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We haven't even entered the business end of the tournament yet, but it's already obvious that World Cup 2015 is a rousing success. Whether it has been the gritty competitiveness displayed by the Associate teams (especially when playing against each other), the generally impressive attendance records (especially when Associate teams aren't playing each other), or the number of people apparently willing to don a bright orange shirt with a bulls-eye painted on it in the hope of getting struck by a cricket ball in exchange for cold hard cash, things are going swimmingly. But if there's one thing that can be said to have epitomised just how well it has all gone so far, it is the astonishing fact that players continue to be able to successfully count down from ten on the big screen before the start of each match.

This staggering feat naturally continues to impress one and all, but it is by no means as simple and streamlined as it looks.

"A lot of effort goes on behind the scenes in making each big-screen countdown successful," admits one Bill Vickery, tournament organiser. "You have to understand that these are professional cricketers who are paid obscene amounts of money. One doesn't just assume that they are going to be able to spell their own names, let alone count backwards."

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce the future of English cricket: the Mooresbot 1992."

There was a modest ripple of applause around the auditorium. A small robot trundled on to centre stage from the wings. It bumped into the podium. It reversed. It bumped into the podium again. It reversed. It was about to bump into the podium again when the ECB man intervened and righted it.

It began speaking in a metallic drone.

This column very rarely focuses on the cricket itself because despite promising to offer you an insight into the lives of professional sportsmen, all Twitter really seems to deliver is news about what they have been eating and exposure to their nauseating attempts at "banter". However, it's hard to ignore England's World Cup exit.

Or is it? In the immediate aftermath of their defeat to Bangladesh, the players were strikingly quiet. Other than an apology from Ravi Bopara - who didn't even play in this tournament - no one had much to say.

In the absence of the players, Jonathan Agnew was reduced to talking to animals about the defeat.

England fan happy he's not supposed to care about ODI cricket
An England caught himself in the nick of time from lapsing into despondency over his team's poor showing in yet another World Cup by reminding himself that England fans don't care about ODI cricket.

"That was close!" admitted a relieved Paul Brown immediately after England's crushing defeat to Sri Lanka, which left them wallowing at the bottom of their table. "I was almost at the point of letting decades of pent-up frustration at our failures at World Cups get the better of me by shoving my hands violently into the pockets of my shorts and exhaling rather loudly through my nose, but I managed to remind myself that in the greater scheme of things, ODI cricket just doesn't count, at least not to English fans."

Brown said that having experienced the epiphany, he was then immediately able to relax and not give in to what he called "dangerous thoughts", such as why he had spent all that money coming to Australia in support of such a team, and whether Kevin Pietersen's presence in it might have made a difference after all.

At a hastily convened press conference, the ICC today confirmed that the 2019 World Cup would indeed be a ten-team tournament unless they changed their minds.

A spokesman said that the format was already set in stone, but that a review was underway looking into whether that stone could be replaced with an entirely different stone.

"As everyone is aware, we're very keen to move towards a three-team World Cup in which England get knocked out in the round-robin stage before a best-of-nine final between India and Australia. We feel that a ten-team tournament in 2019 presents a great stepping stone towards that ultimate goal.

Investigate the possibility of moving the World Cup to Qatar, where extreme heat and sand could be a big leveller and certainly cause a few problems for feared opponents like Scotland, Ireland, Guatemala.

Handicap system for World Cup matches, with "Big Three" teams allowed 100-run head-start in order to ensure the right teams get through big-money TV rounds.

In an innovative move, the ICC today announced the 2023 World Cup will be staged in Lapland during winter. Drawing inspiration from FIFA's decision to shift their Qatar 2022 tournament to December, chief executive Dave Richardson said the idea of holding the event in a country synonymous with the festive season was, as he put it, "a logical way for cricket to build on the immense public approval football has received for playing its World Cup final in a desert at Christmas".

Given the daylight hours in Lapland at the time the competition is due to be held, Richardson also said it was an exciting opportunity to showcase the first ever night-night ODIs.

The news has understandably drawn ire from numerous quarters, however, with many suggesting Lapland may have rigged the selection process by bribing senior ICC officials with presents, although this allegation has been firmly denied. Speaking from a gold-plated sedan lined with husky fur and mounted on a troupe of reindeer, one official denied anything improper had taken place: "My new elf-shaped diamond cufflinks are mere baubles," he explained.

What's the score?

On a recent evening I found myself browsing the LinkedIn website. And taking inappropriate amounts of pleasure in noting that many people I used to work with in the past are now doing terribly in their careers. Some are doing so badly that they haven't even bothered to update their profiles since July 2012.

This in itself is not noteworthy. All of us have gone through such moments in our lives, when the only thing holding one together after some crisis is the limitless delight on seeing that Saravana Kumar, who once arranged an 11-hour conference call during one's 24-hour-long honeymoon, has recently been appointed "Lead Evangelist (After Sales)" at ThunderWithin Colonic Irrigation Private Ltd.

But what made my perusal of career catastrophes pertinent was that I was doing this during the India versus Misbah World Cup match.