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England seek inspirational song
And other such worrisome news from the world of cricket
R Rajkumar
02-Dec-2013
Ashes computer game wrongly criticised
The developers of Ashes Cricket 2013 have been forced to offer refunds to people who purchased the game, because of how wretchedly bad it reportedly is. Fans and critics have slated the computer game since its release, calling it, among other things, "incomplete", "flawed in almost every way" and "unintentionally hilarious". The graphics, which show players appearing to move awkwardly and at random, have been rubbished as unpredictable and a "throwback to 1999".
The developers of Ashes Cricket 2013 have been forced to offer refunds to people who purchased the game, because of how wretchedly bad it reportedly is. Fans and critics have slated the computer game since its release, calling it, among other things, "incomplete", "flawed in almost every way" and "unintentionally hilarious". The graphics, which show players appearing to move awkwardly and at random, have been rubbished as unpredictable and a "throwback to 1999".
The game's developers have, meanwhile, released a statement defending their product. "We really don't see what all the fuss is about," declared a spokesman. "We used the current England team's performances in the first test as our model. The game is nothing if not an accurate representation."
Vinay gets hitched despite dowry concerns
Vinay Kumar got married over the weekend, but apparently he had to work extra-hard to convince the father of the bride to give him his daughter's hand, as the old man was very nervous upon hearing how expensive Vinay can be.
Full postVinay Kumar got married over the weekend, but apparently he had to work extra-hard to convince the father of the bride to give him his daughter's hand, as the old man was very nervous upon hearing how expensive Vinay can be.
How to make a proper cricket video game
It's not easy to capture the essence of playing at a rubbish level
Alan Tyers
30-Nov-2013
Cricket has not been well served by video games down the years, with the qualified exception of Brian Lara Cricket, but Ashes Cricket 2013 has lowered the bar with effortless incompetence. The game is so bad that it has been pulled from the shelves, with purchasers receiving a refund.
But gaming cricket fans may, at long last, be getting the game they deserve.
Recognising the difficulties of capturing top-level cricket's complexity on a console, developers for @ListerProd Studios are instead working on a release they believe will revolutionise sports gaming: Amateur Cricket Captain 2013.
Full postDiary of an England back-room staffer
How could any player succumb to a stress-related illness when they're so carefully monitored by the support staff?
Alex Bowden
28-Nov-2013
7.30am: Breakfast
Player A was eight minutes late for breakfast. This could be indicative of a build-up of fatigue and the management team should therefore consider resting the player for the next couple of Test matches. In terms of food selection, Player A opted for only the third-best of the three nutritionally balanced meal options on offer. Is this down to ignorance or a lack of willingness to exploit opportunities to steal crucial advantages over the opposition? Both interpretations are damning.
Player A was eight minutes late for breakfast. This could be indicative of a build-up of fatigue and the management team should therefore consider resting the player for the next couple of Test matches. In terms of food selection, Player A opted for only the third-best of the three nutritionally balanced meal options on offer. Is this down to ignorance or a lack of willingness to exploit opportunities to steal crucial advantages over the opposition? Both interpretations are damning.
9am: Foam rolling
Player A was seen to be joking with team-mates during this recovery session. He was clearly not fully committed to the foam rolling process and will not have gained all he could from the session.
Player A was seen to be joking with team-mates during this recovery session. He was clearly not fully committed to the foam rolling process and will not have gained all he could from the session.
10.30am: Coffee break
One sugar. Entirely unnecessary given that glycogen stores had been in no way depleted by the morning's exertions.
Full postOne sugar. Entirely unnecessary given that glycogen stores had been in no way depleted by the morning's exertions.
Joe Root growing moustache for Movember
And other hard-to-find news from the mad world of cricket
R Rajkumar
25-Nov-2013
England ring in dietary changes
After a worrying performance in the first Test, a desperate England have gone back to the drawing board to make some important changes. First among these appears to be adjustments to the team's dietary requirements.
After a worrying performance in the first Test, a desperate England have gone back to the drawing board to make some important changes. First among these appears to be adjustments to the team's dietary requirements.
"I can't understand it, but it would appear that the piri-piri breaded tofu with tomato salsa isn't working out as well as I thought it would," said Chris Rosimus, England's performance nutritionist and the man responsible for the much-derided 82-page list of dietary demands that was leaked before the series began. "As a remedial measure, I've made the executive decision to go ahead and substitute the tomato salsa with mango salsa, and in place of the quinoa with roasted butternut squash, apricot and parsley, we're going to try a long-line-caught Pacific Ocean codswallop delicately braised with a pre-chewed paste of organic sundried heirloom tomatoes. If that doesn't lift our performances in the games to come, I don't know what will."
Joe Root growing moustache for Movember
Joe Root has grown a moustache in observance of Movember, according to Joe Root. "Yeah, always happy to be a part of a good cause," said Root, referring to the month-long event involving the growing of moustaches to raise awareness of men's health issues. "I can always shave it off later," he added, making what appeared to be twirling motions with his fingers on either side of his bare upper lip.
Full postJoe Root has grown a moustache in observance of Movember, according to Joe Root. "Yeah, always happy to be a part of a good cause," said Root, referring to the month-long event involving the growing of moustaches to raise awareness of men's health issues. "I can always shave it off later," he added, making what appeared to be twirling motions with his fingers on either side of his bare upper lip.
'Impossible to have a pee on the train without falling'
Laws of motion get tested this fortnight on our Twitter round-up
Alex Bowden
22-Nov-2013
It's the Ashes. English and Australian cricketers are thinking of nothing else.
The Aussies
David Hussey's got important things on his mind.
David Hussey's got important things on his mind.
Bad odour and gym sessions are not ideal! Please shower or 'shower in a can' prior to beginning. #gymetiquette #tang #smelly
— David Hussey (@DavidHussey29) November 12, 2013What we've learned about England from the Australian media
Down Under they've left no stone unturned to tell the world about the horror that is the England cricket team
Alan Tyers
21-Nov-2013
1) The Brisbane Bungee reports that "Arrogant Kevin Pietersen refused to show his passport at the airport and demanded of immigration officials: 'Don't you know who I am?' before sneering 'Here is my passport, thanks very much, have a nice day buddy.'"
2) At a charity event for underprivileged kids in Brisbane, James Anderson ate all the cakes and drank all the fizzy pop before running around shouting at them and making them cry. Report from the Woolloongabba Witchfinder.
3) A hard-hitting investigative report suggests that Matt Prior may have drunk a glass of tap water during a visit to the Gabba, showing once again a disgusting greed to steal our great country's natural resources. The Sydney Daily Blue has the full story.
Full postHighlights from the Tendulkar retirement reel
It was a time for wrenching emotion, frank outpourings, and high-pressure hoses
R Rajkumar
18-Nov-2013
"Oh gosh, I do believe I might have a little something in my eye," admitted Ian Bishop while commentating during Tendulkar's emotional final speech.
"Don't we all, Bish, don't we all," said a Harsha Bhogle in response, his voice breaking.
"Yes, you know, it isn't like me at all to make such a show of something like this," continued Bishop, "but fact is I've got water gushing out of my right eye as I speak."
Full postAfter Sachin, what now for Indian fans?
All is not lost. Keep hope alive, people
Alan Tyers
15-Nov-2013
It's the end of the world as we know it for Sachin Tendulkar fans. But do not despair, Indian cricket lovers: there's still so much to look forward to even though the great man will no longer be in the side.
1) In just another 182 matches' time, Murali Vijay will play his 200th Test, and is on target to score his 1500th Test run in that game. A wonderful colourful display of 1500 rose petals will be showered upon him, from a small bin.
2) The awarding of the highest level of 2013-14 BCCI central contract to a promising youngster by the name of Sachin Tendulkar. Definitely one to watch for the future, and good to see the young man getting a much-needed financial shot in the arm.
Full postHow to write your Tendulkar tribute
Everyone's doing it, but are they doing it right? Here are some handy tips
Alex Bowden
14-Nov-2013
In a week in which every man, woman, child and beast is putting pen to paper or hoof to keyboard to pay tribute to Sachin Tendulkar, there's only one thing left to do - and that's write about writing about Sachin Tendulkar.
I can tell you from experience that it is no easy task. Everyone has something to say on the subject, and for that very reason, there is very little left worth saying. There are few angles or niches which haven't been fully explored.
But there are column inches to fill. If you're staring at a blank Word doc, here are the six main categories of Sachin tribute you can explore.
Full postMan in Tendulkar mask actually Tendulkar
Sidelights from the farewell series, the curious case of Mohammad Irfan, and more
R Rajkumar
11-Nov-2013
Ashwin freezes mid-pause once more
"Oh damn, not again," said MS Dhoni as he took off his gloves and signalled frantically to the dressing room for assistance in dealing with R Ashwin, who appeared to have frozen in place again due to his having paused for too long at the point of delivering the ball.
"Oh damn, not again," said MS Dhoni as he took off his gloves and signalled frantically to the dressing room for assistance in dealing with R Ashwin, who appeared to have frozen in place again due to his having paused for too long at the point of delivering the ball.
"I really wish he wouldn't do it so often," explained the skipper with just a hint of annoyance in his voice as he helped the physio give the bowler, who was lying down but otherwise still in his delivery pose, a thorough rub-down with various heating oils. "This is like the fourth time this week he's got himself stuck mid-pause."
Play was held up for almost an hour before the spinner eventually "thawed out" and was able to compose himself.
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