Alex Bowden

How to tell if you're watching the IPL or county cricket

'Me hungry!'

'You can't have tea tea'

'I think Hughesy has something wrong with his bum'

'Mango pickle, tomato pickle, garlic pickle, they're all good'

'Fingers crossed for a bit of Whitesnake and Bon Jovi'

'Early morning movements'

'If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, then you are wrong'

'No weapon that is formed against me shall prosper'

'Just tried to kiss my brother. Got rejected'

'I don't think it's sad that I bought a Women's Weekly'

'Having some shrimp'

'Never fly a toy helicopter into a wig'

'Can't wait till I get some socks and undies from my parents'

'Bought Mum an iron in the hope that she starts to enjoy doing my ironing'

'Every time I wash my car, the rain falls'

'Do you think I should cut my hair?'

'I hereby christen my new mystery ball Enrico Pallazzo'

'I've never seen a wicket turning or seaming'

The bowler who wiped the smile off batsmen's faces