© A Bellyful of Dreams

Name
Andrew Symonds

Aka
Roy, Symmo, Natty Dread

In a nutshell
Hard-sledging, hard-drinking, hard-fishing, all round, fair dinkum, g'day ya flamin' galah Aussie who'd die for his mates on the field. He is also a pretty handy all-round cricketer; in fact, about the best limted-overs player going.

Likely to be included in the MCC's coaching manual for
Correct usage of the left elbow in decking streakers.

If he wasn't a cricketer he would be
Lou Ferrigno playing the Incredible Hulk in a TV series.

Do
Make sure he's around when you're drowning, as Matthew Hayden found out a few years back.

Don't
Go up to him in a bar when he's drowning his sorrows to ask to be photographed with him. Or be around when he scores a Test hundred. Unless, of course, like Hayden, you enjoy being mounted by a 6ft-plus dreaded hulk on Boxing Day in front of a gazillion people.

He's born where, you said?
Birmingham. Yes, that's right, Birmingham, England. He was selected for an England A tour in the mid-90s but turned it down, opting for the baggy green instead. Which makes sense because he's about as English as Darren Pattinson. Oh…

What Andrew Symonds will not be teaching at school
International relations, after Sydneygate and this gem about Pakistan: "There do seem to be a lot of bombs going off over there... We are going to have to wait and see when we get closer to the time how many bombs are going off over there. But it is being bombed."

Most likely room-mate on Celebrity Big Brother
Harbhajan Singh

Most likely room-mate on Celebrity Big Brother once Bhajji is voted out
Brendon McCullum

Preferred pre-match training routine
If in Cardiff and soon to play Bangladesh: about 15 pints.
If in Australia and soon to play Bangladesh: Fishing.

One accessory he cannot be seen in public without
White lipstick. Cricketers and tough guys call it zinc.

Playing now on his iPod
"Gone Fishin,'" the legendary 1960 Bing Crosby and Louis Armstrong duet
"Return to the Last Chance Saloon," the Bluetones
"Have a Drink on Me," AC/DC
"Dreadlock Holiday," 10cc

The cause he is most likely to donate his considerable IPL earnings to
The Foundation for Bettering India-Australia Race Relations.

Osman Samiuddin is Pakistan editor of Cricinfo