line list you omitted a certain Mr Strauss...

  • udayshankar on June 10, 2011, 12:16 GMT

    You are doing a disfavour to your countrymen by perpetually making fun of everything english.Thanks to people like you and the insufferable Mr.Bean englishmen are considered as jokers everywhere.You may choose to reply personally to me by email.

  • Graham on June 10, 2011, 13:16 GMT

    Andy Zaltzman is worth 50 of the unworthy scribblers that normally grace these pages. The man can actually write, in a coherent and logical fashion, and tell a story that makes you read to the end.

    And he's funny, of course. Read and learn, the rest of you.

  • Mustafa on June 10, 2011, 14:06 GMT

    Nice article ... thanks for sharing. Its always good to hear about these feel good stories!

  • Nick on June 10, 2011, 14:33 GMT

    Not just for the coaching staff do the south africans owe a lot to the English club system over the years a local Kendal club in the lake district call Netherfield had some well known professionals play as "ringers" including Jacques Kallis, Herschelle Gibbs and Charl Langeveldt. They all have a lot of international runs and wickets between then

  • nishant on June 10, 2011, 14:51 GMT

    Funnily I've never found village teams short of a 11 and willing to take me on. It must be down to the fact that my cricketing abilities are only rivalled by that of Mr Zaltzman and they don't want to be subject to the grumblings of 'ringer' by the opposition!!