Hello. Presume you're here for the latest on Kevin Pietersen's coffee-drinking, which seems to have become the main theme of this column.
Wait a minute. You're not Kevin Pietersen. Although you do sound uncannily like him on this occasion.
Let's start again. This is what we should have opened with. We should have started with a bang.
David Gower's on Twitter and he's brought terrible dad jokes!
It seems as if James Taylor may have goaded him into tweeting. And that's not all he's been doing, the mischievous scamp.
The two men appear to be building quite the relationship, with Taylor also introducing Gower to other new experiences.
Over on a rival channel, covering Test series taking place in Australia entails a certain amount of talking through the night. Graeme Swann needs to find a way to switch off.
Well, this is one way to unwind.
Or if that seems just a little too ridiculous, how about this?
Or, if it comes to the worst, he could always join legions of other cricketers in their favoured pastime.
No, if you really, truly want to relax, there's only one thing to do: go round to Sachin's where he'll present you with a cake with your name on.
Somewhere in the world there is always a cricketer sharing strange details of their air travel.
Or being a bit too enthusiastic about an aeroplane's ability to quickly and easily transport you from one place to another.
Normally people want to take selfies with cricketers - but cricketers now love air travel so much that they're demanding selfies with airline staff.
Enough of this innovation. Let's finish with a pair of good, straightforward, traditional in-flight selfies to bring us back to normality.
Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket