The Heavy Ball

This, that and the other. Mostly the other

Stuart and Ash

Lamb b Akram 31, Lewis b Akram 0

Unlike others, our commentary duo weren't at a loss for words as they watched England being bamboozled by Akram in 1992

Alex Bowden

Comments: 13 | Text size: A | A
Wasim Akram is on fire as he takes Allan Lamb out, immediately before taking Chris Lewis' wicket, Pakistan v England, World Cup final, Melbourne, 25 March, 1992
Wasim Akram: wayward but lucky © Getty Images
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Stuart: 141 for 4 and Lamb and Fairbrother have rebuilt well here in the 1992 World Cup final.

Ash: They've dug in.

Stuart: Imran's now turned to his strike bowler, Wasim Akram. I guess he's looking for a wicket, Ash? This partnership is now worth 72.

Ash: Wasim'll want to keep it tight.

Stuart: But he's looking for wickets, surely?

Ash: Well, you know, keep it tight, build pressure. Wait for the batsman to make a mistake.

Stuart: Do you not expect something more than that from a bowler like Asif Wakram?

Ash: He wants to mix it up. Use his change-ups. Bowl a few slower bouncers. Back-of-the-hand deliveries, knuckle balls, cutters.

Stuart: I guess that's modern one-day bowling.

Ash: He wants to take the pace off the ball. Give the batsman nothing to work with.

Stuart: Wasaq Asiram runs in and... Oh my!

Ash: Ooh, he's got away with that one.

Stuart: Wasraf's bowled an astonishing delivery there. Going round the wicket, he's angled the ball into Allan Lamb's pads. The batsman's played straight, but the ball's curved away, beaten the bat and knocked back the off stump.

Ash: Very lucky. Very lucky, indeed. If that ball hadn't swung in that outrageous fashion, that would have surely been a single at least. Possibly two.

Stuart: But it did swing. It swung a lot.

Ash: But what if it didn't, Stu? What if it didn't? A single would have eased the pressure on the batsman.

Stuart: Well, I think that was pretty special bowling from Waqar Asimov.

Ash: We'll agree to disagree here, Stu. I thought it was a shocking delivery.

Stuart: So Chris Lewis is the next batsman in. What's Wameez Kamran going to try and do now? How's he going to dismiss Lewis Chris?

Ash: He's got to keep it tight. No more four-balls like that last one. No more easy runs for the batsman. The game's going to get away from Pakistan if he keeps bowling like that.

Stuart: Wakram runs in and... Blimey!

Ash: Oh, this is shocking bowling. Just shocking.

Stuart: If anything, that delivery was even more astounding than the last.

Ash: He's plumbing the depths here.

Stuart: When that ball left his hand, it looked for all the world like it was going to be an off-side wide.

Ash: His line's all over the place.

Stuart: But it swung in a mile. Lou Isskriss stepped right across - we could see leg stump, in fact - and I don't know if he was going to play a shot at first.

Ash: He was going to take the wide.

Stuart: As the ball swung in, he realised he had to play, but it was too late and I think the ball actually struck middle.

Ash: I've seen club cricketers bowl tighter lines than that.

Stuart: Lou Isskriss can't believe what's happened there. The last two deliveries have set off in completely different directions and yet both have ultimately arrived at the stumps, evading the bat en route.

Ash: Pakistan might as well just give up now if the lad's going to carry on bowling like this.

Stuart: Why don't you take a great big mouthful of battenburg, Ash?

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket.
All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?

Tell us what you think. Send us your feedback

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Comments: 13 
Posted by Hummi on (November 13, 2011, 10:59 GMT)

nice one! Great job! Do i now have more than 25 chaacters now?? yesss click it offf

Posted by Steggz on (November 12, 2011, 12:12 GMT)

Gold. Just pure gold. 'Pedestrian' bowling like this has gone unchecked for far too long! What if it didn't swing? A question that will never be answered...

Posted by kunal83 on (November 11, 2011, 4:22 GMT)

putting the funny in cricket, well done.

Posted by Shanks... on (November 10, 2011, 23:25 GMT)

We had some dumbass commentators, but stuart and ash are the master of all...

Posted by   on (November 10, 2011, 23:00 GMT)

hahahaha =) funi ... !! asif wakram =)

Posted by tammimi2010 on (November 10, 2011, 22:13 GMT)

okkkaaaaaaaaay!!! way to go...simply awesome! I mean I must say normally I do not like your work...but heck...this one is the "Mona Lisa" of cricinfo!

Posted by   on (November 10, 2011, 16:43 GMT)

You are making fun of one of the greatest fast bowlers of all time. The first one to take 500 wickets in ODI's and the first one to take more than 400 wickets in both formats of cricket and the first bowler to take 900 international wickets.Allan Lamb was a good batsman in ODI's and Chris Lewis was a bits and pieces player , but both of them will never be able to hold a candle to Wasim .But for injuries and being a diabetic , he would possibly have ended his career with 1200 international wickets. Englishmen are famous for their sarcastic humour when all is lost . Good luck and can you guys also write a piece on Mike Gatting's reverse sweep in the 1987 world cup final?This forced you guys to bow down to the old enemy .Your gallows humour will make interesting reading!

Posted by   on (November 10, 2011, 16:39 GMT)

Excellent is one word to describe this piece. Greattttt

Posted by   on (November 10, 2011, 16:23 GMT)

Although its suppose to be humorous, but, this sentence summed the genius of Akram "the last two deliveries have set off in completely different directions, yet both have arrived at the stumps". Akram had told in an article, that Fairbrother told Lamb to be very careful when Akram would bowl from around, as Fairbrother pointed out exactly what could happen, at which Lamb just chuckled, thinking how would a bowl from a left hander, around the wkt would pitch to come in to him, but would actually move away from him at the last moment, but, then Lamb actually found that out, and while walking away he looked at Fairbrother speechlessly, as if saying "why didn't I believe you?" The second ball was a length in-swinger, which moved miles from the edge of the pitch and rattled the stumps. Akram was a magician!

Posted by   on (November 10, 2011, 13:35 GMT)

salam and thanks for this funny piece of //////. man awesome job..but can you tell me who is this guy asif wakram .hahah but good job brother .one thing you should have to write ash.am i dreaming .or some one did bowled ball of century...

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