Frenemies Reunited

Michael Beer’s selection is pure genius. I am in awe of the selectoral brilliance involved in such a decision. There seems to be a fair bit of negative chatter about how Australian selectors have lost the plot and just picked some random guy to play as the spinner. Nonsense. Cricket selection is not about numbers and form; it’s about gut feel and crazy hunches. And there is no one who has a smarter gut or crazier hunches than Greg Chappell.

Alan Tyers writes I had to admit, I am struggling to be professional here. I know I ought to write about England’s controlled excellence in all three disciplines of the game, admit that I was wrong to believe Andrew Strauss overcautious for batting into day four, commiserate with Stuart Broad and pontificate about whom Australia should select for Perth.

But all I can really express is sheer joy, and relief, that England can now begin to forget that Test in Adelaide four years ago, and the recurring nightmares it begat. Now, when our minds turn to that lovely ground in Australia, we will think not about Shane Warne rampant, or Colly’s wasted greatest hour, or England sleepwalking to shot-less disaster in the third innings. But rather of Ryan Harris’ king pair, Marcus North’s sad inadequacy, the last Test sighting of Xavier Doherty and Mr Cricket’s brainless pull on the fifth morning.

Jarrod Kimber writes When Test cricket gets boring, people need a team to lead the way, and yet again Australia have filled that breach. Adelaide is usually the most boring Test of the year, so much so that most of the fans were out the back sipping expensive alcohol in the members’, or drinking cheap alcohol in the general public. Those fans missed the show that Australia put on.

Instead of letting Adelaide drip towards a soggy draw, they did everything in their power to ensure this Test will have a result. Because for better or worse, Australia play result cricket. It’s all part of Tim Nielsen’s cunning plan. He knows England want draws, and he isn’t going to give them that option. Just writing it down makes me proud to be Australian. What a truly magnificent country we are.

Alan Tyers writes Am I surprised that the Australian public were turning to drink as the baggy green comedy troupe mounted another clown masterclass? Of course not: I have met many Australians before, and I know that turning to drink comes as naturally to them as wearing shorts at a formal event, working in a pub in West London or not reading a book. But even for a nation less determinedly dipsomaniac than our antipodean cousins, the performances of Simon “You Mean We Can Run If He Hits It?” Katich, Michael “Hit, Hope And Sob” Clarke, and Ricky “Don’t Hate Me Cos I’m Angry” Ponting would have sent patriots running for the beer tents.

Alan Tyers says Well, that was fun. There can’t be an English fan alive who didn’t enjoy the sight of Michael Clarke spilling his slip-catching practice, or Mitchell Johnson’s five-wides bouncer. Finally Steve Harmison can relax: at least his Brisbane nightmare ball went to second slip, not through second leg-slip.

After all we’ve put up with for the last couple of decades, watching Australia stumble through a second innings of 150 overs for one wicket (and that from danger man M North) was like watching the final 20 minutes of I Spit On Your Grave.

Jarrod Kimber says I’d heard a lot about NuEngland. A team so professional that it was impossible for them to fail. Toilet breaks were sorted into groups and then analysed by a backroom staff of thousands. Nothing could go wrong. This was the team that would finally end the torture in Australia.

And then I see them at the Gabba.

Alan Tyers says What makes a good captain?

Tactical nous? Man management? Creating an atmosphere where players can flourish? Leading the team on the field and off it? Dealing graciously with the media and the public? Even, dare I say it, being an ambassador for your sport and your country? Being worth your place in the side on wickets or runs alone?