The wicket I took on a Test ground

I spent most of last week in bed, much of it with a temperature over 40, and while I'm on the mend now, for a couple of days I was very ill indeed. So ill that I could barely sit up, while my head was throbbing so much, my capacity to think so impaired, that I could do nothing much more than lie and whimper and stare at the ceiling.

Consciousness becomes a slippery beast in such circumstances: life becomes one long, disturbing nightmare. There was somebody called Bernard who kept trying to arrange things, and had a big blue circle with red and yellow markings to demonstrate what he wanted. Every time I had a flash of lucidity, I told myself Bernard didn't exist and that I was imagining him, and every time I drifted off, there he was again. What made it worse was that I was sure he was wrong.

For some reason Bernard disturbed me, so I began to try to focus on happier things, to force my brain along certain safe channels. The problem was that I couldn't really concentrate, so I'd be thinking about the outline of chapter five of my book on Argentinian football, or about the scene in Neighbours when Joe mistakenly thought Harold had made a move on Mrs Mangel, or about some ham I ate in Lisbon once, and there would be Bernard with his blue circle getting in the way. What I needed was something with a number of staging posts, so I could navigate from one to the next, pause, and start again. Which is probably why I ended up obsessing about the over.

In any realistic consideration, the six balls I bowled at the Brabourne Stadium in a game between the Authors XI and the Cricket Club of India last month were an irrelevance. We'd made 162 of 8 (of which I contributed an ungainly 26 not out) from our 25 overs, and they had blazed away to 154 for 1 after about a dozen when our captain, having nothing left to lose, threw me the ball.

I don't really bowl (I don't really bat for that matter, but that's easier to hide). Last season I think I got through a total of 14 overs, most of them to help the opposition set a score, but during the Cup of Nations in Equatorial Guinea, I practised a lot, bowling at a goalpost on the AstroTurf pitch outside the hotel. By the end, it was coming out okay, looping nicely and sometimes turning.

The situation at the Brabourne was perfect for me. A Test ground, the game already lost: even if I bowled two full tosses it would only hasten the end. There was no pressure. My first ball was short - probably because my overriding thought had been, "Make sure it pitches" - and was pulled for four.

My second, though, was probably the best ball I've ever bowled. It dipped, turned just enough, beat the inside edge and, to my mind, was fizzing into middle stump when the front pad intervened. Happily the whole over was recorded in a series of photographs taken from the end of the pavilion, so I can see my appeal, which was perhaps over-vociferous in the circumstances, half-crouching, left arm raised.

Not out. The photographs show an unhealthy level of disbelief and fury. They ran a leg-bye.

The next ball was a dot, and the one after worked into the off side for a single, so I had the same batsman back on strike. The fifth ball was much like the second. It dipped, turned a little more and was perhaps hitting leg when it struck the back pad. My appeal was even more vehement, ending with me down on my left knee, left arm fully extended. In all honesty, I think the ball may have been sliding down, but this time the finger went up, and I celebrated without dignity.

Me? A wicket on a Test ground? It was farcical, an aberration. And there are photographs. Memories, especially of sporting events, are often fleeting. You remember the feeling but not the aesthetic, but here it is, preserved for ever (or until the great digital meltdown when the oil runs out, at least). And the great thing is how professional it looks: the stands, the neatly cut strip, the vivid green of a well-maintained square, the umpire in white shirt and black trousers…

Did it matter? Of course not. It turned a nine-wicket defeat into an eight-wicket defeat. Perhaps it'll encourage me to take my bowling more seriously next season, but that's of dubious benefit. But what it did do was generate an anecdote and, as I've said before, that really is what amateur sport is all about. And last week, most importantly of all, it helped keep Bernard at bay.

Mumbai Indians (MI) secured the last remaining IPL 2025 playoffs spot thanks to a late onslaught from Suryakumar Yadav and Naman Dhir followed by crafty three-fors from Mitchell Santner and Jasprit Bumrah. Delhi Capitals, led by Faf du Plessis with regular captain Axar Patel ruled out by flu, were knocked out of contention. Having won each of their first four matches of the season, they have won just two of their next nine.

Put in to bat on a spin-friendly Wankhede Stadium pitch with rain on the cards, MI were in some trouble at 132 for 5 but Suryakumar and Dhir smacked 48 runs off the last two overs to lift them to 180.

DC's chase never got going with Faf du Plessis and KL Rahul falling cheaply. A comeback seemed to be on the cards, with Sameer Rizvi and Ashutosh Sharma putting on 38 as a drizzle began, but Santner ensured that it wasn't to be.

MI's innings started with Rohit Sharma and Ryan Rickelton punishing full balls in the first two overs before Mustafizur Rahman's angle away from Rohit's bat found the edge when he tried to drive him.

Vipraj Nigam, brought on in the fourth over, found turn but was pulled for two fours by Will Jacks when he dropped short. Jacks hit a four and a six in the next over, off Mustafizur, before Mukesh Kumar undid him by going pace-off in the sixth over, and Nigam completed the job with a good catch running back. MI finished the powerplay 54 for 2.

Suryakumar survived a top-edged sweep that landed safely behind short fine leg but Rickelton was less fortunate next ball as he toed his slog-sweep to deep backward square leg to hand Kuldeep Yadav his 100th IPL wicket.

Nigam mixed up his lengths and created two near-chances in the tenth over while Kuldeep bowled consistently and kept the batters quiet. DC gave away just 26 runs in the first four post-powerplay overs, leaving MI 80 for 3 at the halfway mark.

The return of pace helped MI release some pressure, with Tilak Varma lapping Dushmantha Chameera for six in the 11th over and Suryakumar stepping out to drive Mustafizur over mid-off for another maximum in the 14th. In between, though, Nigam and Kuldeep conceded just nine in two overs.

Suryakumar pulled Mukesh for four to start the 15th over, but Tilak fell four balls later, too early into a pull off a slower ball. When Hardik sliced a lofted drive to short third off Chameera in the 17th, MI were 123 for 5.

Suryakumar brought up a 36-ball fifty at the start of the 19th over, launching Mukesh over the covers for six. Then Dhir let loose, going 4, 6, 6, 4 to end a 27-run over, as Mukesh, suffering from cramps, missed three yorkers and then offered room when he went into the pitch.

The onslaught continued in the final over where Suryakumar dined on Chameera's pace-on offerings. This time, he farmed the strike and whacked two sixes over deep midwicket and two fours through the off side to finish on a high. A highlight was a dab off a near-perfect yorker that rolled wide of the keeper for four. Suryakumar scored 28 off the last eight balls of his innings, while Dhir walked off unbeaten on 24 off eight.

Suryakumar's unbeaten 73, meanwhile, was his 13th successive 25-plus score in T20s, a joint record alongside Temba Bavuma.

KL Rahul and du Plessis, DC's most experienced batters, made their intent clear by putting away the first balls they faced to the boundary. But their attack was shortlived as du Plessis holed out to long-on off a slower ball from Deepak Chahar and Rahul - who charged early and made too much room - was caught behind off Trent Boult.

Will Jacks spun his first ball square and then got one to go straight, beating Abishek Porel to have him stumped, a close call that went in the bowler's favour. Jacks then bowled a no-ball, which allowed the promoted Nigam to get off the mark with a six over cover.

Nigam hit three more fours in his next four balls, but with DC 49 for 3 at the end of the powerplay with all four of Bumrah's overs remaining, MI were well ahead.

Santner capitalised on MI's start and the conditions, ripping the ball away from Nigam's bat before firing the next one in quicker to have him caught and bowled. Bumrah then got an offcutter to beat Tristan Stubbs' inside edge to reduce DC to 65 for 5 in the tenth over.

DC seemed all but done when a drizzle began and eased things up a bit. Ashutosh whacked loopy deliveres from Karn Sharma for a four and a six in the 11th over, and Rizvi picked up another four in between when Jacks ran too in too far from long-off and overran the ball.

Santner then beat Ashutosh and almost had Rizvi caught and bowled but the batters survived, and DC kept chipping away, going past 100 in the 14th over. Their task was still steep, though: 78 off the last six overs.

With the drizzle in the background, Santner darted a full ball at Rizvi before slowing the pace down to 77kph to beat his sweep and hit middle stump. The game was effectively over three balls later when Santner had Ashutosh stumped. It was a juicy length ball angling in towards the stumps that spun away a mile and beat the inside-out drive.

Santner's three-for came at the cost of just 11 runs in four overs, the joint-fewest conceded by a spinner in an IPL match at Wankhede. Bumrah and Karn then cleaned up the tail, helping MI qualify for the playoffs for the 11th time in 18 seasons.