'If you have to make noises like Chewbacca doing a massive poo...'

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This column sees it as more of an obligation. And if Mohammad Yousaf hadn't made such a persuasive case for following him, we'd doubtless make fun of him too.

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[Clicks "follow" with barely suppressed elation at the prospect of future tweets]

What's your philosophy?

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We'd question that. We're pretty sure you can bounce back from a day without learning.

If you're worried that you might not, you can always keep your brain ticking over by reading the dictionary.

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Or just go to the gym. Healthy body, healthy mind and all that.

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Or lift no weights at all. Dale Steyn's recovery programme doesn't seem all that demanding.

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You might, at some point, want to play cricket or actually go fishing.

Steyn's TV-watching and fishing-gear-purchasing didn't exactly do England's cause any harm over recent weeks.

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We'd call it a grimace of tolerance.

It's also worth taking issue with "not many teams win in South Africa". We can think of at least one side who frequently do - they are called South Africa.

Speaking of which, one man who left South Africa for England was in part persuaded to do so because he was being kept out of his state side by none other than Gulam Bodi.

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Safe to assume they are not friends.

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Come on, Kemar. You must know that time is money.

Time and money have caught up with Shivnarine Chanderpaul, who has retired from international cricket so that he can play in the Masters Champions League.

As you look back on his career, what would you say was his biggest virtue?

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A major compliment from another man of great virtue.

Another playing in the MCL is Tino Best who's turning out for Sagittarius Strikers. Tino being Tino, he's giving it his all.

Look. Here he is "hard at practice".

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Looks tough. And what's this exercise called?

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Maybe the Sagittarius Strikers are tired from all the HARD PARTYING they've been doing.

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Two pints between four of them. As Phil Mustard was once ordered to ditch the beer and burgers after contracting gout, we'd bet on him drinking the lion's share of it.

Somewhere in the world, there is always a cricketer making the best of things at some airport or other.

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