Alex Bowden

'They didn't have the women's pink Dove bottle you wanted'

'Does this make Obama the first and second black president now?'

'I'm gonna need to embrace this jetlag today'

Is he any good?

'About to smash a butter chicken, with 4000 pieces of garlic naan'

'Shall I have my sausages now or wait until morning?'

'Why does this X Box sound possessed by a ten-year-old?'

'I didn't pick up the courage to spoon him, though'

'I'm so hungry I could eat my own spaghetti bolognese'

'The wolves were right behind me, inches certain death!'

The lazy pundit's guide to why your team lost

'The asparagus I had has made my pee stink'

'Wisden down underpants time'

'Straussy bought a dog last year'

'R we rubbing off on each other 4 good or bad?'

Meet KP's advisors

'Does George Michael look like Merv Hughes?'

'Sorry London for my mum's escalator positioning'

A Scottish gaze at the Ashes

'1 min to live. Get to tv sets'