The Heavy Ball
Alas, poor Dravid
He's a world-beating No. 3, but Dravid is doomed to forever be the man behind the man
Jarrod Kimber
24-Nov-2009
Being the man behind the man is not always fun.
Ask Robin. He had the crappy lines, often stuffed up, had a stupid costume, and more often than not had people cast aspersions about his sexuality. On the other hand Batman got the ladies, looked cool in black, was allowed to be moody without being called on it, and kicked ass in hand-to-hand combat.
Rahul Dravid has been the man behind the man his entire career.
Full postSachin's greatest challenges, and Sri Lanka's initial advantage
A few things Tendulkar will struggle to achieve, Kapil's doctorate, and the boy who saw it like a football
Anand Ramachandran
20-Nov-2009
After all the limited-overs frenzy in recent weeks, cricket has seen a rather sedate fortnight, with the only real highlight being the 20th anniversary of Sachin Tendulkar's international debut.
"Wow, two whole decades! Do you realise that when I started playing, Ian Bishop still had hair while Harsha Bhogle didn't?" quipped a relaxed-looking Tendulkar at an informal press meet. Tendulkar dwelt on how cricket has changed in the 20 years since he arrived on the scene as a cherubic teenager.
"Back then, T20 was a seat number at the Wankhede, South Africa wasn't playing international cricket, and nobody in the Indian team really understood what K Srikkanth was saying. Now T20 is becoming the sport's most popular and lucrative format, South Africa is a top international side, and nobody in the whole world really understands what K Srikkanth is saying," he reminisced with a nostalgic smile. He also agreed that the last mentioned problem could be solved fairly reliably by simply assuming that Srikkanth was saying "Did you know that Sachin played first under my captaincy?" which is the case approximately 63% of the time.
Full postMediocrity, the new final frontier
Why it's a massive honour to be considered for a second-string performance-squad spot
Alex Bowden
19-Nov-2009
The great thing about England's Performance Programme is that you know exactly where you are in the pecking order. We can't all be Jonathan Bairstow or Adam Wheater, mixing it in the higher echelons of England Performance Programme Squad Category C. If everyone in categories A and B gets injured, these players know that they could find themselves representing England Lions and from there, it's a short step to carrying the drinks in a one-day international. They're the lucky few and some of us have more realistic aims.
I myself felt spectacularly honoured to be included in England Second Stream Performance Programme Squad Category PH41-N. It's a great opportunity for me and I'm sure it will bring my game on in leaps and bounds. My inclusion was something of a surprise, being as I haven't played any competitive cricket for around 15 years - but that's the great thing about the England cricket system: no one slips through the net.
Apparently I owe my inclusion to a tip-off from a guy who used to turn out for Whalley Range Cricket Club about one Saturday in three, when a lot of the better players were on holiday. He spotted me and thought that I had some skill, tipped off the ECB and they got in touch. When he saw me, I was waiting for my bacon sandwich in the shop on the corner and I mimed an off-drive with the back of my hand representing the bat. He thought I had good technique and the ECB considered him a good judge.
Full postThe joke's on Pakistan
The country's cricket is not a mystery, as has long been claimed, it is a farce
Imran Yusuf
17-Nov-2009
There is a mythology about Pakistan cricket which is often swallowed whole even by those normally allergic to hazy romanticism. Something about our team being mercurial, passionate, and above all instinctive. It's all very exciting, apparently. Lots of thrills and spills. (Spills aplenty if Salman Butt is fielding.) And so it goes, that Pakistan cricket is a fascination, an eternal conundrum. The riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma concealed within a murky crotch guard.
Well, frankly, balls to that. I've had enough and I don't buy it anymore. Let's discard the ethereal mumbo jumbo and get down to the facts, the material, the bodily. Shahid Afridi play-slapped Saeed Ajmal in the first Twenty20 against New Zealand but caught the poor
offspinner under the eye with a stray fingernail. And that's how I feel: cut up. Fingered, nailed, screwed over. Following my team of late has been a serious pain in the Ijaz (I allude here, of course, to Butt the Bigger.)
So let's get real. The myths have grown old, tired, and untrue. Like we did with Thor, Zeus, and Sohail Khan's talent, we the human race must stop seeing things that don't exist. Too often we look upon Pakistan cricket as some kind of enchanting, exotic, unfolding narrative of the "heat and dust" variety. Cunning and plotting is just part of the wily native's repertoire, brainless batting is just an expression of uninhibited physicality, serial no-balling is just a natural indifference towards imposed rules and regulations.
Full postHussey must go
Mr Cricket has gone from George Clooney to Vince Vaughn and it's not funny anymore
Jarrod Kimber
16-Nov-2009
No, this is not happening. I can't do this anymore, I want out.
It has gotten to the point where I hear his name and I throw chairs, abuse random strangers and consider prison sentences.
The name is Mike Hussey.
Full postKeeper by day, rapper by night
Why Brad Haddin's stand-in is actually a world-famous hip-hop star
Andrew Fernando
13-Nov-2009
Subcontinent cricketers have long been considered the rock stars of the international game. Most Asian teams of the last decade seem to be burdened to the brim with a bevy of positively boisterous personalities, all vying for the rampant adulation of the masses.
There's the chronically hyperactive turban-wielding vortex that is Harbhajan. Then there's the Mick Jagger of the cricketing world: Sanath Jayasuriya. Slashing and pulling just as hard as in his heyday, but not having produced anything of note… well, for a while now. And of course there is Mr Akhtar, whose rock-star antics and enthusiasm for fine legs and attractive strokeplay have landed him an unrivalled place in the annals of groin-burning infamy. In addition to this there is Sreesanth, pelvic thruster extraordinaire; Lasith Malinga, lord of planet Slingon; and Boom Boom Afridi, the walking nuclear barrage with - and it cannot be mentioned enough - a head of hair thicker than a rugby league team after game day.
But it seems the days when players from the subcontinent claimed a monopoly on cricket stardom are numbered. There is a whole host of larger-than-life cricketers hailing from all over the place. Jesse Ryder, the Kiwi party boy, certainly knows how to throw his weight around both on and off the field. The England team should really give in to advertisers' demands and rename themselves "The Freddie and KP Show". And most recently, the Aussies have cunningly hired a popular hip-hop artist to pose as their back-up wicketkeeper - to appeal to a younger generation of cricket lovers, I can only assume. I am talking, of course, about one Mr Tim Paine. Or should that be multi-platinum selling, Grammy award-winning R&B star T-Pain?
Full postCrate expectations
England have a masterplan to stop their South African-born players from defecting. It involves large wooden boxes
Alex Bowden
12-Nov-2009
With Andrew Strauss, Kevin Pietersen, Matt Prior and now Jonathan Trott in their line-up, England are heavily reliant on South African-born batsmen. As a tour of that country begins, are England at all worried that these players might run away?
Head coach Andy Flower has few concerns. "Obviously, with any tour, there's always going to be a danger of one of the cricketers escaping. All we can do is take the proper precautions, act sensibly and everything should be okay."
But surely this tour is more problematic than most, with the likes of Pietersen and Trott pining for biltong and wide-open spaces. Won't they become more difficult to contain if they're exposed to these temptations?
Full postThe might of the mo
Why the decline of Australian cricket can be traced to the lack of facial hair among the country's players
Jarrod Kimber
06-Nov-2009
Australians clearly believe in the power of the Moustache. Not only do their fans still idolise players who once had the hirsute upper lip, but two of their selectors were these men. David Boon and Merv
Hughes.
Cricket Australia believes in Merv's moustache so much that they don't even care that he doesn't have pay TV, and thusly can't see any overseas cricket he isn't touring for. That is some special
moustache. Merv thinks that watching the cricket on TV is no substitute for being there. He could be right. However, it is surely 100 times better than getting all the information on other games from
the selector who is there rather than seeing it with your eyes. Especially if the other selector has a hairless face.
Rather than cracking down on Merv for his poor viewing habits as a selector, or throwing him a couple of dollars for a pay-TV subscription, Cricket Australia is honouring Merv in November. In
fact it is honouring all cricket moustaches and openly asking for all cricketers in Australia, regardless of their level, to grow a moustache.
Full postIndia's sponsor sponsors
Who'll foot the bill for the ones footing the bill for the BCCI? And an (almost) unique opportunity courtesy Australia's injuries
Anand Ramachandran
05-Nov-2009
The BCCI's bid to secure a record-breaking sponsorship deal for the Team India t-shirts has led to the unprecedented situation of potential sponsors looking for sponsorship themselves to raise funds for the purpose. Present sponsor Sahara India, whose deal runs out this year, have admitted that they have approached interested parties to sponsor their sponsorship of the Indian team.
"Eight hundred crores is a lot of money, and in these financially difficult times, we have no option but to try and raise the money through sponsorship. We have approached entities with sufficient budgets, such as the World Bank and the nation of France to try and clinch a deal," said a spokesman for Sahara. In return for their sponsorship of Sahara's sponsorship of the India team jerseys, the sponsors will get the rights to display their branding prominently on all the legal documents, stationery, rubber stamps, coffee mugs, staplers and other assorted paraphernalia used while working out the sponsorship deal. They will also be able to display branding on the attire and personal belongings of sundry marketing executives, lawyers, accountants and administrative staff involved in the process, for the entire duration of the sponsorship period.
"Hey, they're getting a great deal - at least they won't have to deal with all the negative backlash when the team gets thumped. We're taking all the risk here. Hello?" said the spokesman in a mocking tone, when someone questioned the value the sponsors would be getting.
Full postGreat at eight
Why are the best batsmen to be found at No. 8 these days?
Alex Bowden
04-Nov-2009
In a batting line-up, positions eight and nine used to be reserved for bowlers who could correctly identify a bat handle given three guesses, some helpful clues and a bit of conspicuous labelling. But those days are gone. Nowadays some serious batsmen ply their trade in that strange land between the lower order and the tail. They might play across the line as often as Merv Hughes called Mike Atherton "arsewipe", but like Merv, ugly-yet-effective is what today's eights and nines are all about.
India's eight and nine combined to great effect in the first one-day international against Australia. Harbhajan Singh hit 49 off 31 balls, while Praveen Kumar hit 40 not out off 32. Granted, the Shane Watson Pie Delivery Service was fulfilling more orders than normal, but each still needed putting away and the pair of them tucked in like shortcrust connoisseurs holidaying in Wigan. Or perhaps Watson was working to a plan to have them caught at deep extra cover or cow corner, in which case this pair did well to evade that devilish trap.
Australia themselves have an impressive duo in those key batting spots. Brett Lee basically won the Champions League Twenty20 final with his 31-ball 48, while Mitchell Johnson is deployed rather than brought in to bat. Johnson's a danger when he engages the long handle and a positive menace when he unveils the telescopic handle. He couldn't stop England, though, who snatched the Ashes by clogging their upper-order with charlatans before unleashing Stuart Broad and Graeme Swann later on.
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