A four-point plan for Indian away success

Despite falling 0-2 down in their Test series with Australia, India have competed rather better than most observers predicted they might. Admittedly, many of those observers gave them less chance of beating their hosts than Ishant Sharma has of ever winning the captivating battle he has long been waging against his fringe, but nevertheless expectations have been exceeded. Excitingly, we could genuinely even be on the verge of seeing India demolish their reputation as the most incompetent tourists since the England football team last attended a major tournament.

Here are four minor strategic tweaks to help them:

1. All practice pitches to be imported from Colombo
The BCCI made an official complaint to Cricket Australia that the nets pitches provided in Brisbane were of such inferior quality, they resulted in injuries to Virat Kohli and Shikhar Dhawan. As the latter then came in lower down the order and made his highest Test score for ten months, the cynically minded concluded these dastardly nets may have been significantly less damaging to both health and form than facing Mitchell Johnson with the new ball. However, in general, we can all probably agree that players being injured pre-match isn't optimum preparation. To limit this risk in all future away Tests, India shall from now on practise only on drop-in pitches imported from the SSC in Colombo, a surface so docile its soil is crumbled into babies' milk bottles to help them get to sleep at night. It may not be ideal preparation for the WACA in the eyes of some nitpickers, but at least Duncan Fletcher's men will go into both innings with a full quota of batsmen.

2. Compulsory Lie Detector Tests for Shikhar Dhawan
On a related note to point one, rumours have recently circulated - largely as a result of MS Dhoni circulating them - that there was unrest within the India camp during the second Test. Some have speculated wildly and accurately that the problem arose because Kohli had to rush out to bat in undue haste due to Dhawan's net-sustained injury. Whether this meant Kohli had insufficient time to dismount from his padded sedan is unknown, but it is thought to be true that the ex-India captain also suspected his colleague was faking the extent of his injury. Now Kohli may well be a chap who could start a fight in an empty dressing room, but there's no need to pour petrol on his smouldering fire, so in the interests of team unity Dhawan will in future agree to submit to a lie detector cross-examination whenever his fellow Delhiite demands. A swift interrogation at the hands of Sunil Gavaskar, a wet towel, and a CIA-loaned polygraph may seem extreme, but they will undoubtedly clear up any arguments quickly and get that changing room vibe back to fully chilled.

3. Gag Rohit Sharma with duct tape
At one point in Australia's first innings in Brisbane, India had the hosts on the ropes with their knees buckling like a sumo wrestler's step ladder. Then Mitchell Johnson walked to the crease and, instead of pursuing the traditional cricketing tactic of taking further wickets, Dhoni's plan appeared to be to allow Rohit Sharma to go mano-a-mano, moustache-a-moustache with the home side's most manly and, indeed, most moustached player. Rohit, let's be fair, gets a raw deal a lot of the time but even his staunchest supporters would grudgingly accept he's not really Nagpur's answer to Ray Winstone. His attempts at macho grandstanding - the last opponent he tried to face down was the notoriously easily ruffled Dale Steyn - almost always seem to backfire, and so have to be stopped by any means. Preventing him from talking to opponents by gagging him with duct tape may seem a little drastic but ask yourself this: When you have Umesh Yadav in your side, why on earth would you ask Rohit to do the intimidation duties? Sadly, it seems the Indian selectors have decided on the rather less innovative course of just dropping him.

4. Ravi Shastri to replace Ian Healy in the Channel Nine commentary box
Shastri has undoubtedly had a positive influence on this India side but he still insists on taking training sessions dressed exactly as he used to for post-match presentations. Sure, he looks like quite the fancy dan in his jeans and slip-on shoes, hitting skiers to M Vijay, but these dapper corporate podium outfits may also have led some players to believe the match for which they're preparing has in fact already actually concluded. To avoid this complacent mindset, Shastri should forego his coaching duties for the final two Tests and instead replace Ian Healy in the Channel Nine commentary box. As well as sharpening up Team India's thinking, having a notoriously dogmatic and patriotic coach of one of the teams on commentary will also provide viewers with a far more balanced and less one-eyed take on proceedings than Healy currently offers.