The Index
For the love of Murali
Who's greater, Warne or the Sri Lankan with 800? We can finally lay that argument to rest
Andrew Fernando
25-Jul-2010
While the football and water polo supporters were out getting drunk and chasing girls in high school, we stayed at home and calculated Tendulkar's innings-to-century ratio in our underwear. Instead of taking our wives to dinner or watering the azealas like regular folk, we spend all week crunching the numbers for history's greatest cricketing battles. Bradman v Larwood, Donald v Atherton, Arjuna Ranatunga v an ever-expanding waistline.
Murali's retirement was, of course, a perfect excuse for us all to indulge in this odd fetish once more. With a ready-made rival in Shane Warne, it was all too easy for the cricket world to be whipped up into a squealing, adolescent statistics frenzy. Who was more effective against top-class opposition? Who could extract more wickets on an unhelpful surface? Which of them looked better just after a shower?
But for all the stats, there were still several aspects of the Warne-Murali debate that haven't been laboriously scrutinised. As such, in the interest of creating a more complete dialogue, let's take a look at a few areas where the Sri Lankan holds the upper hand over his rival.
Full postNow that's what I call humiliating
What's the most ignominious way to get out? These are hard to beat
Daniel Norcross
22-Jul-2010
Within seconds of Danish Kaneria's dismissal in the first innings of the Lord's test between Pakistan and Australia last week, the Test Match Sofa Twitter feed was inundated with howls of despair.
Shane Watson had just taken five wickets in an innings and was assured of cricketing immortality. His name would be the first to appear on a special neutral Tests honours board at Lord's. Where Warne, Lillee and Thomson had failed, the watery-eyed military medium of Watson had cleaned up.
Listeners from such diverse locations as Karachi and Epping Forest were furiously searching for floor plans, investing in crampons and balaclavas, and planning a midnight raid on the visitors' dressing room to steal the board and eradicate this blatant injustice from history.
Full postWhat cricket can learn from the football World Cup
Bring on the molluscs, naked sprints and red cards
Anand Ramachandran
16-Jul-2010
If some reports are to be believed, cricket is losing popularity. Television viewership is dipping faster than a Diego Forlan freekick, live audiences are dropping like a skier being chased by RP Singh, and sponsors are becoming harder to find than Lalit Modi on Shashank Manohar's Facebook friends list.
It is time for the ICC to wake up and inject new life into the game. And what better way to do this than rip off a few ideas from that other stellar organisation, FIFA? FIFA understands better than anyone that in order to conduct a successful tournament you need the sideshows, the controversies and the hype.
Here are some ideas from the recently concluded football World Cup that can be used to revive cricket's popularity.
Full postCut that out
Things players can drop from their repertoires to be more effective
Jarrod Kimber
08-Jul-2010
In order to preserve his ailing body and ensure he maintains himself for the long haul, Prince Brendon McCullum has given up wicketkeeping. It is a brave move for someone with a Test batting average of 34, but the Prince has never lacked confidence. If this works there could be a spate of players doing the same thing. Because players are too divergent with their energies in this day and age, they need to focus their chakras and their body-mind interface to get the personal momentum you need to be a winner.
Here are a few who could shed some of their workload in order to prolong or improve their careers.
Chris Gayle
Being cool
You hear it all the time, the man is effortlessly cool. Nonsense. I don't care who it is - Johnny Cash included - there is effort in being cool. How much effort? Well, at least 10% of his life must go towards being cool, if not more. He could start by giving up the designer sunnies, get a short back-and-sides haircut and stop looking like nothing is bothering him. With that extra 10% he could run between the wickets like Mike Hussey, and you don't need to be cool to be Mike Hussey.
Being cool
You hear it all the time, the man is effortlessly cool. Nonsense. I don't care who it is - Johnny Cash included - there is effort in being cool. How much effort? Well, at least 10% of his life must go towards being cool, if not more. He could start by giving up the designer sunnies, get a short back-and-sides haircut and stop looking like nothing is bothering him. With that extra 10% he could run between the wickets like Mike Hussey, and you don't need to be cool to be Mike Hussey.
Graeme Swann
Twitter
Any cricket fans on the social-networking micro-blogging platform know how important Swann is to it. Sehwag - prophet of Sehwagology that he is - is rather boring, Michael Clarke's tweets have never reached the heady heights of dull, and pictures of Sulieman Benn on a motorcycle are enjoyable, but not fulfilling. Swann obviously puts time and effort into his tweeting. Coming up with witty one-liners and new ways to abuse Tim Bresnan. While this is great for us, if he was to cut Twitter out of his life, he could learn how to play short-pitched bowling and become a real allrounder.
Full postAny cricket fans on the social-networking micro-blogging platform know how important Swann is to it. Sehwag - prophet of Sehwagology that he is - is rather boring, Michael Clarke's tweets have never reached the heady heights of dull, and pictures of Sulieman Benn on a motorcycle are enjoyable, but not fulfilling. Swann obviously puts time and effort into his tweeting. Coming up with witty one-liners and new ways to abuse Tim Bresnan. While this is great for us, if he was to cut Twitter out of his life, he could learn how to play short-pitched bowling and become a real allrounder.
That's disgraceful
No ignominy is too demeaning for England. To prove it, we've picked 17 of the finest shameful moments from their history. (Featuring rather a lot of players named Ian. Hmm.)
Alex Bowden
27-Jun-2010
England's newfound competence in the shorter formats is a tragic waste of a valuable skill that has been developed by scores of England fans: unshakeable resilience when confronted with yet more shame. England have endured plenty of embarrassment over the years and we supporters are numb to all but the most extreme cases.
The 2007 Twenty20 specialists
England brought Twenty20 to the world and then they brought them James Kirtley, Darren Maddy, Chris Schofield and Jeremy Snape.
England brought Twenty20 to the world and then they brought them James Kirtley, Darren Maddy, Chris Schofield and Jeremy Snape.
Ian Botham's hair
Any era. Head or facial. Rarely has one man brought so much hirsute shame on the nation. At least he could play a bit.
Full postAny era. Head or facial. Rarely has one man brought so much hirsute shame on the nation. At least he could play a bit.
Kick it up a notch
Cricketers who wouldn't be half-bad at football
S Aga
15-Jun-2010
Kevin Pietersen
Trophy wife? Check.
Trophy wife? Check.
Shahid Afridi
Footballers need to be light and nimble on their feet. Shahid Afridi is light and nimble on his feet. You should have seen him back in 2005, doing the fandango all over the Faisalabad pitch, with spikes on.
Footballers need to be light and nimble on their feet. Shahid Afridi is light and nimble on his feet. You should have seen him back in 2005, doing the fandango all over the Faisalabad pitch, with spikes on.
Colin Cowdrey and Peter May
For their dexterous and skilful use of their legs to play the cricket ball during their epic stand of 411 against West Indies in 1957.
Full postFor their dexterous and skilful use of their legs to play the cricket ball during their epic stand of 411 against West Indies in 1957.
Make believe and you shall receive
The IPL was followed by the World Twenty20 and now we have the Friends Provident t20 upon us. How do you avoid viewer-burnout for this format?
Alex Bowden
11-Jun-2010
Arrange for a friend to take a watering can and pour water against your window for the three-and-a-half days leading up to each match. This will allow you to pretend it's a rain-shortened contrived finish that's been agreed upon by the respective captains in a county game.
Pretend that it's the mad dash for County Championship bonus points that sometimes takes place as a first innings approaches 110 overs.
Try and identify young players who are likely to do well in the County Championship and ultimately Test cricket. Any bowler getting repeatedly carted for sixes is probably keeping a good line and length, with deliveries that would hit the top of off stump. Any batsman with a ludicrously poor strike rate has the mental strength to withstand hostile crowd response when unveiling his full repertoire of leaves and defensive strokes and is sure to do well in the Ashes.
Full postExcellent nomenclature
The most rocking player names in all of cricket
S Aga
26-May-2010
Xavier Melbourne Marshall A Spanish saint, a legendary Bajan fast bowler and Australia's second largest city. How many more things do you need to cram into a name before you can call it great?
Sreesanth Some names are so resplendent, they don't need to lean arthritically on surnames for support. Especially not when they belong to hip-shaking, fist-pumping, jewellery-wearing, imbroglio-courting superstars. Weep your hearts out, Cher and Madonna.
WPUJC Vaas UWMBCA Welegedara may seem more imposing on paper, but spell the initials out and our Vaasy has upstart Chanaka beat by plenty.
Full postAshton who?
A newspaper is campaigning to make Sachin Tendulkar the most-followed person on Twitter. We've got some advice for Mr T on what he can do to help the process along
Samantha Pendergrast
11-May-2010
Say you've got an owie. Once the site is back up after days of "server trouble", the commiserations will flood in. "I had an owie once. It hurt like hell" or "Sachin, I banged my elbow so I could feel what it was like to be you".
Increase in followers: 50,000
Increase in followers: 50,000
Tell Atul Kasbekar to stop commanding everyone to follow you. It's annoying to be ordered to do things by someone when you don't know what he's famous for.
Increase in followers: 100,000 minus AK
Increase in followers: 100,000 minus AK
Tell us what you really said to Rahul Dravid after he declared the innings with you on 194 in Multan. So you said you were "disappointed" but did you march into the dressing room and point the bat to his chest and say, "You and me, outside, right now, punk"?
Increase in followers: 200,000
Full postIncrease in followers: 200,000
Moves for Modi
What's a poor IPL commissioner to do if he is not IPL commissioner anymore? We've got a few suggestions
Samantha Pendergrast
27-Apr-2010
Lead India's Save the Tiger* project. Modi can generate money through gladiator v tiger fights, persuade the tigers to allow every alternate stripe on their pelts to be used for advertisements, and get cheerleaders to entertain tourists in wildlife reserves and double up as tiger food. But his stroke of genius will be suspending a tiger in the air during the most compelling events in Indian television - Parliament sessions. While politicians bicker and throw mikes at each other, the camera will pan to the noble beast and the news anchor will tell us why it is at the forefront of the animal kingdom and how Dennis Lillee once tried to race against one. It may not increase the tiger population but will keep the issue firmly in the nation's consciousness forever. And maybe even keep the MPs in check.
Do nothing. Laze on a yacht in the Caribbean with Preity Zinta and Shilpa Shetty, sticking pins into a voodoo doll of Chirayu Amin.
Take over the ICL. Turn it into the IPL. Then go after the current IPL. Reduce it to "a-man-and-his-dog-watching" event. After it's destroyed, give amnesty to its players. Invite them to the new tournament. Make it an over-the-top, in-your-face bottomless pit of money, glamour and mindless advertising. Come up with impossibly complicated bidding processes and let all the important papers relating to the tournament disappear. What? He's already done all this? You could have stopped us at ICL.
Full post