'Sarah Taylor, can u teach me how to bat?'

The cry for help
Kevin Pietersen is looking forward to the many Ashes series that are coming up.

"ENG v AUS today.. Some early punches will be thrown in prep for next yrs double Ashes. Come on ENG! Wish I had a TV in the pool.."
@kevinpp24

Come on, Kev. It isn't that bad. There's no reason to attempt suicide.

The plea
Ramnaresh Sarwan was watching England Women v India Women.

"Sarah Taylor, can u teach me how to bat please!"
@ronniesarwan

The catastrophe
Nottinghamshire's Riki Wessels had to deal with disaster.

"Always disappointing dropping your biscuit in your tea #teafishing"
@RikiWessels

Serves you right. Biscuits have no place near tea. They are a dry food and they should be kept that way. Drink responsibly.

The footballers
MS Dhoni thinks Yuvraj Singh is a limited footballer.

"@YUVSTRONG12 am missing ur football for a long time now,the only footballer who handles every1 with his left leg only"
@msdhoni

However, Yuvraj was equally critical of Dhoni's approach to the game.

"@msdhoni hahahaha atleast I pass the ball with my left leg"

To be honest, they both sound like prima donnas. The team would be nothing without Sachin Tendulkar's harrying in midfield and the big number nine, Ishant Sharma, holding the ball up.

The Wimbledon outsider
Steven Finn claims he has a few tennis skills.

"They used to call me the drop shot king on the tennis courts around watford. My progress was hindered by an underarm 2nd serve. #village"
@finnysteve

The match report
Nathan Bracken missed Australia's loss to England in the second one-day international.

"Can someone please tell me what happened last night AUSvENG"
@NBRACKEN142

It sounds like his followers had strong feelings about it.

"Wow some very honest responses. Looks like we need to improve."

The water boy
Stuart Meaker gave a good account of himself during that match.

"Great win for the England boys tonight. Thought I out performed the others in carrying drinks. Very efficient and with speed too."
@SMeaker18

The celebrations
Two of the beneficiaries were pretty emotional after the win. Stuart Broad was pulling out all the stops.

"Amazing win Vs Australia at Lords today! Celebrating in a pretty rock n roll way- Million Pound Drop and a hot chocolate!"
@StuartBroad8

And so was Jimmy Anderson.

"@StuartBroad8 I've gone Die Hard and a Krispy Kreme! Watch out!"
@JimmyAnderson9

The film title
Derbyshire's Tony Palladino got a bit confused at the cinema.

"In the cinema about to watch spiderman and there's a man here wearing a full spiderman costume #diehard"
@APalladino

No, Tony - Spiderman. It was Jimmy Anderson who was watching Die Hard.

The opening hours
Marcus North was unaware of the UK's Sunday trading laws.

"Just turned up to a 24hr ASDA and they are closed? #shambles"
@Marcus_North

24/6, baby.

The stock
Ed Cowan's shopping experience was equally unsuccessful.

"Bris airport: sort it out. I can buy frozen abalone but not a toothbrush."
@eddiecowan

They only stock the essentials, Ed.

The kit
Ravi Bopara sustained an inexplicable minor injury.

"Manage to stab myself in the leg with a scalpel which was sticking out of my cricket bag."
@ravibopara

This does beg the question why there was a scalpel in his kit bag.

What's your philosophy?
Manoj Tiwary this week.

"Competitors take bad breaks and use them to drive themselves. Quitters take bad breaks & use them as reasons to give up"
@tiwarymanoj

Of course they do. They wouldn't be able to call themselves quitters otherwise. They'd be a disgrace to the quitter name were they to persevere in the face of adversity.

Getting to know God
Sachin Tendulkar: last sighted on 17th June 2012. Have we lost him? Has he got a collar and a name tag? Maybe we should print 'Have you seen this man?' signs and paste them around the neighbourhood along with a phone number. Someone might get in touch. We just want to know that he's okay really.