Twitter round-up September 26, 2013

'Motion sickness does destroy me every time'

Revelations of startling vulnerability and more in this fortnight's Twitter round-up

The world's cricketers have been handing out a lot of advice this week. Needlessly to say, most of it is completely worthless. If they're not totally ignorant regarding the locations of celestial bodies, they're confusing mountains with agricultural land or advocating change for change's sake. Unless they're talking you through the menu at Nando's, don't listen to them - they'll be out of their depth.

The astronomer
Kemar Roach thinks he's aiming high.

"Aim For The Moon So If You Miss You're Still Amongst Those Stars!"

Actually Kemar, the moon is typically around 150 million kilometres away from the nearest star (the Sun) and 4.24 light years from the next nearest. In contrast, it is only 384,400 kilometres away from Earth, so even if you reach your target you'll still be much, much closer to terra firma than the stars.

The big bang
Dale Steyn's still winning and still saying boom.

"Boom! Rusty... but a win is a win!!! Is it still cool to say boom?"

No. And frankly it never was.

The DIY project
Graeme Swann has a shed conversion to carry out.

"My last shred of manhood has been stripped by my wife's orders to turn my garden shed into a boutique winter sleeping zone for our cats..."

The modesty
Worcestershire's Jack Shantry feels he's ticking all the boxes.

"Be a hard choice between getting 7 for or being the best looking bloke in Worcester, luckily I've experienced both"

Past tense, though.

The drama queen
Kraigg Brathwaite's not a great traveller.

"Motion sickness does destroy me everytime"


Life with Kemar Roach
How's Kemar keeping?

"Trust No One!"

Tough week.

What's your philosophy?
Shaun Pollock is as relentless with words of wisdom as he was with the ball.

"3 life changing principles.Eliminate excuse and avoid procrastination, face the truth no matter how painful, stop feeling sorry for yourself"

Sometimes, Shaun, it seems like you want us to change our life pretty much weekly. That's a lot of turmoil. Why do we always have to change?

Chris Gayle has the answer.

"Our life doesn't get better by chance - it gets better by changes!"

So there you go. Everyone's in agreement. We all just have to keep changing things, day after day, week after week, no matter whether it seems a good idea or not.

The mixed metaphor
But is Pollock really to be trusted? This doesn't make much sense.

"Whatever you shout into the mountain range echo's back at you, so sow what you want to reap."

Surely the second part of that should read "so shout what you want to hear again after a short delay, only slightly more faintly."

Nando's Watch
Alex Hales seems to be supporting this feature pretty much single-handedly these days.

"In nandos in my playing trousers and cap, getting all sorts of funny looks.. #fullkitw*****"

Interesting that there's a swear word specifically geared towards professional cricketers.

Jet lag Watch - part two
Somewhere in the world, there is always - always - a cricketer complaining about jet lag. Darren Bravo fulfils the role this week.

"Jet lag! Hungry and can't sleep."

Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket