The Heavy Ball
Blingy umpires, crazy keepers, fearful Aussies
The mystery of the subdued commentator. Plus, a teacup, heavy jewellery, and shoulder pads from hell. All in our look back at the last 10 days of the IPL
S Aga
05-Apr-2010
The wary Aussies
What does it take to scare a big, hard Australian? Twenty20 overkill, that's what. In the last 10 days Andrew Symonds has been the voice of sanity and reason (who'd have thought we'd see the day?), cautioning about too much of the short stuff; Adam Gilchrist has warned that we are getting close to the critical point of there being too much cricket; and Matthew Hayden has expressed satisfaction about Lalit Modi's promise that the league will stay at 10 teams for the foreseeable future.
What does it take to scare a big, hard Australian? Twenty20 overkill, that's what. In the last 10 days Andrew Symonds has been the voice of sanity and reason (who'd have thought we'd see the day?), cautioning about too much of the short stuff; Adam Gilchrist has warned that we are getting close to the critical point of there being too much cricket; and Matthew Hayden has expressed satisfaction about Lalit Modi's promise that the league will stay at 10 teams for the foreseeable future.
The delicate touch
Into the foaming cesspool of commercialism that is the IPL was introduced a dainty bit of Victorian elegance last week, during one of the night games, when Mike Haysman, legs primly crossed, seated himself in a wicker chair on the boundary, had a cuppa, and proceeded to conduct a conversation with the boys upstairs. Crucial detail: prominent DLF IPL logo on the teacup (lest we thought they were just fooling around).
Into the foaming cesspool of commercialism that is the IPL was introduced a dainty bit of Victorian elegance last week, during one of the night games, when Mike Haysman, legs primly crossed, seated himself in a wicker chair on the boundary, had a cuppa, and proceeded to conduct a conversation with the boys upstairs. Crucial detail: prominent DLF IPL logo on the teacup (lest we thought they were just fooling around).
The chain gang
You've got to bling it before you swing it. First, Praveen Kumar showed up with a chain around his neck - very like the ones they use to tether elephants to posts, but made of solid gold, natch. Not to be outdone, Kemar Roach trotted out his own version when he turned out for Deccan. But the round went to the ump with the most, Rudi Koertzen, who is even now having his door beaten down by people who want him to star in hip-hop videos, thanks to his chunky neckwear. Old is gold? Better start taking that literally.
Full postYou've got to bling it before you swing it. First, Praveen Kumar showed up with a chain around his neck - very like the ones they use to tether elephants to posts, but made of solid gold, natch. Not to be outdone, Kemar Roach trotted out his own version when he turned out for Deccan. But the round went to the ump with the most, Rudi Koertzen, who is even now having his door beaten down by people who want him to star in hip-hop videos, thanks to his chunky neckwear. Old is gold? Better start taking that literally.
The perils of playing your natural game, and a marvel of technology
Fleming admits he made a mistake with Badri, and Modi quashes more vicious rumours
Anand Ramachandran
01-Apr-2010
As the IPL approaches the mid-way point, many teams who would have considered themselves title contenders before the tournament find themselves scrambling for survival.
Chennai Super Kings, in particular, would have expected to be in a far stronger position at this point in the league. Their coach, Stephen Fleming, has admitted that some of his ideas haven't quite worked out as well as he'd have liked.
"I must agree that asking S Badrinath to go out there and play his natural game was a big mistake. I didn't realise that his natural game consisted entirely of solid-looking defensive strokes, a wide range of shots that somehow all go directly to the point fielder, and a few ill-executed dilscoops for comfortable singles. Not quite what we needed at the time," said Fleming. "Additionally, it was unwise of Badri to attempt that mid-pitch victory chest-bump with MS Dhoni, even before the match was won. We must keep victory celebrations to celebrate actual victories, not minor events such as a quick push past mid-on for a brace. It's something we'll have to discuss at team meetings," he added, giving valuable insights into the inner workings of a leading sports team.
Full postBolly sees green
Badge-kissing was just the start. Doug the Rug has a few more commercial tricks up his sleeve
Jarrod Kimber
31-Mar-2010
As we all know, Doug Bollinger is the smartest man in cricket. While this title was never in danger, he took it to another level and actually kissed a sponsor's logo on his shirt (for a particularly unpleasant beer) against the Kiwis. It may have looked like an accident, but it was in fact phase one of an elaborate monetising plan that Doug has been organising when he first realised he was marketable sporting commodity.
When Doug arrives for the IPL, phase two will start. He has an exclusive contract that will mean all of his interviews will end up as product placements. His agent is yet to give him the final script, but an early draft looked like this: "I just knew I had to get the ball in the Toyota right areas. Today the ball came out as well as Avatar will on DVD and I am really just looking forward to using my Dr Scholl's Foot Bath after a long day at work."
Phase three is still yet to be fully exploited, but Doug is hoping to make money from his body not just his hair. This time he was thinking of tattoos on both his arms, and possibly forehead, if the right sponsors can be found. For his arms he was thinking of a gym, but for his forehead he wants something classy, like McDonalds or Nike.
Full postBuchanan begins to make sense
Two dangerously logical strategies by the former KKR coach, and Uthappa has enough
Anand Ramachandran
26-Mar-2010
Former Kolkata Knight Riders coach John Buchanan has been so busy devising strategies for the KKR team for IPL 3, that he hasn't realised he is no longer coach of the team. Buchanan, who was replaced by Dav Whatmore after last season's debacle, told an astonished press that he had devised a set of new strategies that would help Shah Rukh Khan's side win the championship this time.
"While everyone goes on and on about 'team spirit', I have devised a whole new concept called 'individual Spirit'. The principle behind this is simple - if every player put himself first and foremost, and tried to ensure that he scored more runs or took more wickets than the others, everyone would play well, and the team would benefit. Makes sense, eh?" explained Buchanan, sounding a lot more sensible and practical than usual. "Players are so busy building 'team spirit' by having a few beers, visiting war memorials, reciting stupid poems, playing football and doing other random nonsense that they forget to build 'individual spirit' by playing plain cricket - which is the important thing, really," he added, sounding dangerously logical.
Buchanan also introduced a new concept for captains to "lead from the back". "I've had enough of this 'leading from the front' nonsense. If a general is at the front of his army, then he can't see what the soldiers are doing, eh? They could all sit down to play a round of dumb charades and he'd be cluelessly charging into battle all by himself. Silly."
Full postWhen Danny met Pandee
A commentator given to mispronouncing the name of an up and coming young batsman meets the lad himself
Sidharth Monga
25-Mar-2010
In the services of investigative journalism we bugged Danny Morrison communist-regime style recently. Here's a transcript of what was recorded before the batteries died.
The breakfast table. Morrison spots Manish Pandey, and as is his wont, screams to attract attention.
Morrison: Hey, Pandee!
Full postPurple Pakistanis, splenetic sardars and the alliteration of the fortnight
Uthappa, Bopara and, er, Kalinga are among the names that feature in our look back at the action from the first 10 days of the IPL
Sidharth Monga
24-Mar-2010
The understatement
"Robin [Uthappa] came out and played an unbelievable knock. That was as good as I've seen the cricket ball struck," said Jacques Kallis of Uthappa's 21-ball 51, which helped Bangalore chase 204 against Kings XI Punjab. Kallis could easily have said it was the greatest innings he had watched, like Shane Warne did for Yusuf Pathan's 37-ball hundred. What a spoilsport, that Jacques.
"Robin [Uthappa] came out and played an unbelievable knock. That was as good as I've seen the cricket ball struck," said Jacques Kallis of Uthappa's 21-ball 51, which helped Bangalore chase 204 against Kings XI Punjab. Kallis could easily have said it was the greatest innings he had watched, like Shane Warne did for Yusuf Pathan's 37-ball hundred. What a spoilsport, that Jacques.
The most prospering race
British Asians. Owais Shah and Ravi Bopara, tried and thrown out of the England national side, have found their niche here, which clearly is rescuing sides from the messes that real Asian batsmen leave them in. Bopara even wore the orange cap for two hours. The laptops be damned if they haven't convinced team owners to fly down Monty Panesar and Sajid Mahmood, who tick both boxes: they are British Asians and they are not required by the England side.
British Asians. Owais Shah and Ravi Bopara, tried and thrown out of the England national side, have found their niche here, which clearly is rescuing sides from the messes that real Asian batsmen leave them in. Bopara even wore the orange cap for two hours. The laptops be damned if they haven't convinced team owners to fly down Monty Panesar and Sajid Mahmood, who tick both boxes: they are British Asians and they are not required by the England side.
The thanklessness
Less than a year ago, when the government of India almost rendered IPL a non-starter, just in the nick of time came South Africa. The ambitious guests and the graceful hosts, who have earned a name for hosting world events well, made for a perfect marriage, and a successful event. This year, though, the advertising campaign goes, "It's good to be back… it's the Indian Premier League after all." And from commentators to hosts to players to coaches to Ravi Shastri, they have all stopped a few phrases short of saying, "South Africa was hell, India is paradise." Worth noting is how a certain wretched board has accused the league of violating norms. Talk of bitter divorces.
Full postLess than a year ago, when the government of India almost rendered IPL a non-starter, just in the nick of time came South Africa. The ambitious guests and the graceful hosts, who have earned a name for hosting world events well, made for a perfect marriage, and a successful event. This year, though, the advertising campaign goes, "It's good to be back… it's the Indian Premier League after all." And from commentators to hosts to players to coaches to Ravi Shastri, they have all stopped a few phrases short of saying, "South Africa was hell, India is paradise." Worth noting is how a certain wretched board has accused the league of violating norms. Talk of bitter divorces.
The IPL gets nationalised
And Kolkata and Rajasthan join to create a super-franchise that wins even when it loses, while the Pakistan board hunts for a player who may be at the IPL
Anand Ramachandran
22-Mar-2010
In the face of mounting apprehension that club-based Twenty20 tournaments such as the IPL pose a threat to international cricket, the league's commissioner, Lalit Modi, has come up with a cunning plan to prevent this from happening - by getting the various IPL franchises officially recognised as independent nations, thus converting the IPL into an international tournament.
"We have applied to the United Nations to grant full recognition to our franchises as sovereign nations. So henceforth all IPL matches will count as international matches. Take that, ICC!" grinned a triumphant Modi, pleased to have put it across his adversaries once again.
"Oh, bother. Didn't think of that! Time to go back to suing Jagmohan Dalmiya. Bo-ring." said an ICC lawyer in a grey suit.
Full postThe story of Cricky the Goose
The travails of this bird sound a little familiar to a game that was once played only over five days. Therein lies a fable
Krish Ashok
21-Mar-2010
"Tell me a story, grandma," said the six-year-old, pulling her Gordon Freeman-themed bedsheet close to her neck and looking eagerly at a healthy-looking 213-year-old (who did not look a day over 170, really)
"Hmm, what kind of story," she asked her great-great-great-granddaughter.
"A sad story with a happy ending."
Full postBig bats, big bugs, big everything
Everything's larger, and louder, than everything else when you're watching the IPL in a cinema
S Aga
20-Mar-2010
What's the old cliché about India's two biggest passions again? This year it's been a literal confluence of cinema and cricket, with screenings of games in theatres all over India. This correspondent went to watch the Delhi-Mumbai game in a suburban Mumbai multiplex to find out just how much larger than life cricket's biggest deal can get.
A little after the start and the screen is alive with motion, pulsating with eye-catching colour.
And that's just the ads.
Full postThis run-out brought to you by...
A revolutionary idea that will change the way the game is marketed
Alex Bowden
19-Mar-2010
The senior vice-president of growth in advertising verticals looked at the junior associate non-executive vertical advertising officer over the top of his glasses. "How are we doing? Have we made any progress?"
The junior associate non-executive vertical advertising officer, Arun, looked faintly sheepish. "Not really."
His superior, who was called Mr Shah, looked disappointed. "We sold the sponsorship of sixes easily enough. I thought it would all be easy."
Full post