'Never discuss cheese with rats or talk bread with birds'

The finer points of animal etiquette and more, in the latest Twitter round-up

30-Jan-2014

That's Mr Roger Ebert to you  •  Getty Images

This week's Twitter round-up mostly centres on getting up early. You may think that cricketers do this because they're productive, successful, driven people. In reality, it's usually just that they've forgotten to change their alarm clock or something.

The dish

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If you eat meat, it's important to remember that animals don't come in delicious head-free form.

The early morning fitness regime

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Two key points here: One, "contemplating" isn't the same as "doing". Two, "still in bed" isn't the same as "up early".

Here's how you get up early.

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The joke

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An astronaut. Might not work in your accent.

The practical joke

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It's our annual clown festival here in Lahore. Everyone is dressed as a clown and only people dressed as clowns will be allowed to enter. Pack accordingly.

The film review

12 years a Slave dammm serious movie
— Tino Best (@tinobest) January 25, 2014

Life with Kemar Roach

Brace yourself for some serious ups and downs. It is ALL GO in the world of Kemar Roach…

Bored! Need To Find Some Sort Of Entertainment!
— Kemar Roach (@KemarAJR) January 14, 2014

Note To Self - House Work Is Not For Me!
— Kemar Roach (@KemarAJR) January 17, 2014

Im Starving!
— Kemar Roach (@KemarAJR) January 25, 2014

Early Morning Run!
— Kemar Roach (@KemarAJR) January 27, 2014

Chores!
— Kemar Roach (@KemarAJR) January 27, 2014

Nap Time!
— Kemar Roach (@KemarAJR) January 27, 2014

Beach!
— Kemar Roach (@KemarAJR) January 28, 2014

Relentless excitement. His liberal use of capital letters and exclamation marks is entirely justified. He doesn't say how early his run was, though. Bet it wasn't 4.15am early.

The wild side
Saqlain Mushtaq's living it large as well.

Enjoyed my morning Walk. such pleasant weather.sitting in the lawn listening to the birds chirping & having a cup of honey cinnamon tea
— Saqlain Mushtaq (@Saqlain_Mushtaq) January 28, 2014

Rock and roll.

What's your philosophy?
Three pieces of advice this week…

People constantly seek something new,but sooner or later every new thing becomes an old thing,so learn to be content with the old things too
— Shaun Pollock (@7polly7) January 26, 2014

Never discuss cheese with rats, talk bread with birds or make moves with snakes.
— Chris Gayle (@henrygayle) January 17, 2014

Blowing out another person candle doesn't make your burn any brighter .
— Tino Best (@tinobest) January 28, 2014

Three catchy, memorable pieces of advice, each of which would make any sane person groan.

Jet-lag Watch
Somewhere in the world, there is always a cricketer complaining about jet-lag.

Jet lag at its finest with a 230am wake up!!!
— Jade Dernbach (@Jwd_16) January 15, 2014

Jetlag!! Dammit!!
— Craig Kieswetter (@kiesy_22) January 26, 2014

It's hard to know what to do when this happens.

4 am and wide awake in Sri Lanka! Safe to say there's not a lot to do at this time here... #Jetlag #Bored
— James Taylor (@jamestaylor20) January 27, 2014

You could lie there thinking about going for a run. Or why not get in one of your five a day?

4am wide awake in Columbo! Jetlag is rubbish! But have just eaten a full pineapple for good measure!! #1ofmy5fortoday
— Jonny Bairstow (@anything) January 27, 2014

Ben Stokes James Taylor Jonny Bairstow Craig Kieswetter Brian Lara Tino Best Shaun Pollock Saqlain Mushtaq Jade Dernbach Chris Gayle Kemar Roach

Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket