The Heavy Ball
Pollard, Prasad and the Night of the Flying Ants
Prodigies, insects, sagas and a minister of state all feature in our look back at the highlights of the month gone by
S Aga
02-Nov-2009
The Second Childhood of the Month
Hamilton Masakadza, once the youngest maker of an ODI hundred, slipped quietly back into prodigy mode in October. So what if it was against Bangladesh and Kenya: you can't sneeze at nearly 600 runs at 85, including two 150s.
Hamilton Masakadza, once the youngest maker of an ODI hundred, slipped quietly back into prodigy mode in October. So what if it was against Bangladesh and Kenya: you can't sneeze at nearly 600 runs at 85, including two 150s.
The Odd Couple of the Month
India's minister of state for external affairs, Twitter-enthusiast and unrepentant patron of five-star hotels, Shashi Tharoor, and veteran Scottish Formula One driver David Coulthard were the star attractions at the Victoria-Delhi Daredevils Champions League game. Chaperoned about with avuncular pride by Lalit Modi.
India's minister of state for external affairs, Twitter-enthusiast and unrepentant patron of five-star hotels, Shashi Tharoor, and veteran Scottish Formula One driver David Coulthard were the star attractions at the Victoria-Delhi Daredevils Champions League game. Chaperoned about with avuncular pride by Lalit Modi.
The Celebration of the Month
Also involving Mr Modi, who strode out beaming, waving a Trinidad and Tobago flag, after that country's team won their Champions League semi-final against the Cape Cobras. And to prove just how big a deal it was, the camera reverently cut to him, away from the T&T players.
Full postAlso involving Mr Modi, who strode out beaming, waving a Trinidad and Tobago flag, after that country's team won their Champions League semi-final against the Cape Cobras. And to prove just how big a deal it was, the camera reverently cut to him, away from the T&T players.
Tim Nielsen and the art of the good areas
A cliché contest thought up by Australia's coach? Go on, pull the other one
Sidharth Monga
31-Oct-2009
Thank you Greg Baum and Will Swanton for pointing me to the first bit of fun of this series. To Tim Nielsen's blog, (edited since, alas) where he talked of a cliché contest among the Australian team during the media interviews at the start of the tour. Seriously?
Well, actually Daniel Brettig, a travelling journalist from Australia, did vaguely mention the contest earlier. But I found it ridiculous that Nielsen, the undisputed champion of the Super Bowl of Clichés, should be holding such a contest. I can't get over the face of a colleague who almost threw up in a Mohali press conference room last year at Nielsen's repeated use of "we are behind the eight ball". I mean, you don't say Timmy.
"… The media circus rolled on with our open media session," Nielsen wrote, exclamation marks and all. He also counted the number of cameras and journalists present at their arrival press conference. "… As I'm sure you can imagine, with so many interviews you tend to get asked the same question over and over, and we had a bit of a competition running to see who could work the most sporting clichés into one answer. Surprisingly, big SOS [Shaun] Marsh won the competition with a particularly cliché-filled interview with one Indian journalist - he just took it one day at a time and kept his eye very firmly on the ball!"
Full postThe dead-rubber World Cup, pointless 50-run stands, and the Vettori of the Year
The ICC's latest dazzling innovation, the revival of an ancient Indian art, and the one award that fits all
Anand Ramachandran
30-Oct-2009
In a shocking mix-up that's sure to have major implications on cricket, the ICC has totally misunderstood Ricky Ponting's views on dead-rubber ODIs and have introduced the world's first dead-rubber international world cup.
According to the new tournament rules, eight of the world's top cricketing nations will play each other in a league stage consisting entirely of meaningless dead-rubber matches. The four best teams will then play the two semi-finals and the final, which will also be dead rubbers. The tournament winner will then be decided by a draw of lots.
"This is the first in a long list of initiatives from the ICC to revitalise cricket, based on feedback from the game's many stakeholders, including players, boards, the media and fans," said an ICC spokesman, pulling a rabbit out of his hat for effect. Explaining some of the future plans the ICC has in store for the game, he said, "We all know that fans come to see fours and sixes, so in the future we'll be introducing a new format that will eliminate those pesky singles, twos and dot balls, and will consist solely of boundary hits."
Full postThank you, Lalit
Just how cool is Mr Modi? For being impervious to embarrassment, latching on to T&T, and allowing us to laugh at IPL teams, very cool indeed
Jarrod Kimber
24-Oct-2009
During the semi-final between Trinidad & Tobago and the Cape Cobras (wouldn't it be cooler if they were Caped Cobras?) I watched Lalit Modi sign autographs. Schmooze with other men in suits. And wave the Trinidad & Tobago flag like he actually supported them. I still don't understand why I haven't seen him kiss any babies.
In almost every way Lalit is the trendy conservative candidate that you try not to like, but who still sucks you in. He is the Ricky Ponting of sports admin.
This league of champions, runners up and teams who aren't from Pakistan looked like it was going to be an event solely for IPL owners to show off their teams like cheap gangsta bling. Another reason for IPL owners to invest in their team to get maximum exposure for the shareholders. Instead, and probably entirely accidentally, it has become a tournament where the "real" teams have come out on top.
Full postThe square cut that shook Parliament
Plus the advent of the exciting, revolutionary new 20-50 format
Anand Ramachandran
23-Oct-2009
Barely days after the match-fixing murmurs and the related Younis Khan resignation episode have died down, Pakistan cricket has once again been plunged into controversy, intrigue and scandal. This time it's keeper-batsman Kamran Akmal who is at the centre of the storm - a parliamentary commitee has been formed to conduct an enquiry into a poor square cut played by Akmal during the recently concluded Champions Trophy in South Africa.
"The whole stroke was suspiciously lacking in technique. Kamran's weight was, rather dubiously, not completely transferred to the back foot, causing him to be completely off balance when playing the shot. Not only that, the ball was suspiciously close to his body, cramping him up and forcing him to make contact too high up on the blade. Such faulty technique from an experienced international batsman is definitely fishy - we are sure that bookies have played a role," thundered a senior parliamentarian, who will not be named since he is a senior parliamentarian. "Such a poorly executed cut shot is a betrayal of the faith shown by loyal cricket fans of Pakistan," he bellowed, before irrelevantly adding, "Hey! Did you know that if you turn Mohammad Yousuf's photo upside down, he looks like one of those Buckingham Palace guards? Hyok!"
Kamral Akmal has refuted the allegations strongly. "This is nonsense. Are they saying bookies are paying players just to play bad shots? Then Ashish Nehra alone would cause economic upheaval in South-East Asia," he pointed out. Akmal also angrily resigned as captain of the Pakistan team. The board has rejected his resignation on the grounds that he wasn't captain in the first place. "Oh! Er, my bad," said a sheepish Akmal in response, admitting that he had got the idea from Younis Khan.
Full postThe great bench-warming crisis
Plus: the hottest innovation in cricket broadcasting, and a heinous scandal
Anand Ramachandran
13-Oct-2009
With the ICC Champions Trophy finally drawing to a close and action shifting to the Champions League in India, there has been no surfeit of happenings in the cricket world - ranging from the heartbreaking to the bizarre to the sinister.
The Delhi Daredevils have admitted that they're sorely missing the services of England's Paul Collingwood, who was their leading bench warmer during the IPL. "It's hard enough to find replacements for quality players like Daniel Vettori and AB de Villiers, but it's virtually impossible to find quality bench-warmers these days. Colly did a fantastic job for us during the IPL, and it's hard managing without him," said a glum-sounding Daredevils skipper Gautam Gambhir.
Gambhir was quick to praise Collingwood's commitment, saying, "He was willing to bench-warm through the injury, but the team management didn't want to risk aggravating his buttock strain - this is the muscle most used in bench warming, and we didn't want to jeopardise his future career performing this vital function for Daredevils, and indeed for England."
Full postHarmy get your gun
In which a former England hero takes recourse to violence
Alex Bowden
12-Oct-2009
Some newspapers have described Steve Harmison as "fuming" at his omission from England's winter squads and we can only think that a rogue adjective has escaped from an old Glenn McGrath article. Harmison doesn't fume. He rolls his eyes and looks a bit tired. Occasionally he looks tetchy or irritable, but we can't really recall ever seeing him fuming.
Harmison previously said that he would retire from international cricket if he wasn't selected in England's winter squads. "He didn't mention that to me at all, but obviously that opportunity is there for him," said England's national selector, Geoff Miller.
You'd think that "opportunity" was always available, which makes it seem like less an opportunity and more an order - perhaps one backed up by a vague threat of physical violence. We've an image of Geoff Miller silhouetted in a doorway, flanked by ECB henchmen. He walks in, hands Harmison a loaded revolver and says: "Go on, do the decent thing. You know it's the right decision."
Full postThe tournament with an asterisk in the title
No Pakistan, alas, but at least everyone's favourite uncle is around
Jarrod Kimber
08-Oct-2009
I am genuinely excited about the Champions League. No, really. I am Victorian and for too long Victorians have struggled to show their wares outside the odd game for Australia or England. Now they get a chance to play against the best other domestic teams of the world.
That doesn't mean the tournament is perfect. The marketing is incorrectly playing on the name of the tournament. "Only Champions. Only the Best."
Only Champions? That isn't true. Runners-ups are playing too. Lots of them, some of them are good, others are Somerset.
Full postI'm a cricketer, get me out of here
The next world champions will be decided by a TV reality show
Anand Ramachandran
06-Oct-2009
With cricket facing a number of challenges, such as low stadium attendances, falling television ratings, and England, the ICC has come up with a novel way of coping with the first two. From next year, the sport's august body has decided to dispense with cricket matches altogether, and decide the world's champion team by means of a TV reality show.
"We've listened carefully to the complaints from fans. They feel Test cricket is boring, ODIs are meaningless, and Twenty20 is just pyjama cricket. So we've realised that people actually don't like cricket at all," said ICC chairman David Morgan, explaining the decision. "We're hoping that the decision to bypass any actual cricket altogether and go with the internationally proven 'reality show' format will help increase viewership and revive our coffers… er, the game," he added.
The show will feature the world's leading cricketers competing for supremacy by indulging in thrilling activities such as sitting around in a locked house, burning toast, demonstrating their fear of lizards, competing for the affections of a B-list celebrity, and saying mean things about each other. The winner will be decided by audience voting - which virtually ensures that, unlike at actual cricket tournaments, India will win every time.
Full postStraussy, Dhoni, Swanny (and a singing lady)
... are just some of the protagonists who feature in our look back at the Champions Trophy so far
S Aga
02-Oct-2009
The Prurient Philosopher of the Fortnight
Gary Kirsten turned into a blend of John Buchanan and Henry Miller and slipped his wards a dossier that exhorted them to score if they wanted to score. Very zen. As the collected works of Donna Summer blared in the background (or something).
Gary Kirsten turned into a blend of John Buchanan and Henry Miller and slipped his wards a dossier that exhorted them to score if they wanted to score. Very zen. As the collected works of Donna Summer blared in the background (or something).
The Batman Villain of the Fortnight
Andrew Strauss, with a little nudge from the ghost of The Oval 2008, gave chivalry a good name by calling Angelo Mathews back to the crease after he was run out following a collision with Graham Onions. Especially admirable considering Mathews would have been miles short even if there had been no collision. Then, realising his conduct was unbecoming of a real man, Strauss whipped a Two-Face mask from his pocket and refused a cramping Graeme Smith a runner in the closing stages of a match. Fitting-closure fan Daniel Vettori, meanwhile, chose to turn an unshaven cheek by recalling Paul Collingwood (the unyielding captain at the centre of that Oval saga) after he was run out off a ball he thought was dead.
Andrew Strauss, with a little nudge from the ghost of The Oval 2008, gave chivalry a good name by calling Angelo Mathews back to the crease after he was run out following a collision with Graham Onions. Especially admirable considering Mathews would have been miles short even if there had been no collision. Then, realising his conduct was unbecoming of a real man, Strauss whipped a Two-Face mask from his pocket and refused a cramping Graeme Smith a runner in the closing stages of a match. Fitting-closure fan Daniel Vettori, meanwhile, chose to turn an unshaven cheek by recalling Paul Collingwood (the unyielding captain at the centre of that Oval saga) after he was run out off a ball he thought was dead.
The Bowler of the Fortnight
Rana Naved-ul Hasan, who in the closing stages of Pakistan's game against Australia bowled 20 excruciatingly well-pitched yorkers, legcutters, inswingers, slower ones and other allsorts in a row, for the cost of one run.
Full postRana Naved-ul Hasan, who in the closing stages of Pakistan's game against Australia bowled 20 excruciatingly well-pitched yorkers, legcutters, inswingers, slower ones and other allsorts in a row, for the cost of one run.
Most Read
Writers