Cricket, you've been served
Not everything in our game is as it seems. Call the lawyers now
Samantha Pendergrast
21-Oct-2011
An America woman recently sued the distributors of the movie Drive because the trailer supposedly misled her into believing the plot involved car chases or racing action. It set off a rash of people declaring movies they would like to sue for misleading titles. And it got us thinking of how cricket has misled those who don't know and don't love it. The following is not a comprehensive list, only what we are calling our lawyers up for. Send us your entries in the comments.
The Ashes For not being a competition to judge who the better arsonist is
All out Actually there is one who remains not out
Bats Because their sweet spots taste distinctly un-sugary
Clean-bowled Not as hygienic as it claims to be, usually being accompanied by bits of mud and grass, which the uprooted stump brings to surface
Death overs For not being bowled by the Grim Reaper
Googly It's not a faster, no-frills version of the search engine; in fact it's not searchable, being so hard to pick
Ian Botham Does not cook well on a barbecue, and refuses to be stuffed into a steak and kidney pie
Knocking on selectors' doors We'll withhold taking action till we see evidence of worn-down doors and scuffed knuckles
Legspin Does not turn to leg for a right-hander. True, it breaks from leg, but as a delivery it deceives of its intention. Same for offspin and reverse-swing
Mumbai Indians Not Indians or from Mumbai
Nightwatchman For not staying awake at night (unless he's a jittery sort)
No-ball For being a ball
One-day international Lasts about 16 hours fewer than it should
Rahul Dravid Is not a combination of bricks and cement
Sidebottom Does not have a disproportionately aligned posterior
Sledging For not having the proper Christmas spirit
A sticky wicket Doesn't aid the affixing of stamps to envelopes, does it?
Sweeper a) Does not clean up; b) Is not a fielder who intercepts the sweep shot
Third man For not being the same as a No. 3
Umpires Never respond accurately to the question "Howzzat?" They say "out" or "not out", but they never say how it was. Suitable potential responses drafted by ESPNcricinfo team: "Fine", "Not so hot", "I've seen better", "Whatta ripper", "In the good areas but didn't do much", "Ooh, that's a close one, eh?"
Wanderers For staying put
World Cup Ignores more than 93% of the world