The rules of a club cricket tour
A brief and light-hearted look at some of the trials and tribulations faced by club cricketers on tour
Andy Ryan
05-Nov-2014
Nutritious junk food is integral to the success of a touring club • Getty Images
Expect every team you face to be far better than you
You will tell the tour company that you are a weak village side and they will promise to match you with a team of similar ability. You will turn up and find yourself facing the local league champions. You must field first in the hope of avoiding humiliation. Their batsman will soon be licking their lips at the prospect of season- and career-best scores. Prepare for an afternoon of fetching the ball from hedges.
You will tell the tour company that you are a weak village side and they will promise to match you with a team of similar ability. You will turn up and find yourself facing the local league champions. You must field first in the hope of avoiding humiliation. Their batsman will soon be licking their lips at the prospect of season- and career-best scores. Prepare for an afternoon of fetching the ball from hedges.
Have the biggest night out before your biggest game
A tour is always an uncomfortable compromise between play off the field and play on it. There will be those team members who would quite like to get some sleep before the game. These sensible souls will always lose out to those who prefer their pre-match preparation on the razzle. A forty-over game while hung over and exhausted is one of the great sporting challenges.
A tour is always an uncomfortable compromise between play off the field and play on it. There will be those team members who would quite like to get some sleep before the game. These sensible souls will always lose out to those who prefer their pre-match preparation on the razzle. A forty-over game while hung over and exhausted is one of the great sporting challenges.
Do not be sick at the wicket
Our opening bat had looked distinctly greenish before going out to bat. It was not a good sign when he clutched his stomach after walking a single. After getting out, he sprinted past the oncoming batsman and straight into the bathroom.
Our opening bat had looked distinctly greenish before going out to bat. It was not a good sign when he clutched his stomach after walking a single. After getting out, he sprinted past the oncoming batsman and straight into the bathroom.
Ensure substantial nutritional intake
England took their 82-page recipe book to Australia; many touring teams rely on the nearest KFC.
England took their 82-page recipe book to Australia; many touring teams rely on the nearest KFC.
Accept your fines with good grace
Expect to be fined for anything from a misfield to not wearing white socks or, a personal favourite, being too enthusiastic in the field. Dispute your fine and you are likely to see it increase in value.
Expect to be fined for anything from a misfield to not wearing white socks or, a personal favourite, being too enthusiastic in the field. Dispute your fine and you are likely to see it increase in value.
Ignore 99% certainty
"99% certain to come" means no.
"99% certain to come" means no.
Take care when batting with a last-minute ringer
Every touring party involves at least one "player" who has been roped in at the last moment on the promise of endless drinking and sunshine. Just when you start batting well, he will run you out.
Every touring party involves at least one "player" who has been roped in at the last moment on the promise of endless drinking and sunshine. Just when you start batting well, he will run you out.
Spend as little time as possible in the hotel
It is only a certain type of hotel that welcomes a touring party of cricketers. Pray there won't be a stag do in the room next door. Never look under the bed.
It is only a certain type of hotel that welcomes a touring party of cricketers. Pray there won't be a stag do in the room next door. Never look under the bed.
Listen to local advice
One obliging local was kind enough to list the pubs where a visitor could expect to lose his front teeth.
One obliging local was kind enough to list the pubs where a visitor could expect to lose his front teeth.
Have a Plan B in case rain stops play
Bowling, go karting and golf are all great options. In fact, you may enjoy these so much that you wonder why you bother with this cricket malarkey anyway.
Bowling, go karting and golf are all great options. In fact, you may enjoy these so much that you wonder why you bother with this cricket malarkey anyway.
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Andy Ryan is a co-host of Reverse Swept Radio, a cricket podcast focused on the game's history and literature. He tweets @reverseswept